All We Are
by literarylolita
Summary: "We won't say our goodbyes; you know it's better that way. We won't break, we won't die; it's just a moment of change." Follows Clare, Eli, Adam & co. following the events of AFD through the next semester. Chapter 17 First "M" Chapter
1. White Noise

A/N: Okay, so who else simply cannot wait until October? That promo has me reading into it far more than I should. Anyway, this story is my take on what could happen immediately following the events of All Falls Down, Part 2. While it is obviously an Eclare fic (yay!), Alli will be heavily featured, as well as Adam. Please review, my writing is rusty and I would like to know what you like and don't like. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi; hell, I don't even live in Canada.

"You won't recognize this place at all." With that rather foreboding statement, Principal Simpson stalked into the school. _Their_ school. So many terrible things had occurred at Degrassi; it didn't seem right. A place of education, a place where rites of passage took place-terrible things such as bullying, nice boys getting thrown through glass doors, and knife threats shouldn't occur.

Clare Edwards stared straight ahead as the police car took Fitz away. _"Fitz. Why did he do this? I honestly thought he had a shred of decency somewhere in his soul." _She wrapped the jacket Eli had graciously fetched for her out of his locker tighter around her shivering frame. _"This is my entire fault. I should have gone to Simpson about this terrible rivalry a long time ago."_

"Clare…" a familiar voice shook Clare from her thoughts. She looked at Eli, questioning him with her glassy blue eyes. It was hard for her to believe that it had been only a mere two months since she met Eli; ten short weeks since he had called her eyes pretty. He was the first person to even notice them, let alone compliment her on the change. "May I…walk you home? I'd offer to drive, but Morty seemed to need a rest. His engine growled at me earlier this afternoon."

Clare searched Eli's face for his signature smirk or for his eyes to sparkle the way they seemed (she hoped) to do only for her. She hunted for some trait on the boy's face that would acknowledge that he was still here. Unfortunately, all she could see was Fitz seemingly stabbing Eli over and over again; her mind seemed to be playing a sick CD, and the worst track was stuck on repeat. Suddenly, she needed to assure her mind and body with tangible proof that the boy she had come to care about more than she would admit to anyone but herself was, in fact, safe. Her pale, cold hand took his warm one; the touch made her heart race, but not in the way it would have under different circumstances. It raced with relief.

Eli took Clare's gesture to mean "yes," and they slowly set off for her home. The silence was palpable; Clare had so many things to say but desired to say nothing at all. She wanted to enjoy the white noise of cars driving by and her footsteps; she needed a moment or two to attempt to assemble her thoughts. Eli could think of only one thing to voice-the most honest thing he had to date in his short sixteen years: "I'm sorry".

"What?" Clare asked, confused. She tilted her head to its side and stopped in her tracks, never letting go of her companion's hand.

"I'm sorry," Eli repeated. Clare didn't respond, just lowered her head to her chest in an effort to keep her Eli from seeing her tears. "Clare? Clare, look at me." He tilted her head up by way of her chin with his free hand. "Oh, Edwards, don't cry." Releasing her hand from his, Eli enveloped Clare into a tight embrace. Her body wracking with sobs, Clare struggled to speak.

"I-I should be MAD at you," She sputtered out between cries.

"I know." Eli's voice cracked. "I never…I never wanted you to be involved in any of this, I swear. I never thought things would escalate to this proportion. I was so, so wrong."

"Wow-" Clare hiccupped. "-Elijah Goldsworthy is admitting that he was WRONG. I wish I had the energy to laugh, but frankly…"

"Clare, I mean it. I swore I would NEVER put anyone I cared for in danger again. Not after…" Now his tear ducts were full. Fighting his emotions was something Eli learned to do well. A wave of regret and anguish ran through his body. His jade eyes were no longer dull: a green fire blazed in them. Upset and furious with himself, he fixed his gaze on the lamppost across the street. The temperature seemed to drop, for he was outwardly cold, but the fire that raged in his eyes also raged inside. Of course, water put the fire out in his eyes, for tears could only be kept at bay for so long.

"You didn't let me finish…I should be furious," Clare began. "All logic points to a path where I run far, far away from you…and this…" she motioned between the two of them. Eli looked up from his shoes, alarmed. "…but I can't. All I am able to feel is sheer relief. Slight stupidity for not going to Simpson sooner, sure. Naivety to think I could stop your stupid feud, of course…"

"Clare, I-"

"Eli," Clare cut him off. "You're one of the only people who have ever known me as anything or anyone BUT the 'smart one.' It amazes me, brings a blush to my cheeks, and sometimes royally pisses me off." The two of them smiled. "I don't know what to do, but I can't just let this go…please tell me that this behavior will change, Eli." Her face had never looked more determined. "Please tell me that you will stop acting as a vigilante. _Please_."

Eli sighed and looked down, unsure of exactly how to respond. "I can't swear that I won't get angry anymore, Clare." Eli released Clare from his embrace and sat on the curb, running a hand through the brown hair matted to his head from the sweat he broke into while facing Fitz and his blade. "But…seeing that knife face me…seeing it face you…when Fitz called you a bitch, I thought he might come for you. I…I didn't think I cared about myself in that moment…but you…" he took a deep breath. Clare joined him on the curb, gently touching his arm. "Dammit, Clare, I thought something was going to happen to you. Because of ME. Again, because of me. If that's what my vendetta against Neanderthals cause, it really is a pointless war, isn't it?"

"Yes. Eli…" Clare wasn't used to being speechless. Instead of speaking, she just took Eli's face into her hands and pressed the chastest of kisses upon his forehead. "Why don't we just…take the next two weeks to think about everything, clear our heads? I'll be with my grandma, and you can…sort through your thoughts and…" she hesitated, "maybe think about seeing a counselor?"

"I don't need a counselor Clare, I'm not crazy," snapped Eli in a voice harsher than he meant for it to be.

"I didn't suggest that you were! I just thought you might want to talk to someone. You know, about Julia, your past, bullying…" Clare again took an interest in her shoes.

"Can I think about it?"

"That's all I can really ask of you, Eli." She stood up. "Finish walking me home?" She offered her hand.

"Yes, m'lady."

The rest of the walk to Clare's townhouse went by quickly. Silence surrounded the two again, with the exception of Clare's comforting white noise.

Reaching her stoop, Eli let go of Clare's hand, then asked: "So…about this two-week thing…can I call you?"

Clare hesitated. She really didn't think she'd be able to sort everything out if she heard Eli's voice; it was one of the many things that drove her up the wall. It also happened to be a contributing factor to his charm-the charm that made her do things she would normally never think of. On the other hand, two weeks without hearing that voice seemed impossible. Cursing her inner teenage sense of hyperbole, Clare offered a compromise: "May I call you instead?"

"Sure." Eli smirked. "_There he is!" _ Clare thought. _"That's MY Eli!"_ She moved to enter her home and attempt to collapse into a deep, much needed sleep.

"Edwards?" Eli spoke gently, his voice barely reaching her as she reached for the knob on the door.

Clare slowly turned around. "Yes, Goldsworthy?"

"This is going to sound incredibly cliché and trite, but would it be alright if I just…kissed you goodnight? Something to get my admittedly pathetic teenage self through the break?" His eyes twinkled.

Clare couldn't help but smile. Despite the terrible events of the night, Eli was still the boy who fell for her and she still the girl who reciprocated his feelings whole heartedly. "I was hoping you would."

Closing the distance between them, Eli mimicked Clare's action from moments before and took her face in his hands. Smiling down at her, he lowered his head and kissed her with all the emotion he had bottled up since their last kiss in the library. He poured everything he felt into her: sorrow, regret, hope, fear…and something like love.

As he released her from his gentle clutches, Clare had to steady herself against the door. If she thought the "library kiss" took her breath away, this one put her into oxygen debt. "We'll be ok, Clare. It might take some time, but we're going to be fine." Clare simply nodded, while yet another tear fell down her cheek. Eli smiled at Clare, turned around, and walked away. Watching him go, an alarming thought entered Clare's mind.

"Hey Eli!" Her voiced strained as she yelled after him. Slowly turning around, Eli cocked an eyebrow. "Yeah, Edwards?"

"Do you ever frequent carwashes?"

Eli had no idea what possessed Clare to inquire about such a thing, but her face looked dangerously pale, so he didn't press the issue as he answered: "No…I wash Morty in my driveway."

"Good to know." Beaming, Clare ran into her home as Eli strolled away, shaking his head in confused amusement.

On his trek home and her assent upstairs, the young couple pondered the same thought:

It was going to be a hell of a long break.


	2. Wish You Were Here

A/N: Alright, in my world, the break is the two weeks before the week leading up to Halloween. Ya dig? Also, I want to thank everyone who reviewed!

A special shout-out to Ashley, AKA DragonNinjaAri over on fanforum-you have helped me soooo much! Thank you for putting up with my spazz attacks as I wrote this. You're the best, and the character of Leah Goldsworthy is dedicated to you!

Clare

Clare sighed with content as she wrote in her journal. The fall breeze was perfect: crisp and cool. She was slightly chilly sitting on her grandmother's porch, but that was to be expected since Elizabeth Adamson lived on the Canadian side of Niagara Falls. The chill was nothing a cardigan couldn't defeat.

"Clare-bear!" yelled Grandma Lizzie. Clare smiled at the nickname; Grandma Lizzie was the first person to use it on her. She shied away from it after the whole Jenna incident, but now that she and the aforementioned "friend" were on speaking terms again, she found it endearing as ever.

"Yes Grams?" asked Clare as she walked in the colorful kitchen to find her Grandmother baking strawberry cupcakes. Grandma Lizzie was the most eccentric person in Clare's family. Her kitchen reflected her personality rather well: One yellow wall, three red ones, white cabinets with bright blue handles and knobs. The counters were lime green and beaded strings served as curtains. Lizzie had Clare's mother at the age of twenty in 1971; she carried her hippie ideals with her throughout the decades. Clare never knew her maternal grandfather; he passed away when her mother was five. They never married, but according to Lizzie, were very much in love. Every time Clare visited Lizzie she wondered how on earth this woman gave birth to her mother. Lizzie was fun, free, liberal, creative and unquestionably kind. In short: everything Clare's mother was not. Despite her own conservative upbringing, Grandma Lizzie was Clare's favorite relative.

"Honey, do you want to make the frosting?" Lizzie wiped her hands on the smiley face apron donning her waist.

"Well, that depends; do I get to lick the bowl?" Clare grinned.

"Of course! Whose house do you think you're in?"

Clare hummed softly as she gathered the milk and other ingredients she needed to make homemade frosting "_We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year…"_ She had been in Niagara Falls for 5 days and the break was proving to be just what she needed. The absence of her feuding parents, lack of schoolwork, and a general break from drama opened the box that contained her creativity and writing talents. Sayonara, writer's block!

"Clare, are you humming a Pink Floyd song?" Lizzie was confused. She had never heard Clare hum anything but hymns and the contemporary Christian version of Top 40 hits. She chuckled upon seeing a deep crimson blush appear on her granddaughter's cheeks.

"Um, yeah-I-I sort of like them. I've been listening to a lot of new music lately."

"My, then more than just your hair has changed. You seem livelier, Clare-bear. I've always been against your upbringing, your parents stifled…oh; I should just shut up…" Lizzie's rant faded into a mumble.

"I feel…different. I think it's good." Clare was concerned about what her grandmother began to say, but didn't want to push the issue.

"Who, may I ask, introduced you to one of the great bands of my youth?" The blush on Clare's face deepened. "Ooh my, is it a boy?"

"…"

"Okay Clare-bear, the frosting can wait. Sit your ass down and get ready to spill! What kind of tea do you want?" Lizzie began to get a tea kettle ready.

Clare silently rejoiced. She had wanted to partake in her grandmother's tradition for some time; every time Clare or Darcy needed to talk about anything they couldn't talk to their mother about, Grandma Lizzie listened, and she rarely had no advice to give. "Whatever you're having is fine, Grams."

"Green with honey it is, then!" Lizzie brought the tea fixings to the table and sat down. "Okay, while we wait for the water to boil, start spilling everything!"

Clare thought for a moment. She wasn't quite sure where to begin. "Well," she giggled. "I suppose it starts with a broken pair of glasses…"

_Eli_

"_Knock, knock, knock-knockin' on Heaven's door…" _Bob Dylan blared through a certain black hearse's speakers as its owner scrubbed the old tires.

"Well, well, Elijah…where is your punk music today?"

Eli looked up from under Morty's tires and grinned. His mother, Leah Goldsworthy, stood before him in sweats and an old ratty t-shirt that bore the Smithdale logo. Her dark hair (like Eli's) gathered into a bun on the top of her head. Her dark eyes (unlike Eli's) gleamed with amusement.

"For some reason, I was in a classic rock mood."

"Ah, my favorite. I knew you were my favorite son."

"I'm your ONLY son, mother dearest. And in regards to the music, I must be feeling old today…" he smirked.

"Oh, Elijah Isaac Goldsworthy, sole fruit of my loins, you WILL pay for calling your DEAR mummy OLD!" Leah reached for the sponge in the bucket of the soapy water and squeezed water on Eli's head.

"Mom! Ma! Stop it!" Eli rolled under Morty.

"Say you're sorry, or I'm getting the hose and forcing you out from under there!"

"Fine! I'm sorry!"

"Alright, alright. You're forgiven."

Eli crawled out from under his car. "Way to be mature, Mom." He smirked at her once again.

"Actually, I did want to have a "mature"-Leah made finger quotes-conversation with you. Want to go to Bubbi's for lunch?" She looked at him knowingly.

Eli sighed. He knew this was coming. Five days had passed since facing his mortality, and his mother graciously informed him that he was only going to get so much time before she demanded he talk about it with her. The school called their home, of course, but Eli pleaded with his mother to give him some temporary space, swearing he was okay. And he WAS okay. The situation was incredibly screwed up and of course he had nightmares about it. Of course he felt shame and regret, but truthfully, ALMOST losing his own life was not nearly as scarring as Julia ACTUALLY losing hers was.

He tells himself this. He swears he's fine, Clare's fine, and the two of them will be fine. Fine; it struck him as odd that this was a four letter word.

"Eli? Do you want some lunch?" Leah looked at him worriedly.

"Yeah, sure, just let me take a quick shower, since SOMEONE got me WET!" He retorted.

One shower and thirty minutes later, Eli sat across from his mother in his Grandmother's restaurant in downtown Toronto. He skipped on his jewelry and eyeliner today and didn't really look like himself.

"So, Eli. Are you ready to tell me what exactly happened last Friday night?"

"You know what happened, Mom." Eli hid behind sarcasm, saying his next bit very slowly: "Principal Simpson called you, remember?"

"Very funny, Elijah. Please, Son, tell me what happened. Starting from the BEGINNING".

"What makes you sure that the dance wasn't the beginning, middle and end?" questioned Eli.

"Because you're my son, and I know you. Eli, come on, we've told each other everything for years. That's how this works. Please don't turn into a normal kid on me. One who keeps secrets from his mother and is no fun. I don't think I could bare it!" She held her heart in mock hurt. Anyone with half a brain could see where Eli's sarcasm hailed from.

"Fine, Mom." He shook his head and thanked the waiter for bringing him his homemade spaghetti. Not exactly a Jewish food, but his Bubbi's recipe was the best in Eastern Canada. "There's this asshole of a Neanderthal at school named Fitz-"

"The one with the knife, right?" Leah looked pissed.

"That would be the asshole I'm referring to, yes." Eli concentrated on twirling his spaghetti on his fork. Stalling, because he knew the moment he let everything all out to his mother, it would become REAL. Clare, Fitz, the bullies, what happened that night…the way Clare made him feel. The way Clare caused him to forget his dead ex girlfriend. Everything would be tangible and all too…present. "Look, he was just a gigantic jerk. He ripped off Morty's hood ornament, refused to apologize, and kicked me in the nads…" He grimaced, remembering the pain. His mother looked quite angry for everything her son had said. "I…decided to get back at him."

"Oh, Eli…I thought we moved across town because you wanted a new start."

"Yeah, from Carmount! I couldn't live in that neighborhood anymore. I couldn't walk the same halls that…I couldn't…" he began to breathe far too quickly. No, he wouldn't have one now…he didn't have one before or after a _fucking knife_ was pulled on him, for God's sake. He hadn't had one since switching schools; they were under control. Control. Control. He had it. Eli had control.

"Breathe, baby…" Leah was at her son's side, rubbing circles in his back. "Breathe, it's okay…slow down."

"I'm fine," Eli whispered, once again hating the damn word. "I want to finish telling you now, Mom".

"Okay". Leah moved back to her seat.

"Anyway, I sort of got him arrested," Eli waited for his mother to scold him. She didn't. "Fake ID. Canada's Most Wanted." Leah raised an eyebrow but remained silent. "Things got worse. He and his buddy Owen threw Adam through a glass door, Mom".

"That little bastard!" exclaimed Leah. Eli smirked; he knew Fitz hurting Adam would get a reaction out of his mother. She loved Adam, who was a regular fixture in the Goldsworthy house as of late.

"My sentiments exactly," deadpanned Eli. "Anyway, he and Adam fought, which was really my own fault…"

"How could that possibly be your fault?"

"Well, I sort of blew him off…"

"Eli!"

"Look, I just…wanted to spend some time alone with Clare."

"Oh." Leah didn't know much about Clare. What she did know was limited to the little Adam told her. Eli refused to talk about her when she asked.

"Yeah. I was an ass, Adam hung out with Fitz, and it didn't go well…" Eli took a deep breath. "We were fighting him in the parking lot the Thursday before school let out for break. Don't look at me that way, Mom-I had to help Adam out. We tried-I tried-to talk Adam out of fighting him, but he wouldn't have it."

"Ok, I understand that, but you should have-"

"I know, Mom, I should have gone to the principal. Believe me; I know all of these things now. Hindsight is 20/20, blah blah blah…"

"Alright. Go on."

"I thought Fitz was going to literally kill me for a minute there. But suddenly," he smiled at the memory and shook his head, "all of the kids came rushing out of the school. I didn't know it at the time, but Clare set off a stink bomb." He chuckled. "She just wanted the fighting to stop, all this time."

"Eli, honey, I get that this is the lead up, but it doesn't seem worth pulling a KNIFE on someone. No matter how much of a bully they may be."

"It gets worse."

"Then tell me. You know that nothing you say will change how I feel about you."

"I know, Mom it's just…"

"What?"

"I think it's time I tell you about Clare."

"Finally!"

Eli smirked. "Yeah, well, Mom, she's…amazing. She's kind, smart, witty, and just bossy enough to not be boring…and her eyes. Mom, her eyes make me forget…every bad thing that's ever happened to me."

"Those must be some powerful eyes," Leah commented gently.

"They are. I know I sound like a sap right now, but she makes me feel like I could love someone-other than you, of course-again. I just want to be around her, to kiss her, to make her blush the deepest red I can get out of her."

"Son, that's great! Julia-she would have wanted you to be happy. _I_ want you to be happy."

"I know. And I'm going to try to make it work with her. For some reason unbeknownst to me, the girl seems to think I'm awesome. EXCEPT for the fighting…" Eli fixed his gaze on the glass of water next to the garlic bread. "She sort of got caught up in it."

"She tried to stop you? If that's the case, then I think I'm going to like this girl. Hell, who am I kidding…I like her already because YOU do."

"Yeah. Mom, I'd love for you to meet her…she's like…coming up for air. I didn't even realize I was still drowning, but…man, when I'm around her…" Eli trailed off as Leah watched him in amusement. "Anyway, she went to Fitz. He said something along the lines of the fact that he would put me in the hospital if she didn't go to Vegas Night with him. Clare, being the girl she is, of course agreed." Eli's look hardened. "I was pissed."

Leah snorted.

"I confronted him. I knew that he was just using Clare to get back at me. After warning him not to hurt her, he _gleefully_ informed me that when he had sex with her, he'd be gentle."

"That boy needs to be in a mental hospital."

"Mom, I know we agree on most things, but damn, I have to second that comment." Eli looked at his mother's kind expression, and silently thanked his God for her. "I tried to get Clare to slip Ipecac into Fitz's drink…l know, I know…"

"Eli! I'm the one that TOLD you about that prank!"

"Oh that's right!" Eli smiled. "I expect to be let off the hook for that one in your eyes then, Mom...Clare refused to do it, you know. Sometimes I think she might actually BE a Saint. Anyway, I went to the dance alone, to keep an eye on her. Plus, they were using a flat screen TV as a prize!" Leah laughed at the look on Eli's face; sometimes, when he got excited, he looked exactly the same as he did when he was five and allowed to have ice cream. "This is where I become supremely stupid…" Once again, Eli fixed his gaze on his glass of water. "All Fitz wanted was an apology…and I…I faked it. And slipped the poison into his drink myself." He looked up, searching his mother's face for disapproval. He found only a little. Mostly, he found pity. "Clare ran off to comfort Fitz, I ran off to look for her. When I couldn't, I decided to mope in the halls and listen to music. Clare found me-she knew about the knife, begged me to run with her. I'm not sure if it was pride or stupidity that made me refuse, but that's what I did. You know the rest."

"Eli…come here," whispered Leah as she held her arms open for her only child, which he gladly fell in. "I love you so much, Son". She stroked his hair. "The parental handbook states that I ought to punish you, but coming face to face with your mortality seems punishment enough…so I have a compromise: if you bring Clare over and actually introduce me to this girl, you're not grounded."

"Are you…are you BRIBING me?" Eli's grin matched his mother's.

"No…never…" the family smirk.

"Mom, she said she needed time. What if she doesn't want to come?"

"Just ask her when she comes to you. Women are kind of fickle when it comes to our feelings- as you grow older you'll find it to be both a blessing and a curse."

Eli could think of only one thing:_ I wish you were here._

Clare

"Writing comes more easily if you have something to say"

_Eli-gold49 likes this_

Clare smiled at the notification about her FaceRange status. Truth be told, she was a little bit worried Eli would forget about her. She knew that taking some space from one another was the best thing for them both, but it didn't stop old insecurities from swimming to the surface of her heart. Once she snapped out of self-deprecating mode, she shook her head in amazement; she knew Eli cared for her deeply. He wasn't KC; after all…he might actually know what it meant to care for someone more than himself.

_Ring. Ring._ Clare's cell phone.

"Hello?"

"_Cl-Clare?"_ Sniffling on the other line. _"I need my best friend right now."_

"Alli? What's wrong?"

_Eli_

_Run. Run. Run. His feet hit the pavement repeatedly; his child-sized Chuck Taylor's are ripped at the sides. Icy, chilling, filthy water seeps through his socks as he pounds through puddles. _

"_I'm going to get you…E-Liiiii!" A maniacal laugh draws nearer. "I'm going to pull every last pretty hair out of your pretty little head!"_

_No._

_I'll run faster._

_No._

_I'll run faster._

_No…_

…_I'm never fast enough._

_I'm falling.._

"Holy Shit!" Eli woke up on his blue carpet in a cold sweat. Taking in his surroundings, he realized that he was barefoot, not in Chuck's. His feet were dry, not wet. Oxygen debt didn't plague him as payment for running. Safe, black and red walls with Dead Hand posters on them. Comforting pictures of his mom and a younger version of himself. The familiar vintage car calendar on the wall.

"Fucking dreams…" Something fell on his head. "Shit! What the he-" He stopped. "Oh."

In his hands laid an on photo in a homemade frame. Styrofoam hearts of every color were glued onto the plastic. Staring up at him from under her bright red hair and green eyes that matched his own, she taunted him. Dared him to even try to forget her.

_Julia._

Clare

Clare smiled softly as she opened the big oak door to her Grandmother's house.

"Alli!" She embraced her friend as she dropped her hot pink suitcase in the entry hall.

"Clare! I'm so happy to see you!" The young Indian girl returned the embrace.

"Hello there!" Lizzie entered the room with her trademark look of kindness plastered on her face.

"Hi, Mrs. Adamson. Thank you so much for letting my stay here for the week!" Alli genuinely smiled for the first time in a week.

"It's no problem, Dear. I hope you and my Clare-bear have a great time! Make sure you go to the Hard Rock Café! Oh, and don't forget to see the Falls while you're here, of course! Now, I have to get to my Tarot meeting, but I'll be sure to bake you two plenty of sweets and make a fresh pitcher of Palm Arnold when I get back." Wrapping a bright purple shawl around her, Lizzie swept out of the house, into her green VW Bug and down the street.

"Wow, Clare. Your grandma seems so…unlike anyone in your family. That I've met, at least."

Clare laughed. "No, she is…so, do you want to go to the Hard Rock for Dinner? Stone Temple Pilots is playing there tonight. It's one of the first stops on their North American Fall Tour."

"I don't know who they are, but sure, why not!"

"Alli…are you okay?"

"Not now, Clare. Let's just have fun tonight, okay?" Alli took a sudden interest in the Georgia O'Keefe print on the wall.

Clare hesitated. Something was definitely off with Alli, something more than simply being cheated on by her boyfriend. Choosing to let it go for now, she offered a hand. "Come on, my grandma has tons of vintage outfits in her closet. Want to raid it?"

"_Now_ you're speaking my language!"

_Eli_

It was a long drive to Pennbrooke Cemetary. Just north of Toronto, it took Eli a good forty five minutes to get there in Morty. Even though she would have thought it was cheesy, he brought two lilies. One of the quirky things that Eli loved about his first love was her silly superstitions: she thought even numbers were unlucky.

HERE LIES JULIA MAY JAMES

OCTOBER 12, 1993-AUGUST 3, 2009

BELOVED DAUGHTER, SISTER AND FRIEND

MAY SHE REST IN PEACE

Beneath the epitaph there was an engraved lily.

Eli knew her favorite things.

He knew everything about her.

This was why he had to sit at her grave on this chilly October night.

"Hey, Jules…we need to talk."

OOOOH minor cliffy! Chapter three won't be up until I get at least seven new reviews!

Tell me what you think! Like? Hate? Love? Suggestions?

Until next time,

Cortney

Oh, and P.S: Sorry about the lack of Eclare goodness…it will be worth it in the end, I promise!


	3. Big Empty and Plush

A/N: Okay, you guys are AMAZING! This chapter was going to be longer, but I wanted to get it out ASAP. Thank you so much for reviewing! You make me feel…spectacular!

I know some of you were confused by the POV. I'm sorry, I should have clarified that the lines between bodies of text signify a change in POV. I went back and put a heading w/their respective names, which I will continue to do, unless they are together, in which case there will be no header. I know it sounds confusing, but I think it's the best I can do with this story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, nor do I own any music and/or pop culture references used in this story. Oh, and everyone go listen to "Big Empty" by Stone Temple Pilots. The songs are just so…sexy. Happy reading!

Clare

"So, do you like the band?" Clare sipped her virgin Pina Colada. Her mother hated for her to drink anything that is even supposed to be tainted with alcohol, but Grandma Lizzie gave her a taste of one at age seven. They'd been a Niagara Falls tradition for her ever since.

"I guess," replied Alli as she swirled her virgin Strawberry Daqri around. "They're a bit…dirty-sounding for my taste."

"Their sound is called _grunge_." Clare looked horrified. Stone Temple Pilots had recently become one of her favorite bands. Eli took her for drives in Morty, during which they listened to explicit songs such as "Sex Type Thing" and "Dead And Bloated" with the windows down. Blood rushed to her cheeks as she thought of the suggestive looks he gave her while singing along. "Actually," muttered Clare, attempting to shake her mind out of the gutter, "their sound is technically called post-grunge. It's similar to the early style of the nineties, but it's different enough from the epic grunge band Nirvana that they belong in the post-grunge category."

Alli stared blankly at her friend. "Who ARE you?"

"Clare," the blue-eyed beauty responded, confused.

What she was really thinking: _I don't know anymore. I just know that I like how I feel when I'm with him._

_Eli_

Standing before his first love's grave, Eli realized how fucked up his life really was. No sixteen year old boy should have to deal with panic attacks, bullies, an absent father, and the need for closure with his dead ex-girlfriend.

"Julia…Jules…I don't know where to start. I know you're in Heaven…your version of it, anyway. I hope to every higher power ever thought of you're happy. God, Jules. I've told you I'm sorry so many times. Have you heard? Do you know? Is it really like Bubbi says...? That when I'm sad and it rains, it means your tears are shedding down on me from wherever you are? Part of me hopes so…but the other part hates to think of you crying."

Eli stared at his shoes. Black Chucks. He hadn't worn this pair in over a year; Julia drew a heart on the toe and signed her initials in it. The permanent marker had barely faded.

"This is all so incredibly…this is fucking cheesy."

And then: Eli laughed. A real, roaring laugh. Eventually, he couldn't stop and sank to his knees with tears of amazement in his eyes.

"You're laughing at me, aren't you Julia? You think I'm a pathetic lump, whining to your grave, huh? I know, it's completely…un-cool, and therefore un-me." He smirked. Julia was the first girl to swoon for his trademark. "I had to come, Jules. I had to tell you that they're…they're coming back. This time, more than your…your lifeless body haunts the images in my mind. I can't breathe, my chest constricts…I feel like I'm going to die too."

The dark haired boy looked around. Upon seeing he was truly alone (since he was trespassing in a cemetery after dark; after all), he allowed a tear of anguish to trickle down his pale cheek. "I wanted to die, you know," he whispered. "I just wanted to be with you again. Then I decided I had to live because I deserved to suffer for what I did to you; I didn't deserve to be happy. And that's how I've lived for over a year…" he took a deep breath. "…but Baby, I don't want to live that way anymore. I will always love you; a special corner of my heart is forever yours. But…I've got to say goodbye. I have to move on. Mom says you'd want me to be happy, and there are exactly 5 people I've trusted in my life, Mom being at the top of the list. She misses you too, you know. I know you know about Clare; I know because when I kiss her I forget you for a moment and the instant my lips leave hers I feel guilty. Jules, I can't feel guilty anymore. I've got to move on: from the bullying, from my past, from the guilt that quite literally takes me breath away. I've got to move on, at least temporarily…from you. I promise I'll be back; I just can't come every other week anymore, okay? I'll come at Christmas. Maybe I'll bring Clare…I think you'd like her. I know she'd love you. Julia, she is the kindest person I know. You know how you always wanted a girlfriend, but thought they were too much drama? Clare would have been the buddy for you, Baby."

Eli looked at the lilies, which were beautiful, but unable to hold a candle to the girl whose memory they honored. He rose; dusted himself off. With one soft touch to the headstone he whispered three important words to his first love for the last time: _I love you._

Clare

"_Driving faster in my car…" _Clare's favorite song by the band, "Big Empty," came on. She tried not to think about certain feelings the guitar slide ignited and the way the lyrics made her think of a smirk/smile that caused one of her own.

"_Falling farther from just what we are…"_

"You know, Alli, I'm surprised your parents let you take the bus here."

"_Smoke a cigarette and laugh some more; these conversations kill…"_

"Me too. Sav is in SO much trouble for what happened at the dance; his whole relationship with Anya seems like a parent's dream come true compared to his near-seduction by Holly J.

"_Falling faster in my car…" _Clare shuddered as the song built into the chorus, her favorite part.

"_Time to take her home; her dizzy head is conscious laden." _Dizzy: a good word to describe how Clare felt.

"_Time to take a ride; it leaves today, no conversation…"_ Today...not tomorrow. Not after "time"…

"_Time to take her home; her dizzy head is conscious laden…"_

"Clare? You okay?" Alli was both confused and amused at the look on her companion's face.

"_Time to wait too long…to wait too long…these conversations KILL…"_

"CLARE!"

"Huh-what?"

"You zoned out on me there; you alright?"

"Yeah…Alli, do you ever get tired of thinking?"

"I don't really think all the much, I guess." Alli looked pensive. "I usually just say whatever is on my mind."

"Ok, but do you ever just get sick of TALKING? Do you ever just want to…" Clare was now livid. "Do you ever just want to DO something, for once?"

"Clare, I do all SORTS of things ALL of the time. Sometimes I wish I was like you and a bit more cautious."

"What do you mean?" Clare looked hurt, a fact to which Alli failed to catch on.

"With Drew, I took one look at him and just…jumped right in. I didn't think at all," the young Indian girl choked back a sob. "Maybe if I had…I wouldn't hurt so much now." She failed at keeping her tears in check.

"Oh, Alli…" Clare leaned across the space between their bar stools. "I love you, you know? You're my very best friend."

"I know-and I don't think you should listen to me, Clare." Alli pulled away to wipe her eyes.

"In regards to what_?"_

"I'm just a pessimist right now. Look, despite everything the bastard did to me, I still love Drew."

"Alli-"

"No, Clare…listen to me, okay? I'm not serious about a lot of things, but on this occasion I am: Eli is crazy about you, and would never intentionally hurt you. Drew KNEW what he was doing…he knew cheating would break my heart. Eli never wanted you to be involved in his feud, you're smart, and you HAVE to know that. Maybe, in just this one case, you should be a little bit more like me and think with your heart rather than your head."

Clare smiled. "Maybe we should BOTH be a little more like each other."

Alli returned a grin, looking wiser than she ever had. "That's how we grow, right?"

_Eli_

"I think that's great, Eli. I'm glad you're finally seeing that Julia would want you to be happy." Leah helped herself to another eggroll. After his visit to the cemetery, Eli took a long drive in Morty to really calm him down and picked up Chinese for dinner.

"Yeah. I'm trying to change, Mom." _For Clare,_ he thought.

"Well, just don't change too much, Baby. You're a great kid. The anger and guilt would be good things to work on, just stay my loveable child, cool?"

"Sure Mom," replied Eli with a soft smile.

"Good." Leah ruffled her son's hair. "I've got to finish editing this manuscript, you in for the night?" Leah worked as a literary agent for Random House. Her office was based in Toronto, but she sometimes flew to New York, Los Angeles and even Europe to meet with clients. Any author would be lucky to be signed by Leah Goldsworthy.

"I'm in. Night Mom."

"Night!" Leah called as she retreated into her study.

Sighing, Eli gathered up the empty take-out containers and cleaned up. Once he was finished, he headed to his room to play his Cassio keyboard. Digging through sheet music, he found "Plush" by Stone Temple Pilots. He remembered a sunny afternoon he serenaded Clare along with the CD recording in the Degrassi parking lot. God, he loved to make her blush; he just wished she wouldn't avert her eyes as he did so.

"_And I Feel It…And I Feel It…" "_Plush" happened to be Eli's default ringtone. Glancing at his phone, he flipped when he saw Clare's big, blue eyes.

"Clare?"

"Hi, Eli." _Yep, definitely her._

"You called."

She laughed, and it actually sounded like melodic music to his ears. "I said I would."

"I know, it's just been…"

"Eight days, I know." She allowed a moment of silence…then: "I miss you."

_She missed him._

_She missed him._

_She missed him._

He felt oddly calm, which was a nice change of pace.

"I miss you too, Edwards."

"I'll be back in five days. Do you want to spend the day together?"

_She still wants to spend time with him._

_She still wants to SEE him._

_SCORE._

"Well, I'll have to check my schedule…hmm…YEP, I'm free!"

"Okay, Eli." Her tone was amused. "It's a date."

_A date._

_A date._

_A fucking DATE._

"Oh, formal, aren't we?" He just couldn't help but tease her.

"Well," she laughed, "I figured it ought to be…boyfriend?" She actually sounded nervous.

_Boyfriend._

_She called him Boyfriend._

_BOYFRIEND._

_BOYFRIEND!_

"Well…GIRLFRIEND…I seem to recall that you owe me a corsage."

She released that melodic laugh again. "I'll see what I can do."

"Can't wait, Edwards."

"Nor can I. Goodnight, Eli."

"Sleep well, Clare."

_No nightmares would plague his slumber tonight._

Well….what do you think? ECLARE ACTION! CERTAIN THINGS BEING RESOLVED!

I know a lot of people have written Eli saying goodbye to Julia. I am not trying to steal this idea or rip anyone off; I had planned that scene from the outline of this story. I feel it is important; he needed closure in order for Eclare to realistically have a shot in hell of working.

Review! I need at least five for chapter four! Thank you!

Until next time,

Cortney


	4. Come On Over

A/N: Okay, here is a short chapter. I'm having a bit of difficulty keeping the points of view straight when Eli and Clare are together. New chapter will be up much sooner than usual.

Thanks to all who reviewed, especially Ashley-every chapter! =)

Clare

Clare turned her body in the back seat of a cab to face her best friend. "I'm incredibly glad you came to Grams' this week, Alli. And thanks, you know…for the advice."

"No, Clare, thank YOU!" Alli's pearly whites flashed. "I needed to get away from here for a little while."

"Are you feeling better?" Clare asked with concern.

"A bit."

"Just a bit?" The wrinkle in Clare's forehead made Alli giggle.

"I'll be okay. I think this is just going to take time." Alli opened the door to get out.

"Hey!" yelled Clare. Alli turned around.

"What?"

"Give me a hug!" The two girls embraced. "Will you be by Monday so we can walk to school together?"

Alli released herself from the hug. "Of course!" She responded, getting out of the cab; Clare followed suit. "Bye Clare!" Alli set off down the street.

"Bye Alli!" Clare waved as she paid the cab driver through the window and headed for her door. "Huh, Dad's car isn't here. Wonder why." Suddenly, the front door opened before Clare could get her key in; her mother stood in its frame.

"Oh thank God you're home!" Helen Edwards exclaimed. Clare took note of her mother's appearance: hair out of place (_that never happened)_, red stain on her wrinkled yellow blouse _(was it wine?)_, and what appeared to be last night's mascara. Something was definitely wrong.

"Mom?" Clare asked cautiously as she stepped into the entry hall. "Are you…alright?" She inwardly groaned at the question; it obviously wasn't necessary to ask, which became more apparent as she caught the smell on her breath (_definitely alcohol). _

"Clare, Clare-eee, I have never been better!" Helen hiccupped. "Do you want to know why, Sweetie?" She was suddenly very serious.

"Why, Mom?" asked Clare despite the fact she wasn't sure she did, in fact, want to know.

"Because your father is GONE."

_Gone?_

_Like, for the weekend?_

"Oh, is he on a business trip or something?" Inquired Clare as she ignored the sinking feeling in her stomach.

"NO!" Bellowed Helen. "We are getting a divorce Honey! It's just us girls from here on out!" Another hiccup.

_Divorce?_

_Gone._

_Permanently._

"Mom…why?" Clare struggled to keep herself together.

"Now don't you worry your pretty little head over that." Helen ruffled her daughter's hair. "Have I mentioned how much I love your new look? Seriously, you're almost as pretty as Darcy now!"

That stung. "You know what, Mom," said Clare through clenched teeth. "I think you need a nap, don't you?"

"Actually, that sounds…fabulous…" yawned Helen as she stumbled towards the living room couch. "I'll just lie down for a bit…" She was out like a light the moment her head hit the pillow. _Fitting expression,_ thought Clare, _considering how lit she is._

"This isn't happening…" muttered Clare. "I need to get out of here…" She grabbed her purse and reached for her purple Blackberry. Speed Dial 4.

_Ring._

_Pick up, pick up, pick UP._

_Ring._

"Hello?"

_Yes._

"Eli? It's Clare. I know we aren't supposed to hang out for a few hours, but would it be okay with you if I came over now?" She sounded nervous. _Oh goodness, he's going to think I'm clingy._

Eli thought no such thought; he grinned in delight. He couldn't WAIT to see his blue eyed beauty. "That's perfectly alright, Edwards. Do you need me to pick you up?"

"No, I think I'd like to walk. It's nice out today." Clare had made her way to her room and was looking for a shirt to change into. She settled on the turquoise get up she wore the day Eli told her about Julia. "See you in twenty?"

"Sure! See you then."

_Eli_

Eli smiled ear to ear upon hanging up with Clare. He'd never tell his girlfriend this, or anyone for that matter, but he sat up two nights in a row trying to think of what they could do. He wanted to show her that he was more than just a boy with a troubled past. Finally, he and his mom decided they would bake cookies with her. While the cookies were in the oven, Eli planned to take Clare to his room and play a song for her on his keyboard. He was into classical piano-something not many people knew about him.

"Mom!" Eli yelled down the hall from his room. "What, Eli?" asked Leah as she came out of her bedroom, yellow sundress on and pencil stuck in the bun in her hair.

"I just wanted to make sure you were up! Clare's coming over in like…" he looked at his watch, "…ten minutes."

"I thought she wasn't coming over until noon?" Leah asked, confused.

"She asked if she could come earlier," shrugged Eli.

"Is everything okay?"

"I think so, why?"

"Just wondering. Go downstairs and wait for her son, I'll be down in a minute." Leah returned to her bedroom.

Eli rushed into his room to check his appearance. _When did he become so lame? _His red Dead Hand shirt and guitar pick necklace were in check; his dark wash skinny jeans were comfortable. He threw on a black zip-up hoodie to complete his look. By the time he finished man-primping, the doorbell rang. He flew down the stairs and flew open the door.

Clare was wearing turquoise and a shy expression on her face. "Hi," she said.

"Hi," breathed Eli as he closed the door behind him, joining Clare on his front steps.

"What, aren't you going to invite me in?" Teased Clare.

"Yes, but in a minute," smirked Eli.

"Why in a-?" But she was cut off by Eli's lips colliding with hers. The kiss was gentle and seemed to say what both of them thought.

_I missed you._

After reluctantly pulling away, Eli opened the door into his home and held it open for Clare. "After you, Dear."

Clare giggled. "So, are we just hanging out here today?"

"I thought that might be nice. You know, low-key, drama-free." He raised an eyebrow when Clare laughed. "What?"

"Nothing, you're just cute when you rhyme." Clare was surprised the blood didn't rush to her cheeks with her boldness.

"I'm ALWAYS cute, Edwards."

"Could you BE anymore smug?" They both knew the answer.

_Absolutely._


	5. Bedroom Talk

A/N: Okay, so rumor has it I completely suck. This is true; seriously, don't believe anyone who defends me. My excuse for not updating sooner? The usual…writer's block! If only I had an Eli to help ME with MY creative endeavors…sigh…

Enjoy, and please let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but an R13 Buffet Clarinet and a bunch of showtunes.

_Eli_

"So, are you ready to meet my mom?" Eli was nervous. He knew his mother was rather…eccentric. "She's a little bit…flamboyant."

"Oh? So is my Grandma Lizzie." Clare grinned. Eli couldn't help but wonder what in the world Clare's definition of 'flamboyant' could be. "Will your dad be joining us as well, Eli?"

Eli was quiet for a moment. He wrapped his arm around Clare, who sat next to him on the couch in his living room. Pulling her close, he softly spoke: "My parents are divorced." Clare took a sharp intake of breath at the word.

"I'm…I'm so sorry, Eli." Clare's eyes welled up. Eli frowned in concern.

"It's okay, Clare. My mom and I are best friends because of it." He tilted her chin towards his face. "What's wrong, Edwards?"

"Nothing," whispered Clare, all too quickly. "I just-"

"Well, hello there!" The two teenagers abruptly turned from one another towards the door to the kitchen. Leah Goldsworthy stood there, a red apron draped over her pretty yellow dress. She smiled warmly. "You must me Clare."

Clare stood and made her way to the woman, outstretching a tiny, pale hand. "Yes, it's so great to meet you, Mrs. Goldsworthy."

Leah ignored Clare's outstretched hand and pulled her into a hug. "And it's wonderful to finally meet the reason for my son's frequent smile!" She pulled away. "You know the real one. Not that smirky thing he does." Ironically, the very smirk of which she was speaking twisted Leah's mouth. The comment earned a laugh from Clare and a glare from Eli.

"MOM," muttered Eli in that way embarrassed boys tend to do. He joined the two women. "Let's bake, shall we?" The three made their way into the kitchen. Clare sucked in a breath.

"Mrs. Goldsworthy," said Clare, "this kitchen is…well…magnificent!" And it was. An up-to-date, top-model kitchen was the only fancy thing about the Goldsworthy home. Stainless steel appliances lined the walls and an impressive assortment of cutlery was on display.

"Thank you, dear. Eli's quite the cook, he all but demanded it when we moved here," she paused at her son's scoffing. "Don't let him fool you; he's a little bit of a diva on the inside." She turned to the pantry to retrieve baking goods. "I hope you feel like baking-Eli's been dying to show off his 'mad' skills."

Clare laughed again. She had a feeling that Mrs. Goldsworthy would grow to be a good friend of sorts to her. Her smile soon turned into a frown, however, as she thought of her own mother, drunk and passed out on a sofa.

Eli noticed the frown and cast a worried glance at his girlfriend. "_You okay_?" he mouthed. She nodded, mouthing_ "later,"_ and offered a small smile.

"Well!" Leah offered Clare a navy apron and Eli a (what else) black one. "Ready to bake?"

Clare

"I have to admit, Eli, those WERE some mad skills you have," Clare laughed as she followed Eli up the stairs to his room. "I especially loved the part where you mistook the baking powder for sugar." Eli groaned.

"I NEVER claimed to have baking chops. I can COOK, Edwards. My mother is the baker." He paused in front of his door and playfully glared at the mocking girl.

"Well, that's okay. I can bake, my Grandma taught me. My cooking, however, is sub-par…" she flushed. Eli grinned; it seemed that culinary skills were just one more thing that he and Clare complimented one another perfectly in.

_They completed each other._

"So, are you okay with hanging out in my room as the cookies bake? I have bean bags, so it shouldn't be too awkward…." Suddenly, Eli mimicked Clare's signature move and blushed immensely.

Clare grinned as the blood rushed to her cheeks as well. "Well, well, Goldsworthy…what's been on your mind?" She opened the door herself and walked in, dragging Eli behind her. She took in her surroundings; the room was much like she expected it to be: band posters, lots of black and red. The blue carpet pleasantly surprised her. Slowly turning, she gave him a mischievous grin as she sat on the (surprisingly) made bed. "Well, aren't you going to join me?" Her boldness fell as her face fumed with even more embarrassment. Needless to say, she wasn't quite herself today…for an arguably good reason. _"Stop thinking about your parents, Clare. You're here with Eli. He's the only thing you can even fathom being sure of anymore."_

"Um…sure." Eli sat on the bed, a careful six inches from Clare.

"Eli…comes here," Clare all but begged, a twinge of uncharacteristic desperateness in her voice. "Please."

Eli looked at her carefully: his eyes bore into hers, getting lost in their field of azure as lost as always. Not allowing his gaze to waver, he closed the (annoying) distance between them and softly touched his lips to hers.

Clare wasn't having any of this "gentle" business today. Her hands frantically grabbed Eli's face as she deepened the kiss (her first time doing so with, well…anyone). Running her fingers through his hair, she made sure Eli couldn't help but react. No longer did his arms hang limply at his side; he raised them to pull Clare closer to him until their chests were swelled against each other. She (not so) softly bit his lower lip and he let out an involuntary moan. Laying her down, he placed himself on top of her, his legs still hanging off the bed, though hers had somehow made their way on it. Clare reached under Eli's shirt and nervously ran her fingers down his back. She didn't realize her hands were shaking.

Eli did. Reluctantly, he pulled away. Clare lay flushed beneath him, looking up at him in confusion. Frowning, she quietly asked: "Did I…did I do something wrong? Am I…not doing this right?"

Eli didn't know whether to laugh at her assumption that she could do ANY wrong when it came to kissing him or cry at the heartbroken look on her sweet face. He chose to smirk (what else?) "No, Edwards. God no, you are doing this completely right." He sat up and moved to rest against the headboard. "Come here." His arms were open, waiting for her to crawl into them. She took the hint. "Clare, believe me…I didn't want to STOP kissing you that way," he laughed at the thought. "It's just…we've never done that. And I know something is wrong. So in the interest of not being a completely typical teenage boy, I think we should talk about why you seemed so sad earlier before we...uh..._continue."_

Clare promptly burst into tears. Eli wasn't sure what to do with a sobbing girl in his bed, so he simply held her and ran his fingers through her ginger locks.

"_I am so humiliated," _thought Clare. "_Why do these have to be real, SOBBING tears with snot and snorts? Why can't I cry daintily like the girls in the Victorian novels I read in middle school? Why am I such a moron? Why are my parents splitting up? Why won't Eli kiss me? Does he think I'm ugly? Does he think I'm stupid? Of course he does, he-"_

"Clare...shh…." Her thought were interrupted by her mind's latest obsession. "Please, just tell me what's wrong. I can't help you until you use your words." He leaned forward and held her at arms' length, one hand on her shoulder as the other caressed her blotchy cheek.

"My-My parents…" she hiccupped.

"What? Are they okay? Are they fighting again?" Eli searched Clare's face for any clue as to what was wrong.

"They're getting...D-They're getting Div-" She burst into a new round of sobs.

"Oh, Clare. Okay, Baby…just cry. We can talk about it when you're ready."

He held her; it was all he could do.

A half hour later Clare was all cried out. She looked up at him with a thankful look in her eyes. "I…I think I can talk about it now." Eli smiled down at her.

_At least her tears don't have to dry on their own._

ECLARE ECLARE ECLARE ECLARE ECLARE ECLARE ECLARE ECLARE ECLARE ECLARE ECLARE

Well, there's chapter 5. The good news is my writer's block seems to be ebbed; the bad news is classes just started and I am carrying 20 credit hours. Luckily for anyone who bothers to read this, I am obsessed with writing once I get into it and tend to procrastinate on lab reports.

Until next time,

Cortney


	6. A Drop in the Ocean

A/N: Hello, lovely readers! I do not own Degrassi, nor do I own "A Drop in the Ocean" by Ron Pope. I had the idea for this chapter before I saw the amazing Eclare youtube video by xOhMyJodie, however, her video DID make me change to song I was going to use! It is amazing-everyone go watch it (although I'm sure anyone reading this fic has already!)

Also, this chapter is mostly in Eli's POV…so…you know…sorry about that.

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, nor do I possess the musical genius of Ron Pope.

Clare

"Eli, Mrs. Goldsworthy…these cookies are so good…I…I'm at a loss for what adjective to use to describe them!" Clare grinned as she drank her milk.

Leah laughed. "Please, Clare, call me Leah. This 'Mrs. Goldsworthy' business makes me feel old-" Eli scoffed- "-ER than I am. Be nice to your mother, Elijah."

"Yes, ELIJAH, be nice to your mother!" Clare stuck her tongue out at her boyfriend as she reached for another cookie. "Man, what is the secret to these cookies?"

"The recipe is actually my mother's," responded Leah. "Eli's Bubbi is the best chef and baker this side of Canada." She ruffled her son's hair in a playful manner.

"Bubbi?" asked Clare, confused.

"It's a common name used in the Jewish community for Grandmother," answered Eli.

Clare's mouth dropped. "You're…you're Jewish?"

Eli shrugged. "Under the reformation movement, sure. Goldsworthy is a Hebrew name. Thought you knew."

Clare shook her head slowly, looking down. _"Should it matter that Eli's Jewish? My parents always said I should date within my faith. My best friend is a Muslim, though…those are both just close relationships, right? This shouldn't matter. I don't know why I didn't think of this before… I guess I assumed he didn't even believe in God…and this is much better, right?"_

"Clare? You okay?" Eli looked at his girlfriend in concern (again). "Oh no…she's gone into a sugar coma! I knew releasing the awesomeness of Bubbi's chocolate chip cookies on her would be too much! We should have started with the sugar doodles…" Leah and Clare laughed.

"I just…didn't realize you were Jewish, is all," said Clare in a small voice.

Eli raised an eyebrow. "Is that a problem?"

Clare smiled. "Nope."

_Eli_

Her parents were splitting up. As he lay on his bed with Clare wrapped around him, all Eli could think about was everything Clare told him. It didn't make sense. Clare said her parents weren't heavy drinkers; why would her mom get completely hammered on a Saturday morning? And the last Clare had told him, her mom and dad were working things out. He had no advice to give her, so he just held her close as they listened to music.

"Who sings this song?" murmured Clare from Eli's chest, where her head lay.

"Ron Pope."

"I've never heard of him, but I like this."

"_Just a drop in the ocean,_

_A change in the weather,_

_I was praying that you and me might end up together."_

Eli contemplated telling Clare that the current mix playing consisted solely of songs that made him think of her. He decided to let that thought pass, but a new idea formed in his mind shortly thereafter.

"Clare," he whispered. She gave a soft moan in response, keeping her eyes closed. "Would you like me to play this for you?"

Clare looked up into Eli's big, green eyes. She marveled at how they looked so open, honest, and…vulnerable. She eyed the Cassio keyboard. "On that?" she nodded in the instrument's direction.

Eli blushed slightly. "Yeah."

Clare grinned broadly. "I'd love to."

They made their way to the leather and metal piano bench. Eli sat down and gestured for her to sit in the black and red striped beanbag next to the keyboard. "Don't laugh, okay?" muttered Eli as he looked down at the ivory supplements.

"Promise."

Eli sighed, cracked his knuckles and placed his hands on the keyboard. With a deep breath, he began to play, the familiar piano melody flowing freely through his fingers.

"_A drop in the ocean,_

_A change in the weather._

_I was praying that you and me might end up together._

_It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,_

_But I'm holding you closer than most,_

'_Cause you are my heaven."_

Eli looked at Clare meaningfully at the end of the first verse; she stared at him in awe-she didn't know he would _sing _for her-she also didn't know he would sound so good.

"_I don't wanna waste the weekend,_

_If you don't love me, pretend_

_A few more hours, then it's time to go._

_And as my train rolls down the East coast,_

_I wonder how you keep me warm._

_It's too late to cry, too broken to move."_

Eli got really into the song, eyes closed, throwing his head back as the music built up. At the next part, his eyes bore into Clare's. He needed to convey a message to her.

"Still I can't LET YOU BE,

Most nights I hardly sleep.

Don't take what you don't need, from me."

He had tried to leave her alone, you know. Although he would (obviously) never intentionally hurt her, there was a chance his teenage dumb ass would screw everything up, just like it had with Julia. The thought of making Clare hurt in any possible way made him nauseous, but Eli simply couldn't stay away from her…couldn't let her be.

"_Just a drop in the ocean,_

_A change in the weather._

_I was praying that you and me might end up together._

_It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,_

_But I'm holding you closer than most,_

'_cause you are my heaven."_

Eli spared a glance at the object he was…courting (serenading? Oh Lord, he was turning into a sap.) Her eyes, full of tears, had never seemed so blue.

"_Misplaced trust in old friends,_

_Never counting regrets,_

_By the grace of God, I do not rest at all._

_And New England, as the leaves change;_

_The last excuse that I'll claim,_

_I was a boy who loved a woman like a little girl."_

_But not he was a young man who loved the young woman in front of him._

_Love?_

_Yeah. He loved her. He wouldn't be singing a fucking song if he didn't._

"_Still I can't let you be,_

_Most nights I hardly sleep,_

_Don't take what you don't need, from me."_

Eli knew she'd never take too much from him. He'd willingly give her anything: his time, the promise to be better, the world, if he could. Despite his will to cater to her every want and need, he knew she'd never ask him for anything…she was too selfless. And that's what made him really, really fall for her.

"_A drop in the ocean,_

_A change in the weather,_

_I was praying that you and me might end up together._

_It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,_

_But I'm holding you closer than most,_

'_cause you are my heaven doesn't seem far away anymore, no, no,_

_Heaven doesn't seem far away…._

_Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore, no, no,_

_Heaven doesn't seem far away…." _

Eli allowed his voice to fade with the last notes of the song. Looking up from the keyboard, he allowed himself to look at Clare full on, taking in her appearance: she was the reddest he'd ever seen her (and that's really saying something), her hand ruffling her hair nervously. A grin, no, a real smile reached all the way to her eyes, and Eli nervously smiled back.

"I know I'm not that great, but-" he was cut off. Clare's lips were on his as her hands found his face and her body found his lap. After the sweet, chaste, yet caring kiss, Clare informed Eli that he played beautifully.

"I learned that song the day we worked on the Romeo and Juliet project," Eli whispered into Clare's ear, never releasing his hold on her on his lap.

"Really?" giggled Clare.

"Really." Eli wanted to suggest it be "their" song, but that was too cheesy for his taste (but serenading a girl totally wasn't).

Besides, by the look on Clare's face, she had the same idea.

Eli smirked, loving their non-verbal communication skills. Still, there was something on his mind, something he felt the need to verbalize.

"Clare, I…" Eli rose and offered his hand. She took it, and together, they made their way to his bed. "I have to tell you something."

"Okay…" Clare looked a little confused and a lot worried.

"Look, this might sound crazy, and I know you already think I am, at least a little bit…" he winked. "_Dammit, Eli, now is not the time for your smirks or cocky-assed attitude." _Luckily, Clare laughed. Eli smiled back. "The thing is…" he ran his hand through his hair, then brought it down to tuck a flyaway curl behind Clare's ear. "When I thought Fitz might hurt you that night…I…I realized just how much you meant to me. I feared so much that my worst nightmare was coming true…I've already told you that almost losing you was worse than the actuality of losing Julia…" he looked down.

"Yes, Eli, you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to…" Clare searched Eli's face. He looked….well, she didn't quite know how he looked, exactly.

"No, I want to-I HAVE to." Eli took a deep breath. "I'm trying to tell you…and please don't freak out…" Another deep breath. "Edwards…Clare, I love you."

Clare just stared at him, her blue eyes wide as saucers.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

After about ten minutes (which was really only ten seconds) of silence, Eli laughed nervously. "You know, you definitely don't have to say it back, but…I'd appreciate if it if you, you know…spoke."

He got nothing.

"How's the weather today?"

No response.

"Er….vampire novels SUCK."

Nope.

"Adam's actually gay and it's with me."

"ELI!" Yelled Clare. He stupidly rejoiced at her scolding him. "SHUT UP for a second."

He obeyed.

Two hours later (five minutes) Clare whispered her question: "Do you really mean that?"

"Yes," responded Eli without hesitation. Clare looked into his eyes, and it suddenly hit her why he looked so vulnerable earlier. The poor bastard really DID love her.

She grinned. "Then I love you too."

_Yes!_

Figuring he'd embarrassed himself enough for one day, Eli closed the distance between them (because he does this so well) to claim her lips with his own (another thing he's good at).

The next hour spent making out on his bed definitely restored his manhood, making up for the sappiness of the day.

_Not that the day wasn't excellent._

ECLARE ECLARE ECLARE

A/N: Yes, I know, incredibly corny, but have you people HEARD Munro Chambers sing? It would be a shame if Eli didn't serenade Clare, even if it's only in fanfic. I'm not too happy with the ending, but hey. Next chapter is the first day back, so there will be a lack of fluff!


	7. A Fair Redemption

A/N: Okay, so here's the first day back at school, part 1. The next chapter will take place on the same day. I worked pretty hard (mentally) on this, so please; let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Degrassi. Another disclaimer at the end.

Clare

"What…the actual…what the…" Clare stared at Degrassi Community School with her mouth wide open, a dark haired boy in a red polo holding her hand. "Wow."

"Yeah, pretty much," responded Eli, equally aghast.

"I mean, the uniforms are bad enough-don't look at me like that, the one I used to wear wasn't nearly this awful-but police searches at the entrances? This is….wow."

"You said that already," muttered Eli. "What the!" He jumped as he felt someone wrenching his hand out of Clare's. "Adam! Seriously, man, what the hell?"

"Sorry guys." Adam's usual grin was nowhere to be found. "Didn't want you two to get into trouble."

"What are you talking about?" questioned Clare.

"You'll see soon enough. I don't even want to talk about it. Just don't hold hands or do anything else that would give me the runs, okay?" Eli snorted. "You laugh, but I'm serious." The young couple sobered at the look on their good friend's face.

"Okay," Clare spoke softly while Eli nodded his head.

The three looked at one another, gathered their bearings and headed inside their place of education.

All Clare could think was: "_This just isn't right."_

**Adam**

Adam Torres' signature grin was nowhere to be seen or found the first day back at Degrassi following fall break. The entire two weeks off he eavesdropped on his mother's phone conversations with Principal Simpson, the Superintendent, and other members of the school board. From what he had managed to overhear, Adam concluded that Degrassi was going to be something like a penitentiary. The rest of his free time over break consisted of consoling his heartbroken (and asshat of a) brother Drew. The bastard dragged him on walks, to movies (ones Drew commented that "Alli would just love"), and roped him into playing many, MANY games of Rock Band. Now, Adam was not a total jerk. Even if he really did feel that Drew brought his problems upon himself, he played the sympathetic brother quite well; not once did he snap. And Adam is all for brotherly love, especially when it involves video games. But he needed some time to himself. His pile of comics just kept growing, begging to be read as they gathered dust. Also, he missed three pay-per-view wrestling match viewing opportunities.

And then there was the matter of his best friend. Both of them.

While it appeared that Eli and Clare had worked through their issues, he hadn't heard much from either of them the entire break. A tweet from Eli, an IM or text from Clare…after the drama that was Vegas night, he needed a little bit more reassurance of their, well, sanity.

As Adam made his way into Media Immersion class, he saw that the exercise balls no longer served as chairs; boring, square, four-pegged chairs stood in their place. Sitting down, Adam couldn't help but fret over his strong opinion that the rest of the semester was going to suck.

Clare

Clare sat next to Alli in homeroom after the two shared a quick hug. "This is completely nuts," she muttered.

"I know," whispered Alli. No make-up donned her face, and Clare couldn't help but find it unsettling, seeing Alli in a uniform. The girl WAS her cute outfits…or, at the very least, she certainly was not meant to look like everyone else. The quality was not one Clare shared with her friend, but she knew it was one vital to Alli's personality. As the morning announcements appeared on the TV screen, the two sophomores turned their glum gazes to it.

"Attention, Degrassi students: Student Council President Sav Bhandari and VP Holly J Sinclair here. We'd like to welcome you back to Degrassi. We hope you enjoyed your break." The look on the President's face certainly didn't look very hopeful as he spoke.

"We'd like to take this opportunity to inform you of some changes you may notice at Degrassi Community School," announced Holly J; her look was about as cheerful as Sav's.

"First, as you may have noticed," began Sav, "there will be security at every entrance/exit of the building. You can and will be subjected to random searches, both of the locker variety and anything you may have on your person."

"Also," stated Holly J robotically, "there are some new school rules in place. Number one: No public displays of affection of any kind are permitted on school grounds." Clare noticed the blush appearing upon Holly J's face. It was subtle, but there all the same.

"The school uniform and identification lanyards must be worn at all times," recited Sav. "Regulations on the uniforms, along with the other school rules, are taped on the inside of your lockers."

"They've opened our LOCKERS?" Alli wondered out loud.

"SHH!" hushed Mrs. Oh.

"Finally, no student may be in a classroom without a member of the faculty present. If you have any questions, please ask President Sav, myself, or a faculty member," finished Holly J. "We hope you enjoy your education here at Degrassi Community School."

"This is REDICULOUS!" announced Clare, rather loudly.

"Is it, Miss Edwards?" questioned Mrs. Oh.

"We're living in a prison state!" exclaimed the hot-tempered student.

"Maybe so, but it's a little too late to do anything about it now. Open your Power Point feature. We're going to do a graphic project. You may choose any topic you like." Mrs. Oh turned her attention to her computer.

"Alli? Don't you think this is…moronic?" whispered Clare as she began the assignment.

"I don't really care," answered Alli.

"Not even about the uniforms?"

"I don't care about anything anymore."

Clare couldn't contain her frown. What's wrong with Alli?

_Eli_

Although Eli thought the new rules and atmosphere of Degrassi were completely stupid and (mostly) unnecessary, he was really looking forward to getting back into his music. Since he transferred after the school year started, he couldn't take music class and had to suffer through study hall. After appealing to Mr. Jones, the music instructor (and playing a rather complicated classical piece on the school piano), he was permitted a late entry into the course. Excitement abounded for the junior; he would get to play music for a GRADE. He would also have the opportunity to spend more time with Sav, who Eli genuinely liked.

"_I may have to kick his ass for the supposed strip tease though…"_ Eli mused. "_I'm SURE that's why there is a no-pda rule in place. Not that I'm big on pda. I'm just big on kissing Clare whenever the fuck I want to. Or…more than that." _Eli attempted (and failed) to shake the inevitable dirty thoughts before they materialized in his head. "_I'd like nothing more than to lay Clare down on my bed, put on some music I know she'll love, and kiss every last inch of her creamy skin. Oh, God, I'd give anything to see all of her. She's so damn gorgeous…so much more than hot. I'd take one of those oddly hot, conservative shirts off…button by irritating button. Then I'd run my teeth along-"_

"Who, dude. Eli. I think you need to borrow my hoodie and…er, go to the washroom." Eli snapped out of his little fantasy at the sound of Sav's voice. Confused, he just shot Sav a blank stare. They were supposed to be sight reading music. Needless to say, Eli had OTHER things on his mind. Uncomfortable, Sav grunted a "Dude," and looked down, towards Eli's waist. Eli followed suit, and oh, fuck, he was in KHANKIS. With a blush that would rival his girlfriend's, he eagerly took the hoodie in Sav's outstretched arm, grabbed his sheet music, and bolted for the door.

"_I really need to get a grip on myself. I mean what the hell…"_

"Well, well well….Goldsworthy, it looks as though those skinny jeans were hiding something worthwhile after all." Eli's head snapped up from its fixation on the floor to stare rather coldly at Bianca, donning a polo that matched his own. She marched right up to him, blocking his way to the restroom.

"Bianca. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Way." Eli was in no mood to deal with anyone who had ever dare cross him-OR his best friend.

"I don't think that sounds like very much fun for me…does it, E-li." She said his name the way Fitz had months ago, when their idiotic feud started. Then, Eli had mocked Fitz's lack of creativity with a sarcastic 'compliment'. Now, he began to panic as he felt the familiar feeling of his heart beating far too fast…of his breathing becoming more erratic than it ought to be.

"Oh, God…no…" Eli began to hyperventilate as he dropped his sheet music. "Not now…no….not at school…" He ran a shaky hand through his hair before falling onto the floor, seizing uncontrollably.

"Oh my God…HELP!" Bianca's voice echoed through the halls. The bell rang, signaling the end of the elective period. Students poured into the halls; Adam saw Eli before anyone else.

"Oh, SHIT!" He ran to his friend, where Bianca was nervously kneeling over him; she was in his way. "Bianca, move!" He didn't want to shove a girl, even one who had royally screwed him over. People started crowding around them, wanting to see what all the fuss was about.

"What do we do?" asked Bianca in a panic. Adam looked up and was surprised to find genuine concern in her eyes…along with a little panic.

"GET EVERYONE THE FUCK AWAY FROM HERE, AND FIND A NURSE!" bellowed Adam, hoping the crowd would take the damn hint.

"Right!" Bianca ran off, shooing people half-heartedly on her way.

"Come on, Eli…just…get through this, too, for the love of God." Adam sat next to his friend; the only thing keeping him upright and calm was the adrenaline coursing through his veins. Watching helplessly as his friend shook violently and foamed at the mouth, Adam prayed to a God he wasn't sure he believed in that Eli would be okay, and that Clare wouldn't see him this way.

_Thought I could soundly sleep tonight,  
Positive clear and breathing right.  
Panic attacks, panic attacks me now;  
Seems like a fair redemption…_

DEGRASSI DEGRASSI DEGRASSI

A/N: Okay, so…sorry for the cliffhanger! They happen…lol

Second Disclaimer: I do not own "Panic Attack" by Finger Eleven


	8. Sound Asleep

A/N: I am aware I suck. This is an important chapter, so I hope that makes up for my suckage.

A/N (again): So, this chapter is definitely dedicated to my bestie, floorplanhobo. She has been great, bouncing ideas off of me, listening to my ridiculous notions, ect. If you haven't read her stuff yet (and if you're and Eclare fan, I'm sure you have!) GO DO IT NOW! FORGET THIS FIC, GO READ HER STUFF!

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

_Eli_

_Bright, green eyes bore into his own. Eli stared down at himself to discover the red Degrassi polo over a hospital gown on his person. Snapping his head up, he saw his surroundings: a graveyard. THE graveyard. "What's the matter?" asked a distantly familiar, melodic voice. Eli shook his head, trying to snap out of the dream…the nightmare…whatever it was that plagued his consciousness. _

"_Julia…I told you goodbye."_

"_I know, Eli…" brilliant red hair covered the pale girl's glowing face as she looked down. "But I'm always looking out for you." Eli looked away._

"_I'm always here for you, Eli." The voice had changed. Less perfect, but beautiful to Eli all the same. Turning his gaze towards it, Eli gasped, for green eyes had been replaced by blue. In all of her hyperbolic, Angelic glory, Clare stood in the changed setting: Niagara Falls. The sunlight reflected off both Clare's eyes and the falls, making them impossibly blue. "Well?" inquired Clare as her white spaghetti strap dress flew in the breeze. "You comin'?" She cocked an eyebrow. "Wake up, Eli."_

And he did.

Clare

"Eli?" Clare tightened her grip on her boyfriend's hand. "Are you awake?"

"Mmm…why are you glowing?" mumbled Eli groggily.

"Oh, damn, those must be some good drugs he's on…" giggled Adam.

"Adam!" reprimanded Clare. "They SEDATED him. It's not like he's high."

"Clare…let's go swim under the waterfall!" Eli cried happily.

"…"

"You were saying?" laughed Adam.

"Shut up, Adam."

_**Alli**_

"This…has been a long day," Alli said to herself as she dropped her books off at her locker after the final bell rang. She checked her phone, hoping Clare had texted her with news on Eli. The guy seemed half decent, and Alli could see he really cared for Clare, even if he did turn her life into a rendition of West Side Story. Without all the dancing and foreigners, though, of course.

_**He's going 2 B fine. Call you later with details.- Clarebear**_

"Thank God…" muttered Alli. Goosebumps ran up her back as she shut her locker door; she knew someone was watching her. Slowly turning, she took a deep breath, for she had a pretty good idea as to who was staring. "What do you want, Drew?" She received no response. Drew just kept…looking at her.

"Know what? I don't care." Alli started to walk off, when Drew softly but firmly grabbed her arm, dragging her into the nearest classroom, the MI lab. "Drew, what the hell are you-" her inquiry was cut off by a kiss. Drew moved his lips against hers with fervor; she wanted to slap him, but…couldn't. So naturally, she kissed him back.

Just as the two locked into a passionate embrace of arms and lips, a pissed off "What do you two think you're DOING?" sounded. Jumping apart, Drew swore.

"Hi, Mom."

**Adam**

"Adam, I am so glad you trust me," said Eli. He had the most serious look on his face (that wasn't one of rage) that Adam had the pleasure (or something) of seeing on his best friend. "Seriously, bro…I feel honored and shit."

Adam couldn't control his grin, but managed to choke back a chuckle. "I'm glad, Eli." He turned to Clare. "Is his mom on his way?"

"Yeah," said Clare.

"MOMMY!" exclaimed Eli with a huge grin. "I love my mom," he said with completely sincerity.

"I know, Dear," droned Clare as she patted her boyfriend on the head.

"I love you too, you know…" Eli's voice was teasing. "You're the prettiest girl, like…ever." He looked pensive. "Yep, ever!" He grabbed her hand, and interlaced their fingers. "Come here!" he squealed, pulling Clare onto his hospital bed.

"Eli!" exclaimed Clare as her boyfriend placed sloppy kisses on her neck. "Stop it!"

"Yes, please, stop it!" groaned Adam.

Eli slowly turned towards the boy across the room. "Shut up, Adam."

"Why is everyone telling me to shut up?" Adam feigned outrage. _Ring. Ring._ "Oh, that's my cell. I'll be right back. Will you be okay with him, Clare?"

"I think I'll manage…" muttered Clare as she tried to swat Eli's hands away from her face. He was going on and on about how it was "super soft!" Adam chuckled as he walked into the hallway.

"Hello?"

"_Adam, I know you're at the hospital with your friend, but I'm coming to pick you up right now."_

"What? Why, Mom?"

"_Your brother is in big trouble. Again." _Adam groaned.

"Okay…I don't get what that has to do with me…"

"_We need to have a family meeting. I'll be there in ten minutes."_

"Fine…" Adam sighed as he hung up his phone. Before he could pocket it, it buzzed, signaling a text message from Drew.

**Dude, she's pissed. Sorry.**

"Great…" muttered Adam as he went back into his friend's room to say goodbye and that he'd be back later.

_**Alli**_

"You are in BIG trouble, young lady!" Clipped Alli's mother, her Indian accent thicker than it normally was.

"Mom, please, I can explain-"

"You can, and WILL explain nothing, Allia!" Mr. Bhandari interrupted his daughter. The three upset Bhandari's sat in Mr. Simpson's office; Audra Torres just stormed out of the principal's office, but not before (not so graciously) informing Alli's parents of her exploits in the boiler room. The eldest Torres brother and Alli had only an hour beforehand been busted for breaking not one but two of the new school rules: No public displays of affection; no being in a classroom without adult supervision.

"But Dad, Drew PULLED me into the room-"

"Oh, please Alli. The next thing you will tell us is he made you go to the boiler room to perform oral-oral-" Mrs. Bhandari could not finish her sentence, or, really, the thought.

"I really wanted to start over," whispered Alli quietly to herself.

"Oh, you will be starting over! In India! You are going to stay with your Aunt Kirthi! And to the all-girl's school there!" Mr. Bhandari was red with rage.

"What? For how long?" Alli was not as exasperated as she had been every other time her parent's made this threat. In fact, this time, she almost hoped they were serious and would follow through.

"For as long as it takes to turn you into a respectable young lady! You will leave this weekend!"

Alli gasped. They WERE serious. "Fine," she whispered. Her quick surrender and lack of protests momentarily shocked the elder Bhandari's. "May I please, at least, say goodbye to Clare first?"

After a brief period of silence, Alli's mother clipped "Tomorrow. You will come get your things and say farewell to Clare. JUST Clare, not that-that boy!"

"Thank you." Alli slumped in her chair. More than anything, she just wanted all the drama in her life to just go away. Maybe getting away from Degrassi, her family, and even Clare would be good for her.

Clare

Clare sat on the hospital bed, Eli's head in her lap. After the doctor's gave him another dose of whatever medicine they had him on, he fell asleep. Clare grinned when he snored softly as she ran her fingers through his hair. Feeling a buzz in her pocket, Clare reluctantly answered her phone when it signaled her mother calling.

"Hi, Mom."

"_Clare? Where are you? It's half past five, you're usually home by now." _Helen didn't sound angry, just weary. Tired, even. Clare felt bad for not calling her mother; she had been so consumed with Eli's emergency that common courtesy just slipped her mind.

"I'm…I'm at the hospital."

"_What? Are you okay? What hospital? Why wasn't I notified?"_

"I'm fine, I'm not the patient. We're at the one closest to the school."

"_Who's 'we' Clare?"_

"It's…Eli, Mom." Clare sighed. She really didn't have the will or energy to fight with her mother; she was too concerned for Eli.

"_Oh."_ Silence.

"Oh?"

"_I…I get it, Clare. When will you be home?"_

"I don't know."

"_Well, just make sure it's not too late, okay? And is Eli alright?"_

"I think he will be. I'm not entirely sure of the details yet."

"_Okay, Sweetie. I'll pray for him, okay?" Clare was touched. Boys were a touchy subject in her household; had been ever since Darcy dated Peter (and, really, long before that). _

"Thanks, Mom."

"_Bye, Sweetie."_

Clare hung up the phone. Eli whimpered in his sleep, and Clare tried to sooth him with shushes and murmurs of "everything being alright."

"I thought that was MY job!" Clare looked up to see Leah in the doorway, looking like one would expect a mother to look when her son is in the hospital.

"Oh, it is-I'm so sorry, Mrs. Goldsworthy, I just-"

"I was KIDDING, Clare. I'm glad you were here with him. And I thought we settled that 'Mrs. Goldsworthy' business?" Leah sat at the foot of Eli's bed and absentmindedly rubbed his ankles.

"Oh, sorry, Leah." Clare moved to get up.

"Don't move, Clare. He looks…peaceful." Leah sighed.

Clare settled back into the bed, thought for a moment, then decided to ask the question that the doctors wouldn't give her a direct answer to. "Mrs...I mean Leah…what happened today? Is Eli sick?"

Leah looked down and was quiet for a long moment. When she finally spoke, Clare gasped, for her eyes were focused on Eli's closed ones, and she didn't really expect an answer. "He…was, Clare. Then he wasn't for a long time, until Julia died. Apparently, now he is again."

Clare paled. It sounded serious, whatever the problem was. Horrible thoughts ran through her head: What if Eli had some sort of cancer? What if he had a serious genetic disorder? What if he was…it was unbearable to think the word. _Dying._ "Leah, what's wrong with him?" Clare's voice was barely a whisper.

"You've heard of epilepsy, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, Eli gets seizures sometimes, but only when he is under great stress. During a seizure period, he also has night terrors. I'm sure he's been having them; I feel terrible. I've been out of town for business quite a bit as of late; if I'd been home I would have heard him…" She looked down. Clare tried to think of something to say, but she was speechless. _Seizures? Eli? Stress? Oh, God…Fitz, the dance…_

"I'm sure this isn't your fault," offered Clare.

Leah smiled ruefully. "One day, Clare, you'll learn that a mother will ALWAYS think it's her fault." Clare reached across the bed, offering her hand. Leah took it. "He will be fine, though, Clare." Clare said nothing. "The medicine he's on now sort of helps his brain rest. He'll just take a much, much lower dose until the seizures stop-and they WILL. He'll be back to annoying us both before you know it." Clare chuckled.

"I wonder why he never told me about this."

"He's ashamed."

"That doesn't surprise me. He would be dumb enough to be ashamed of something that's not his fault." Clare's mouth dropped. "I didn't mean-"

"Oh, no, Clare, believe me, I know my son can be quite the moron when it comes to certain things." Leah squeezed the younger girl's hand. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being a light in my son's life." She chuckled. "He'd kill me for being so corny, but I'm a literary agent. I read a lot of expressive, emotional writing. In fact, I have a meeting to cancel for eight in the morning in Manhattan tomorrow. It was an important one too…I just can't leave Eli alone here…my flight is supposed to be in an hour.

"I'll stay. Go. Don't miss work." Clare's eyes widened at her words; she didn't know they were going to leave her mouth.

"Clare, I couldn't possibly ask you to stay here overnight, you have school, and-"

"Isn't Eli's Bubbi coming tomorrow?" Clare raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, bright and early, but-"

"Then I won't miss school, Eli won't have to be alone, and you won't miss work." Clare smirked; her idea made sense.

"Well, it IS an important client…are you certain?" Leah seemed to be leaning towards the plan.

"I am. I just have to call my mom and let her know."

"Okay, I'm going to go get a cab to the airport then! I'll call my mom and make sure she's here at seven sharp so you can go home to wash up before school." Leah stood up. First, she kissed her son's forehead, then Clare's. "I love you, son," she spoke softly. "Thank you, Clare."

"I'm happy to help. To be honest, I probably wouldn't have left, anyway…" Clare looked down at Eli. "He will be okay, right?"

"He always has been. These spells just happen. You're handling it much better than Ju-" Leah stopped herself. "Than most did. You must be as mature as Eli says you are."

Clare smiled softly before Leah walked out. If only the elder Goldsworthy knew just how frightened Clare really was…

"Mmm…" Clare felt stirring on her lap. Looking down, she gave Eli a little grin.

"Hey, Sleepyhead."

"Clare? You're still here?" His eyes were foggy like, Clare imagined, his head.

"Yes."

"Don't leave me, okay?" Eli sounded scared. "You know, now, don't you? About my…problems."

Clare attempted to make light of the situation. "Eli, I knew about your problems long before today."

Eli didn't looked amused…just…terrified. "You're going to leave, aren't you?"

Clare nearly cried at how vulnerable her boyfriend looked. "Never," she whispered, before leaning down to kiss his lips. "Now, go back to sleep, so you can get all better and out of this place, okay?"

"Okay…" He was almost instantly out.

"I love you." As the three words left her lips, so did the pent-up tears.

A/N: Yeah, I'm still not entirely happy with this chapter, but it's taken me long ENOUGH to post. Please review. Just so you know, I outlined more, so updates ought to be more frequently made.


	9. Your Love Is My Drug

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. Still.

_**Alli**_

Alli slowly gathered the remaining items in her locker and placed them in the green bag on her shoulder. Turning around, she scanned the crowded hallway for Clare. In the sea of purple, blue, red and yellow, it was impossible to distinguish her best friend from everyone else.

She pushed through the people to find her (soon to be ex) homeroom. Not saying goodbye to Clare was not an option.

**Adam**

"Mom, this is ridiculous, you know. You should let Drew say goodbye to Alli!" Adam didn't like yelling at his mother, especially not first thing in the morning, when he was running late for school. He loved his mom, he really, REALLY did, but sometimes she acted like such a bitch!

_Maybe because she is one._

"For the love of God Gracie, STOP it with this argument already!" Mrs. Torres realized what she said too late; a hand flew to her mouth as she looked horrified (and, for once, human). "Oh, Adam, I am so sorry, I'm just stressed, and-"

"Save it, Mom. Keep Drew home today, whatever. Maybe you should ask him what happened at Vegas Night and yesterday. Did you ever think of that?" Adam frowned. "Do you ever think before you speak at all?" He huffed as he walked out the door.

Clare

"Ok, Eli, I'll be back as soon as school gets out." Clare said farewell three times in the hospital room already, but she had yet to leave Eli's side on his bed.

"Clare, GO already, I don't want you to be late for school." Eli squeezed her tight as he spoke.

"But your grandma isn't here yet!" Her cheeks flushed; she didn't want to leave Eli alone. He laughed.

"Bubbi tends to run late. It's okay, _honey."_ His smirk quickly turned into a grimace; _honey?_

"Oh, thank you for the saccharine pet name, _Sweetiepie," _Clare teased. Eli playfully hit her with a pillow. "Hey now! No need to get violent!" Clare laughed as she finally got up. Leaning over to kiss Eli, her sleep-mussed hair fell in their faces and tickled Eli's forehead. He deepened the kiss, placing his hands on her cheeks to keep her lips on his longer.

Pulling away, he muttered something that sounded like "thank you". Clare ruffled his hair, said she wanted to talk about his situation later if he felt up to it, then reluctantly left her boyfriend's hospital room.

_Later_

By the time Clare made it home, freshened up and changed clothes, she knew she'd be late for homeroom. Upon arriving at Degrassi, Clare waited for the bell to ring before entering. After obtaining a tardy slip (and a verbal warning) from the attendance office, she found Alli sulking on the floor by Clare's locker.

"Alli? What's wrong?" Clare sat down next to her best friend. She didn't want to be late for class (again), but Alli seemed morose. "Are you okay?" Alli looked at Clare solemnly.

"I'm leaving Degrassi," she uttered quietly. Clare didn't think she heard her correctly.

"What did you say, Alli?" Clare put a hand on Alli's shoulder.

"I'm…I'm leaving Degrassi, Clare. My parents found out about Drew, they think we had sex at school. They're sending me to India to stay with my Aunt Kirthi." Alli looked down as she spoke.

"What? They can't do that, this is stupid, you can't-"

"Clare, it's okay. I kind of WANT to go." Alli smiled softly.

"What? Why?" Clare frowned.

"Well," Alli droned sarcastically, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I haven't exactly been myself lately." Clare reluctantly let out a laugh. "It's only temporary. My aunt is really wealthy; I'll be taken care of. India isn't all poor child laborers. It's actually really gorgeous. I've been twice before."

Clare choked back her tears as she pulled Alli into a hug. "I can't lose you too, Alli…I can't handle all of this. It's too much."

Alli smiled as a tear fell down her face. "You can, though, Clare. You're the strongest person I know."

The two held each other until a teacher scolded Clare and told her to get to class.

_Eli_

Eli flipped the channels in his hospital bed. He sent his Bubbi to get some lunch ten minutes ago, and began to find hospital life rather monotonous (again). "I can't believe this shit is happening again," Eli groaned.

"Elijah! Language!" Bubbi stood in the door of Eli's room with no food in her hands.

"I thought I told you to get lunch!" Eli exclaimed. His voice has a teasing tone to it, but he actually was worried; his grandma got cranky if she didn't eat every few hours.

"Well, my sweet baby boy-" Eli groaned "-don't make such noises at me, Elijah, you ARE my sweet little boy! I have to get to the restaurant. Shelby called off this afternoon. I have to cover for her." Eli frowned. He really hated being by himself when he was in the hospital, but he hated himself more for the fact. Put him in a hospital bed and suddenly he's eight years old and having seizures every day again. "I'm so, so sorry."

"It is okay, Bubbi. I was thinking of taking a nap anyway." He grinned with false cheer; his grandmother didn't need to worry about him even more than she already did.

"Ok, Sweetie. I'm sure your mom will be back tonight to take you home. I'll come back as soon as I can." She left, and Eli was alone, again. He felt his phone vibrate. A text from Clare; reading her name instantly cheered him up.

_**May have left school early. Care if I come back earlier than planned?-Clare**_

Eli grinned. Like she even had to ask. He quickly typed back with a smirk on his face.

_**Hmm, I don't know. I'm very busy, you know. Daytime television is quite riveting, you know.**_

"Well, you're going to have to suffer with me for company anyway, Patient Goldsworthy." Clare smirked from the doorway. "Because I missed you." She blushed.

Eli sighed dramatically. "Well, I guess if you MISSED me…" he grinned and opened his arms, "…you better get over here." Clare giggled as she crawled into his embrace. Eli frowned when he noticed Clare's eyes were slightly stained red. "Clare? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She buried her face in his chest, not caring he hadn't showered since the day before. She really DID love him.

"Edwards, I know you. Tell me."

"Alli's going to India." Clare bit back a sniffle.

"Okay…" Eli didn't get why Clare was upset. So her best friend was going on vacation, she could live without her for a while. "For how long?"

"Somehow both temporarily and indefinitely." _Oh. _

"Oh, dammit Clare. I'm sorry." He kissed her head.

Clare laughed. "There is something wrong with this picture. You're the one in the hospital gown, yet YOU'RE comforting ME." Eli frowned.

"Listen, Clare. I don't want you to think differently of me just because you know I'm messed up in the head-"

"I already knew that!" laughed Clare.

"Ha-ha," his smile fell. "Look, this just happens sometimes. I'm so sorry."

"Eli, don't apologize for being SICK! Do I REALLY have to tell you it's not your fault?" She raised an eyebrow as she spoke. "I just wish you would have told me." She softly kissed his cheek.

"I really thought it was BEHIND me. I'm ashamed or something. I don't know. I didn't think it would happen again." He held her closer. "I'm sorry."

"Your mom says they happen when you're stressed." Clare didn't want to pry too much, but naturally, she had questions.

"Yeah. It starts out as a panic attack and just sort of…escalates."

"Well," Clare flashed a devilish grin. "We'll just have to make sure you're not stressed anymore."

"Oh yeah? How do you propose WE do THAT, Ms. Edwards?"

"I think you'll like it, Mr. Goldsworthy." When Eli opened his mouth to speak, Clare seized the opportunity and attacked it, quickly slipping her tongue next to his. A sound of surprise rose from Eli's throat, making Clare giggle. She deepened the kiss, and before she knew what she was doing, her legs were on either side of Eli's hips as she straddled him.

Eli's doctor prepared to enter the room, but when he saw what his patient was doing, he opted to come back later. After all, it seemed he was getting the best kind of medicine.

A/N: Ok, I HATE Kesha, I honestly think some moronic record executive just went to a college campus and handed a mike to the drunkest blonde there and told her to have at it. However, one of her song's fit this chapter, so its name became the title.

Reviews inspire me! Please leave one.


	10. The Ghost of You

**A/N: We skip ahead two months in this chapter (so it's Christmas/Hanukkah time) I didn't want to have a bunch of "filler"**

**-Alli is still in India**

**-Eli hasn't had any seizures; he and Clare are going strong**

Clare

"Eli…Eli…" Clare gasped as her boyfriend kissed the pulse point behind her ear; they were on his bed, still in their school uniforms on a Thursday afternoon. Clare couldn't stop Eli's name falling from her lips repeatedly.

"Mmmm…." Eli lifted his head to smirk at her. "I like it when you moan my name, Edwards."

"Shut up!" She playfully pushed him away and reached for her navy cardigan. "It's COLD!" She shivered and Eli laughed.

"Very observant!" He put her arms around her, cuddling her close to him. "It's DECEMBER, Clare."

"I know! I LOVE this time of year!" She frowned. "I really wish we didn't have to wear these STUPID uniforms. I want to wear my reindeer sweaters and jeans!" Eli cracked up at the sneer on Clare's face. Degrassi had let up on the tyrant-like running of the school a BIT; even parents complained about the "prison state", as Clare had so lovingly dubbed it, they were living in. The uniform policy unfortunately stayed in place.

"At least the security guards are down to one and the PDA rule is no longer enforced," reasoned Eli with a grin.

"That's true. I just want to, you know, be ME again. At least my uniform at my old school was CUTE." Clare's phone buzzed, surprising her; she jumped into Eli's lap.

"Well well well, Edwards..." Eli grinned.

"Shhh…it's my mom." Clare answered the phone. "Hello?" then mouthed _"And wipe that smirk off your face!"_

It only grew.

"_Hi, Honey. Look, I have to meet your father, he wants to talk."_

"Okay…I thought he was in Ohio?" Eli frowned at the look of confusion on his girlfriend's face.

"_He is, Sweetie. I have to go meet him there to discuss our division of assets."_ It had taken a while, but the Edwards' divorce was finally moving forward. Clare refused to talk about it with anyone, though Eli tried.

"Okay...when?"

"_I'm leaving tonight. There is supposed to be a snow storm tomorrow and I have to drive to give him the Lexus. I'll be driving the Toyota back."_

"Okay…is Grandma Lizzie coming?" Clare's grandmother always stayed with her and Darcy when they were little and their parents went out of town.

"_No, Honey, she is already dog-sitting for her boyfriend, and she can't make it down. You're old enough to stay by yourself, aren't you?"_ Clare thought for a moment. She was quite surprised; her mother swore to Clare that she would never be allowed to stay alone after the way Darcy behaved in the past.

"That's fine, Mom." She smiled at Eli as he rubbed her hand affectionately with his thumb.

"_I'm leaving you a hundred dollars on the counter, and you may use your credit card. I'll probably be gone for two days, Honey. We have to get everything ironed out."_ Clare couldn't help but notice the sad emptiness in her mother's voice.

"Okay, Mom. I love you. Call me when you get to Cleveland."

"_Clare, it will be very, very late!"_

"I don't care!" Her mother sadly laughed.

"_Okay, Baby. Love you." _As Clare hung up the phone, Eli looked at her questioningly.

"Your mom is going out of town?" He pulled her back towards him, holding her head to his chest. She kicked her shoes off and got comfortable.

"Yeah, she has to talk with Dad in Cleveland. I don't know why she didn't tell me sooner." Clare absentmindedly tickled Eli's stomach as she ran her fingers across it, under his shirt. "I don't want to stay alone."

"You can stay here," Eli blurted without thinking. He knew his mother wouldn't mind; Leah adored Clare and was pretty lenient (for a mom). Clare blushed.

"I'd love to, Eli, but…"

"No buts, Clare. Stay with me." Eli kissed her forehead.

"Can you stay with ME?" She spoke quickly. "I don't mean to sound ungrateful…"

"You don't, my dear. I understand…everything is changing so fast, and you just want to be in a familiar setting. It's something you can…control, for the lack of a better word." Clare's mouth fell open; Eli hit the reason for her reservations right on the head.

"How do you always know what I'm thinking, even when I don't?"

"Simple: I'm AWESOME." Clare groaned before kissing him.

"Maybe you are," she whispered against his lips, crawling on top of him.

"Oh, there's no MAYBE about it, Edwards," he huskily whispered back before flipping her over to resume his previous work on her neck.

_Eli_

Eli worked swiftly, not believing his luck at the things Clare was letting him _do to her._ Her cardigan fell on the floor as he tentatively pulled at the hem of her shirt, his lips never leaving hers in the process. Slowly (painstakingly so) he moved his hand up to cup her breast (over the bra, of course…Eli would never dare push his pure girlfriend). His head (and other things) nearly exploded when she let out a soft whimper. "Clare," he said, pulling away. "We…" he swallowed, "we need to stop."

"Why?" she asked, looking up at him with huge, curious eyes.

"Your…your purity ring…." He blushed when she laughed at him.

"Just because I don't want to have sex before marriage doesn't mean I'm completely opposed to…OTHER forms of intimacy," she paused thoughtfully for a moment. "Actually, I don't even know if I believe in abstinence before marriage anymore." She laughed at Eli's indescribable look. "Don't get too excited, Goldsworthy…I'm not saying I'm ready to do anything with you, or that I ever will be."

"I didn't-Clare, I-" Clare shut him up with a kiss.

"Maybe we should talk about this." Clare laced her fingers with his and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Yeah?" Eli quirked an eyebrow.

"Yeah." Clare took a deep breath. "Here's my opinion…people got married at MUCH younger ages when all these "rules" were put into place. Also, there weren't very many methods of…well, you know…"

"Contraception?" Eli offered.

"Yeahexactlythat…" Clare's words got mashed together in her embarrassment at the word; Eli softly kissed her head to keep from laughing.

"Okay, go on…" he smiled encouragingly.

"I'm just saying: it's not realistic to wait anymore, when people obviously can't get married at you know, fifteen these days!" She looked flustered with her speech. "And we are given all these hormones and expected to just not deal with them! And feelings…" She looked away.

"Clare, I get what you're saying," whispered Eli. "But look, as long as we're talking about this…I feel like I should tell you something."

Clare

Clare froze. Did Eli not WANT her in that way? Her panic rose when he let go and put his head in his hands. Whatever he had to say, it couldn't possibly bode well for her.

_Eli_

As much as he knew this day would come, Eli did NOT want to have this conversation with Clare. By no means did he regret his past, at least not his SEXUAL past. But he had one, and Clare didn't. Eli never imagined they'd have to talk about this until much later in their lives, but here she was, approaching the subject…

"Clare," Eli whispered, not looking at her. "The thing is…and this is probably going to change your opinion of me…"

"Spit it out, Eli," Clare snapped, her voice much harsher than she meant for it to be.

"I hate that I have to tell you this, but I'm not a virgin." He looked up and into her eyes, searching for any sign of what she was feeling. "I would have told you before, but I honestly didn't think this subject was going to come up for us. At least not until we were engaged."

_Oh fuck no, he did not just say that._

Clare blushed and grinned. "Until we're engaged, Eli?"

Eli shrugged, trying to play it cool. "It's bound to happen one day, Edwards." He smirked. "IF you're lucky!"

"ELI!" Clare through a pillow at him. "Look," she said, suddenly serious. "I can't judge or blame you for your past. I'm assuming it was with Julia?" Eli flinched, as he always did at her name.

"Yeah," he confessed. "But I want you to know it was just her. And…I'm not a guy who takes sex lightly." He interlaced their fingers again. "I believe that two people should be in love if they're going to do something so…God help me for saying this, INTIMATE, together." He rolled his eyes. "I know, I know…I'm lame."

"Eli, that's not lame at all!" She looked down. "Are we IN love?" Her voice was very, very small. "I mean, I know we LOVE each other…but are we…there?"

Eli tilted her chin up. "I am. Are you?" His eyes had never looked so intense; Clare trembled from his gaze.

"Yes," she gasped, and his lips were on hers again. When it ended, Clare tentatively asked a question she'd wanted to for some time. "Eli, will you do me a favor?"

"Anything," he answered, kissing the spot behind her ear. She shivered then gently pushed him away.

"Tell me about Julia. Please." Eli sighed and got off his bed. Clare panicked, afraid she'd gone too far. Eli rummaged through his closet and came out with a red shoebox then sat back down.

"Here's a picture of us at our first dance. GRADE SEVEN…we were thirteen. Clare laughed; there was little Eli, with spiky hair and a bright yellow shirt. The redhead next to him had bright green eyes just like him, and her polo matched.

"You guys were so cute! And YELLOW, Eli…" Clare couldn't believe he was letting her into this part of his past.

"Yeah yeah, the black look didn't come until…oh, I want to say two years after that." He took the picture from her. "I asked her to be my girlfriend that night. Over a milkshake." He laughed at the memory. "She said yes, but I had to walk her home right afterwards. She's lactose intolerant but didn't want to hurt my feelings by refusing my brilliant plan for milkshakes after the dance." Clare grinned.

"You were together from the age of thirteen until…"

"We broke up at the end of grade nine. I…I was dealing with some familial issues, and pushed her away." Eli sighed. "We got back together at the end of the summer, but to be honest, we probably shouldn't have. We both changed too much. We weren't the same people who fell in love."

"When…when did you…?" Clare couldn't form the words.

"Do it?" asked Eli. Clare looked mortified.

"I was going to ask when you knew you were in love with her, but I'd like to know that, too…"

"When did I know I loved her?" Eli thought for a moment. "It was definitely a puppy love thing at first. I mean she was my first girlfriend, first kiss, first date…first EVERYTHING. She was super Catholic, by the way." He smiled. "She dragged my Jewish ass to MASS on more than one occasion. The first time I went with her, at the beginning of ninth grade…that's when I knew I loved her." He felt tears pooling in his eyes. "She loved her God with everything she had…she loved her dad and brother, too. Her mom died when she was born; they were all she had. Them, God…and me." The tears started to fall, but he didn't sob.

"You don't have to go on, Eli…" Clare hated to see him cry. He ignored her, and continued.

"I told her I loved her that afternoon, after we had lunch with her family. It just came out of my mouth, with no warning, as we walked to the park by her house. She stopped in her tracks and said 'about time you told me, Eli!'" He laughed at the memory and pulled out another picture. "This is us at homecoming later that year." Clare stared at the picture. The redhead from the picture she just saw had seriously GROWN UP in this picture. She wore a navy dress with sparkles, her chest huge and legs long. She was actually two inches taller than Eli in her pumps. Clare couldn't help but laugh at Eli…black button down, black pants, purple tie. His signature smirk made an appearance in the photograph.

"She was beautiful, Eli."

"Yeah, she was. This…this was the night it happened. My mom was out of town, and she told her dad she was spending the night with a friend." He scoffed. "Yeah, I know, real original…"

"Eli…"

"Clare, I have to tell you, I don't regret it. I loved Julia, I really, really did. But…" he looked deep into her eyes, "I mean it when I say this: I love you more."

"Eli, you don't have to love me MORE, I just want you to love me." Clare's voice was filled with sincerity.

"I know, I almost feel guilty about it. It's just…Julia didn't light up the way you do. She didn't sass me back. She was almost too…too textbook perfect." Clare frowned.

"So you like me more because of my flaws?"

"No! Clare, I just…I think you're my fucking soul mate, okay?" He kissed her, hard, bending the picture of him and Julia in the process. Resting his forehead on hers, he explained himself. "You…you make me want to be a better person. I want to feel WORTHY of being with you."

"Eli…you are. Please, don't doubt that anymore, okay?" She placed her hands on his face and kissed him again. "Take me home?"

"Sure," Eli smiled. "Let me pack a bag."

As Eli put necessary items in his black duffle Clare felt downright peaceful. "Eli?" He turned around.

"Didn't change your mind, did you?" He sat next to her, bag thrown over his shoulder.

"No, I just wanted to say…thank you."

**a/n: crappy ending but at least she knows more about his past yaaaay**


	11. Christmastime Is Here

**A/N: This story will NOT be following the new season of the show. All the things in the Boiling Point happened, obviously, but this story is just going its own way. I know in the new promo Clare says something along the lines of spending the night with Eli, but this was outlined before that. For those of you who like my writing, and God bless you, I will probably do one shots of most episodes with Eclare. Yay!**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Degrassi. If I DID, Eli would have BEEN IN THE FREAKIN' PREMIERE**

_Eli_

_**Mom-Staying with Clare for a night or two; her mom is going out of town and she doesn't want to be alone. Love, Eli**_

Eli looked at the text he typed up one more time before pressing "send". His mother wouldn't care he was staying with Clare; she trusted him.

_He just wasn't so sure he trusted himself._

His phone buzzed almost immediately.

_**Okay, Eli. Be good. Take your meds. Love, Mom**_

Eli hurriedly typed back; Clare was waiting for him in Morty.

_**I will. Love you.**_

Clare

"Well, here we are…" Clare shouldn't have been nervous; Eli came to her house practically every other day. But it wasn't everyday a girl (especially a girl like Clare) spent the NIGHT with her boyfriend. "What do you want to do?"

"Well, Edwards," chuckled Eli. "You could start by telling me when the North Pole threw up all over your home!" Clare blushed as Eli took in all the Christmas decorations around her house.

"Well, we've always loved Christmas in this house!" She smiled. "I'm actually surprised-pleasantly so-that Mom did all of it this year." Her smile fell. "She hasn't really been herself since Dad left."

Eli moved to put his arms around her. As he brushed her bangs out of her face, he inquired about her mother's drinking.

Clare shrugged. "It's not gotten any worse, but it hasn't gotten any better, either," she replied. "I don't want to talk about it, okay?" She smiled nervously. "What do you want to do?"

"Hmmm…what do I want to DO, Edwards?" He smirked as he leaned in for a kiss. Clare happily obliged, opening her mouth to his before his tongue had the chance to beg for entrance. They danced lightly; Eli pulled Clare flush against him, one hand in her hair, the other on the small of her back. Clare wrapped her arms around his neck then pulled his face closer to hers, deepening the kiss. This earned a groan from Eli, and without thinking, he picked her up and sat her on the dining room table. He pulled away, looked at her lustily, and climbed on top of her. Clare gasped, but didn't object. Running her fingers through his hair, she moaned when he nipped her bottom lip with his teeth. He pulled away and ripped her coat off, then his own. Testing the waters (of her chest) again, he gently cupped her breast with his palm while kissing her fiercely. Clare surprised herself by placing her hands under Eli's shirt and running her nails down his back. He pulled away, breathing heavily, and Clare squeaked a bit when she saw the look of lust on his face.

_Eli_

"Fuck this," Eli panted, and tore his red polo off, earning a stare from Clare. With shaking hands, his fingers grazed the bottom of her shirt; his eyes searched hers for permission. She nodded slowly, and he gently pulled the shirt up and couldn't help but stare at Clare's chest in awe. She was extremely, ahem, _well endowed_, even in her simple white cotton bra. Eli had never been so turned on. To make sure this wasn't his usual dream, he attacked her lips again and (not so gently this time) cupped her breast. He then traced kissed down her chest, making her gasp with surprise. "God, Clare, you are so damn soft." She blushed (naturally) and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Eli…can we…" Clare breathed heavily as she spoke.

"What, Clare? Do you want to stop?" Clare bit her lip.

"Just for now. I'm cold." _She didn't know HOW she was cold when she had never felt so…hot, but she was._ "I'm sorry."

"Clare, don't apologize…" Eli muttered as he climbed off her. "It's completely okay, I just got carried away."

"No, Eli, I want to be with you." Clare's voice didn't waver as she put her polo back on. "Just…not yet. Soon, though."

"Really?" Eli smiled stupidly.

"Yes! Just, not tonight. I actually have an idea." Clare grabbed his hand with one hand and his bag with another then led him upstairs to her room. "Let's get in our pajamas and drink cocoa!"

She looked so elated that Eli didn't dare refuse her. "Okay, Edwards. You know, we could stay up all night…no school til' after New Year's." Clare's grin grew; Eli loved making her smile.

"Really? Like a slumber party?" Eli snorted.

"Yes, but if you MUST paint my nails, I INSIST on black polish!" He smirked as he grabbed his grey sweats and black thermal from his duffel. "And I'm not braiding your hair. Clare made her way to the wardrobe in the corner and chose black leggings and a slightly baggy, long, turquoise flannel. "Well…I'll just go to the bathroom to change…" Eli trailed off awkwardly.

"You don't have to," Clare spoke softly. She bit her lip as she began to undress. Eli stood there, watching her, and may have actually begun to drool. "Eli!" Clare cried.

Eli chuckled as he took off his shirt to change, earning a stare of Clare's own. "You're one to talk, Edwards…" he shuffled over to her, still shirtless. Clare trembled in her leggings and button-up she had yet to fasten. Eli pulled her close to him, his hand on her bare back, and kissed her chastely. He then buttoned up her top and kissed her forehead. "Hurry up, Clare," he whined. "I want some hot chocolate!" Clare obliged, and once the finished changing they headed downstairs.

Clare

"I only have the stuff for instant!" Clare yelled from the kitchen. "Is that okay?"

"That's fine!" Eli called back as he made sure the fire he just built in Clare's living room was secure. Clare walked in with two steaming mugs: one red, one green. "Man, Edwards, you really DO love Christmas, don't you?" Clare smiled.

"I love the TIME of the holidays," she confessed. "Not so much the actual DAY of Christmas, because then ChristmasTIME is over…I love walking into department stores to see them all decked out with holiday cheer! And I always hate after the first of the year, when Mom puts the decorations away. I think each year I feel more and more said at the end of the holidays." She frowned. "I USED to love doing church activities every year, such as the pageant…" Eli laughed. "Shut up! It's fun. Anyway, Mom hasn't been waking up for church. We've been going less and less. I don't think she's told her friends about the divorce."

_**Ring. Ring.**_

"Oh!" Clare cried. "Be right back!" She ran to the phone in the kitchen. "Hello?"

"_Hi Clare!"_

"Alli!" Clare grinned. "I completely forgot about our chat date!" The pair of best friends agreed to talk once a week on the phone while Alli was in India.

"_I see how it is!"_ Alli giggled.

"Sorry, today has been a bit nuts. Mom went to Cleveland to meet with Dad and Eli is staying with me."

"_WHAT? Eli is spending the night?"_

"Yes," Clare mumbled.

"_Oh man, Clare! Are you guys gonna-"_

"Not tonight, Alli." Clare laughed. She told Alli a few weeks back that she was thinking of sleeping with Eli. Alli supported her friend and encouraged her to be safe.

"_Well, if you do, E-MAIL ME RIGHT AWAY AND I WILL CALL YOU BEFORE THE NEXT SET CHAT DATE!"_ Clare laughed.

"Yes ma'am. How are you? When are you coming home?" Clare asked this question every time she talked to her best friend; she missed her more than she ever thought possible.

"_I'm good. Actually, I might be coming home for spring semester!"_

"Really?" Clare screamed like a fangirl. Eli wandered into the kitchen, looking a bit alarmed. "It's Alli," she mouthed.

"_Yes! My parents miss me. I miss them too. Almost as much as I miss you!"_

"I miss you too!"

"_Alright, well I'm going to let you go Clarebear. Have fun with Eli! Tell him I say hi!"_

"Will do. Bye Alli! Love you!"

"_Love you too!"_

Clare smiled as she hung up the phone. "Alli might be coming home for spring semester!" She ran to Eli and hugged him. "Oh, and she says hello."

"That's great, Babe!" He smiled at her, then pouted. "Wait, this means I won't get you to myself all of the time!"

"Ha-ha. No, this means I will have someone to hang out with while you and Adam have your guy's nights!" They walked back to the living room. "Hey! Come here!" Clare lay down beneath the Christmas tree, her head faced towards the blinking lights.

"Um, Edwards?" questioned Eli.

"Join me Eli!" Clare giggled like a child on Christmas morning. Once again, Eli couldn't refuse her (and really, when can he?) They held hands under the tree, enjoying each other in silence as they watched the lights flash. "Oh, this won't set off your epilepsy, will it?" Clare turned her head to look at him, worried.

"No," sighed Eli. "For some reason, only panic attacks do that." He squeezed her hand. "I don't know why, the doctors don't know why…I've always had the panic attacks. From the age of like, four. The seizures didn't start until I was eight or so."

Clare kissed his cheek. "I love you, you know."

Eli grinned. "Yeah, I know."

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Clare absentmindedly muttered "Darcy and I used to do this. For hours, we'd stare at the lights, playing games and just talking."

"You really miss her, don't you?" Eli moved his head closer to hers, making them touch.

"So, so much," breathed Clare. "I wish she was here. She was supposed to come home for Christmas but e-mailed last week that she couldn't get away from Kenya."

"What sort of games did you play?" Clare giggled.

"Oh you know, would-you-rather, twenty questions, that sort of thing."

"Do you want to play twenty questions?" Eli asked.

"Really?" Clare sounded hopeful.

"Sure, I'll go first." Eli pretended to look thoughtful. "Okay, Edwards, you must answer honestly, okay?" His voice was completely serious.

"Okay, Eli," Clare laughed. "You too."

"But of course! Okay, Clare Edwards…what…is your absolute favorite color?" Clare cracked up.

"That's your deep question, Elijah Goldsworthy?" He nodded. "Well, I'm going to go with turquoise. It honestly used to be purple, but the stupid uniforms changed that!"

"What do you know; I'm rather partial to turquoise too."

"You don't say?"

"I DO say…you look _hot_ in it!"

"Thanks, Eli." Crimson crept onto her cheeks. "Hmmm…okay, my turn. Since you started off light, I will too: Who is your favorite author?" Despite all the English assignments they completed together, Clare didn't know the answer to this question.

"Well," began Eli. "It's sort of a tie. As far as poetry goes, definitely Edgar Allan Poe."

"Why am I not surprised?" Clare rolled her eyes.

"Hey, he's not ALL about black and shit," defended Eli. "'Annabel Lee' is beautiful. As is 'The Bells'."

"I'll give you that," agreed Clare.

"But when it comes to novels and short stories, I pretty much worship Faulkner."

"Oh! The Sound and the Fury is one of my favorite books!" Clare declared.

"Yeah, that's a good one, but my favorite is probably As I Lay Dying. I find the differing point of views fascinating; Faulkner was one of the first writers to do that.

"Really?" asked Clare.

"Yeah. And his writing is just so damn obscure; I love it." Eli kissed the bridge of her nose. "Okay, my turn." He smirked, which gave Clare an uneasy feeling (in this game, anyway). "When did you 'fall for me', Edwards?" Clare groaned.

"I don't know, Eli!"

"You do, too!"

"Ugh. I thought you were cute the day you ran over my glasses," Eli looked smug at this answer, "but I didn't really know I LIKED you until you helped me with that first English assignment. I knew I was looong gone when you showed up at my house with your headphones." Before Eli could say anything, Clare asked her question: "What made you decide you were ready? I mean, when you kissed me in the library."

Eli smirked (again, dammit). "When you set off the stink bomb, actually. I knew I wouldn't need much time though. I mean come on, Clare; we spent every day together after I told you about Julia!" Clare grinned. "But seriously, after that badass move, I couldn't wait any longer. Had to make you mine."

"I'm glad you did," Clare whispered before kissing him softly. "Your turn."

"Hmm…would you be completely opposed to celebrating Hanukkah with my family and me this year?" He blushed. "Mom really wants you to."

"I'd love to!" Clare answered, to Eli's surprise. "I told you, I LOVE the holidays! Aren't there EIGHT NIGHTS of Hanukkah?" Eli laughed at her face; he loved this childlike Clare (which _barely_ creeped him out).

"Yes, but we really only have a gathering the last night. Which is actually tomorrow, the ninth."

"I'd love to Eli…will your mom be home?"

"Yeah. She'll be in by six or so. It's just me, mom, and Bubbi."

"Yay! Okay, my question…will you celebrate Christmas Eve with me?" Eli smiled.

"Of course Blue Eyes. Are we going to church?"

"Would you be willing to do that? I know you did that with Julia…" Clare frowned. "I wouldn't want to like, take that memory from you."

"Clare, we're making new memories. Of you and me. Stop worrying, okay?" He kissed her temple.

"Okay. I don't know if we'll go to church, but we'll definitely have dinner and sing Christmas Carols off-key."

"I'll be sure to learn the music on my keyboard."

"Your turn, Eli."

"Do you actually want to sleep with me?" Clare tensed up.

"I honestly do," she answered. "In fact, here, give me one of your bracelets." Eli did as he was told, raising his eyebrows. Clare took the purity ring off of her finger and looped in through the bracelet, then clasped it back on her boyfriend's wrist. "Let's just call that a metaphor for things to come."

"Clever, Clare!" He laughed and kissed her. "Are you SURE?"

"Ah-ah, Goldsworthy. MY turn to ask the question!" She thought long and hard. "Do you…do YOU want to sleep with ME?" Eli laughed so loud and for so long, Clare began to worry about his oxygen intake.

"Edwards, how do I put this…DUH!" Clare relaxed. Eli _did_ want her. "Why on earth would you think I wouldn't?"

"I don't know, Eli. I thought maybe you only liked me because I'm 'pure' or whatever."

"Clare, your HEART is pure. The only reason I asked if you actually wanted to is because if and when it happens, I don't want you to regret it. And I want to be prepared…and it should be perfect." Eli turned his head toward her. They lay under the tree, facing one another. "I love you, and I want it to be special."

"That's good," Clare said. "I'd like it to be special, too. Okay, since you asked 'what could possibly make me ask that', it's my turn!" Eli groaned.

"You're cheating!"

"Never! Ha-ha. Okay, what did you mean by 'prepared'?" Eli hesitated.

"You know, Clare…_prepared._ Condoms. We don't want any little Eli's running around!"

"Oh, goodness, no," teased Clare. "ONE of you is enough!" They laughed. "But, er, you don't have to worry about condoms if you don't want to."

Eli just stared at her. "Come again, now?"

"I'm on birth control. I have been since I was thirteen. When Darcy got…raped, my parents put me on The Pill. It was kind of necessary anyway, because I had TERRIBLE periods." Eli flinched at the word. "Really, Eli, we're talking openly about sex, but you can't handle me saying 'period'?"

"I know, I know…sorry. Anyway, you're seriously on birth control?"

"Yeah. Not the Pill, anymore, though. Didn't tolerate it very well, so I'm on the patch."

"They make a PATCH for THAT?" Clare laughed at the look on Eli's face.

"Yes, Eli. It works like a nicotine patch or something. So if and when it happens, there will be no need for condoms. Provided you haven't had sex with anyone but Julia, she didn't cheat on you, ect…in which case, we wouldn't be having intercourse until after you got tested."

Again, Eli stared at her. "_Intercourse,_ Clare? Really? And no, she didn't cheat on me. And she's the only one I was ever with, so definitely no STI's here."

"Okay, good. Sorry, I just want to be safe."

"I LIKE that you want to be safe, Clare."

"Good."

"So," began Eli. "Is this really happening?"

"I think so," she whispered. "Whose turn is it?"

"I'm not sure," answered Eli as he pulled her in for a kiss. "Want to go to bed?"

"Eli, it's only eight o'clock..." he gave her a look. "Ooooh…okay!"

_Eli_

Eli couldn't believe he was in Clare's bed. _To sleep._ Sure, he had sat on it before, but damn, he was _under the covers _with her in his arms, and they were both shirtless. She let him take her bra off, and he nearly _fucking lost it_. As he softly kissed her, he thought something along the lines of _this is what Heaven must feel like_.

"Eli…" gasped Clare.

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for staying with me."

**A/N: Love the game 20 questions. Yeah, next chapter will probably be the last "T" rated one. FAIR WARNING.**


	12. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

**A/N: This chapter is about Christmas Eve at Clare's. Yay! (I didn't write the Hanukkah chapter because I don't know much about it…but they celebrated together **** )**

**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Degrassi. *le sigh***

**A Merry Little Christmas**

_Eli_

_Have yourself a merry little Christmas,_

_Let your heart be light_

_From now on,_

_Our troubles will be out of sight_

"Let me help you with that, Mrs. Edwards, Mrs. Anderson," offered Eli. Helen and her mother were cleaning up the dining room at the Edwards residence; the family and company had just finished Christmas Eve dinner.

"No, no, Eli," chided Grandma Lizzie. "Helen and I will do that…you and Clare go on into the living room."

"Alright, thanks," Eli smiled and joined his girlfriend in the next room. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and followed her gaze towards the crackling fire. "Thanks for inviting me tonight, Girlfriend," Eli murmured into Clare's ear." He softly trailed his fingers across her stomach.

"You're welcome," answered Clare. "I'm sorry it is just Mom, Grandma Lizzie, and her boyfriend. Usually our gatherings are much larger, but with Dad gone, we obviously didn't invite his side of the family…"

"Shh, don't apologize," Eli chastised as he kissed the back of Clare's neck. "I have a small family too; it's better this way." He turned her around to look at her. "Christmas is pretty fun."

Clare grinned. "I know! Thanks for playing the piano earlier! Frank usually plays, but his arthritis is acting up."

"No problem," Eli laughed. "Man, your Grandma's boyfriend is quite a character."

"He is," Clare agreed. "So is Grandma Lizzie. It's hard to believe she raised my mom, huh?"

"I wasn't going to say anything…" Eli trailed off. "But kind of."

Clare wrapped her arms around Eli's neck and pulled his head towards hers. The moments their lips met, however, they couple heard a throat clearing.

"Now children," teased Grandma Lizzie. "Would you like some cookies?"

"Yes, please," confirmed Clare, a slight blush on her cheeks. "Sorry, Grandma."

"Nonsense!" cried Lizzie. "You're young, you're in love! Carry on!" The older woman laughed, returning to the kitchen.

"I love my grandma," sighed Clare, leaning into Eli's chest.

"I like her a lot myself." They sat on the couch and Eli threw an arm across Clare's shoulders. "I almost feel like I'm a part of your family," Eli whispered to himself (or so he thought).

"Eli," Clare spoke softly. "You…you ARE a part of my family. I mean, I hope you are. I hope you want to be."

"I do," breathed Eli as he leaned in for a kiss, feeling at home with his love.

Clare

_Have yourself a merry little Christmas,_

_Make the Yule-tide gay,_

_From now on,_

_Our troubles will be miles away_

"Would you like some Eggnog, Eli?" Helen offered. Eli hesitated, knowing he had to drive home.

"I'd love some, Mrs. Edwards, but I have to drive."

"You can spend the night here, Eli," Helen offered. One could tell she had already started on the rum-based beverage. "On the couch, of course." She paused. "Or, I suppose you could stay in Darcy's old room."

"Well…" Eli looked at Clare, who smiled at him with hope glistening in her eyes. "Sure, I'd love to, and I'd love some." He reached for the eggnog.

"This is great, Mom," Clare complimented after taking a sip.

"Thanks, Sweetie," Helen answered as she turned to face her daughter's boyfriend. "Eli, I'm so glad you could join us this year. I apologize for the somewhat lackluster festivities; things are a bit different this year."

"Mrs. Edwards, this was wonderful. Thanks for taking me to your church, too," said Eli. "It's been great celebrating Christmas."

"Oh, that's right," realized Helen. "Clare told me she had a wonderful time with your family during Hanukkah." She finished off her drink. "I'm glad you've opened up my daughter's worldview. And please, call me Helen…" she hiccupped as she reached for more eggnog. "I won't be Mrs. Edwards for much longer!"

"Okay," Eli said hesitantly. "…Helen."

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Clare inquired about her grandmother and Frank.

"Oh, Mom and Frank have retired to the guestroom, Sweetie." Another hiccup. "They said to tell you goodnight and they can't wait to give you presents in the morning."

"Oh," Clare said awkwardly. Her mother was becoming a bit plastered.

"Tell me, Eli," began Helen. "Just out of curiosity, what exactly is the Jews' problem with Jesus?"

Clare looked horrified.

"Well, Mrs. Edwards…um…" Eli paled. While indeed a bit offended, the last thing he wanted to do was piss off Clare's mom.

"Okay, Mom, you look tired!" exclaimed Clare as she stood up. "Let's get you to bed!"

"You know, Honey, I AM kind of sleepy…" Helen stood up. Clare put an arm around her and shot an apologetic glance at Eli as she helped her mother up the stairs.

_Eli_

_Here we are in olden days,_

_Happy golden days of yore._

_Faithful friends who are dear to us,_

_Gather near to us once more._

"Eli," Clare cried, exasperated as she returned to the living room after tucking her mother in. "I am so, SO sorry for that. I don't know what's wrong with her half the time…"

Eli smiled from the couch and shook his head, opening his arms for Clare to crawl into. She did and sighed. "It's alright," Eli soothed, rubbing her back. "I'm surprised she lets you date a Jew, being such a Christian."

"She's not really ACTING like much of one lately," argued Clare. "I mean, who cares if you're Jewish? We all worship the same God."

"That's true," agreed Eli, although he had never been as devout in his faith as Clare had in hers.

"I'm just so sick of it," Clare whined. "I wanted a nice Christmas."

Eli tilted her chin up with his hand, making her look at him. "It IS a nice Christmas, Clare," he insisted. "I can't believe your mom is letting me spend the night!" A smirk appeared on his face.

"I can," Clare muttered. "She actually really likes you."

"Well, I've got a way with parents," Eli proclaimed, rather smugly. "Especially moms. They LOVE me."

"Of course they do!" Clare rolled her eyes. "Hey! I have an idea!" She got up and started searching through the pile of presents under the Christmas tree. "I want to give you your gifts tonight!"

Eli smiled. His senses told him this might happen, so he had Clare's gifts too; he stashed them under the very same tree she currently knelt under. "Would you like yours too, Edwards?"

"You-you have it?" questioned a confused Clare.

A cocky grin appeared on Eli's face. "Maaaaybe. Maybe I stashed it under the tree when you weren't looking." He joined her by the fire and reached behind the decorated plant. Kissing her cheek, he handed her two wrapped packages.

"You little sneak…" Clare giggled. "Here, open yours first!"

"Yes, Ma'am," said Eli with a salute as he took the package; the box was rather large, but very light. He opened it to find two things: a record and an envelope. "Oh my God…Clare…is this?" He took the record out. "IT IS! You got me the Dead Hand's FIRST ALBUM ON VINYL?" His mouth opened in shock; Clare fell over, holding her sides from laughing so hard at his face.

"Yes-it is!" she choked out between laughs.

"Clare, I-how? How did you find this? There are only like, five hundred copies in existence." Eli held the record to his chest as though it was precious (and to him, it really was).

Clare shrugged. "I know a guy."

"You-you KNOW A GUY?" Eli raised an eyebrow before delicately setting the record down and attacking Clare. "You know a guy, huh?" He tickled her repeatedly and kissed her all over. "Thank you, Blue Eyes, THANK YOU! This is the greatest gift I've ever-I don't even know what to say!" He collapsed next to her.

"Eli, you're welcome," said Clare as she sat up. "But there's more." She shoved the envelope towards him.

"More?" Eli grinned. "Clare, you didn't have to get me anything more than this album! It's amazing!"

Clare smiled mischievously. "Just open it, Eli."

He did. Inside he found three tickets to the Dead Hand Show coming up in January; Eli tried to buy tickets, but they ran at a hundred bucks a pop and sold out immediately. "Clare, how did you…what…how…WHAT?"

Clare laughed softly at Eli's speechlessness (and truthfully, she reveled in it). "I waited in line for them last month. I knew it's what I wanted to get you. Oh, but the other two are for Adam and me, and I need you to give me one to re-wrap. It's Adam's present." She smiled.

"Clare," Eli began. "This is amazing, and of course I'd be taking you, but…it's too much. You spent too much money."

"Don't think anything of it, Eli." Clare's tone laced itself with a touch of darkness. "Daddy's been feeling guilty and sending me checks. Big ones." She forced a smile. "I WANT you to have them. Please, accept them. Besides," she smirked. "I want to see this band live and see what all the fuss is about."

"Oh, YOU WILL SEE WHAT ALL THE FUSS IS ABOUT!" Eli again attacked her, pinning her to the floor with kisses. Before they could get too carried away, Clare gently pushed him off her.

"I want my gift now!" Her pout reminded Eli of a toddler.

"Ha-ha, okay, but it's not nearly as awesome as what you got me…" a look of sadness found its way to Eli's face at this realization. "I tried, though, Blue Eyes."

Clare glared at him as she opened the larger of the two packages before her. "Eli, you know I'll like whatever you give me." She paled as she realized what she opened. "Oh, Eli…"

In her hands Clare held a very old copy of Pride and Prejudice, one of her favorite books. Months ago, in passing conversation about literature, Clare told Eli how much she loved Jane Austen.

"Eli, this is-is this a first edition?" Clare's voice trembled.

"Not quite," answered Eli. "It's the first edition for that publisher, though. Look, it was printed in 1867."

"Eli, I love it!" Clare threw her arms around her boyfriend's waist and squeezed tightly. "Look, the pages were letter-cut!"

Eli laughed. "I know. I saw this at that little shop we found a while back in Kensington Market and had to get it. The guy probably didn't know how much it's really worth; he charged me a buck."

"It will be the prize of my collection!" Clare beamed. Nearly an entire wall in Clare's room showcased built-in bookshelves. Old books became her thing over the years; she owned nearly a hundred, collected carefully over time.

"I'm glad." Eli kissed her temple. "Okay, here," he picked up the smaller gift and placed it in her palm. "Open it!" He grinned excitedly as she un-wrapped the package; the smile grew when she opened the box it contained.

Clare gasped as her eyes fell upon the beautiful necklace: the chain, silver and delicate, held a heart charm with tiny blue gems studded all over it. "This is breathtaking!"

"My mom helped me pick it out," Eli admitted. "I knew I wanted to get you something to match your eyes; she suggested this necklace."

"It's gorgeous!"

"Well good. It will go nicely with YOU then."

"Here, put it on!" Clare demanded. Eli complied, allowing his fingers to linger on the nape of her neck and send slight shivers down her spine. "How does it look?"

"Great," Eli kissed her again. "I remembered how sad you were when you lost your cross necklace last week, so when Mom picked this out, it seemed like the right choice."

"You're so thoughtful."

"I try," he said with a smirk. "Though this WAS a last minute purchase."

They laughed in unison, falling over with sleepiness (and from the eggnog, too).

"Thanks for celebrating my favorite holiday with me, Goldsworthy. You know," Clare said coyly, Darcy's room is connected to mine by our shared bathroom.

"Huh," Eli raised an eyebrow. "You don't say."

Clare

_Through the years_

_We all will be together,_

_If the Fates allow_

_Hang a shining star upon the highest bough_

_And have yourself a merry little Christmas now._

Eli tip-toed through Clare's bathroom, careful not to wake anyone up. He climbed gingerly into Clare's bed and wrapped his arms around her waist, nuzzling his face into the back of her head.

"Hmmm, I really hope you're Eli," mumbled Clare.

"I'm hurt, Edwards," he whispered. "You don't know my touch?"

Clare stifled a laugh. "You know I'm kidding."

"I know." He pulled her closer so that her back was flush against his chest. "Nice Christmas jammies, by the way."

"Hey, don't knock my snowman flannel set," Clare defended.

"You look cute! And they're so soft!" Eli pulled on her side, indicating he wanted her to face him. "Are you okay with my being in your bed in just my boxers and t-shirt?"

Clare flushed as she buried her face in Eli's chest. "I don't care." In truth, she didn't realize his outfit until it was mentioned. She sighed in contentment. "I could get used to this."

"Used to what?" Eli absentmindedly ran his fingers through her curls.

Clare blushed even more. "Sleeping with you." She snorted. "In the LITERAL sense."

Eli quietly chuckled. "Me too, Edwards."

"Merry Christmas Eli," Clare whispered, half asleep.

"Merry Christmas, Clare."

**A/N: Fluffy fluff fluff! Ha-ha. Adam is heavily featured in the next chapter; it is the date of the Dead Hand concert. Also, we shall hear from Alli. Review, please! =)**


	13. Dead Hand

_Eli_

_Eli ran as fast as his feet could possibly go. For some reason the clothes that donned his body were pink; but the beast was chasing him and he just didn't have the time to care about what color tinted his outfit. Nothing made any sense, for the sky was green and the grass blue. _

"_You can run, but you can't hide, Eliiii…" the voice taunted him. He skid to a stop; looking down, the only end in sight were the falls crashing against the rocks like the fists of an angry God._

"_No," whispered Eli. Pivoting, he stared into the multiple sets of eyes of the three-headed beast. The faces of his enemies bore into his soul: Michael, Fitz and…Julia._

"_I moved, I stopped fighting, I…I said goodbye." He backed up, kicking a rock into oblivion, following soon after._

Eli awoke on the floor, clammy cold, his heart beating fast. "No," he whispered, and began to seize.

Clare

Clare grinned as she took in her reflection Friday morning: black hair clip-ons in her bangs, slightly skimpy white tank-top under a black corset, red plaid skirt, and deep, dark make-up. Tonight, the misfits were heading to the Dead Hand concert, and Blair wanted to dress the part. She grinned when she thought of Eli's reaction, especially since she planned to waltz into Degrassi dressed the way she was. A member of each class had agreed to break the dress code in a huge way the last Friday in January; today was the day, and Clare was tapped. Despite her incidence with the stink-bomb and connection to bad boy Eli, people still saw her as a saint and felt her rule-breaking would rattle the PTA and Simpson. Clare agreed with fervor; she saw the opportunity to both take a stand and surprise Eli. Win/win, right?

_Eli_

Eli slammed his locker shut after first period; he was not in a good mood. When his mother found him seizing last night, she tried to talk him out of going to the Dead Hand concert. That would just not do for Eli; Clare went out of her way to wait for those tickets, Adam was really looking forward to it, and it was _fucking Dead Hand, for God's sake._

"Eli!" The boy turned his head at his name and felt shock course through his body at what he saw: his girlfriend, decked out in punk/goth gear, a shit-eating grin on her face. "Hi," she said in what (Eli thought she was trying to make) a sexy voice.

"Um…" Eli was speechless, and not in a good way. Where was his _girlfriend?_ The sweet, caring person who loved him and would be there for him? His mood was not one for games; his epilepsy was making an appearance, he didn't sleep well last night, and his mother was hovering. "Who are you?" He asked Clare as he walked away before he could yell. Before he made three strides, however, he felt warm, small arms snake around his waist.

"Come on, live dangerously!" Clare hissed in his ear. Eli grabbed her arms and spun around.

"Clare, I don't know what's gotten into you. What the hell are you doing?" He put his hands on her face and attempted to see into her soul through her too-heavily lined black eyes; for the first time since they got together, he failed.

"I-I'm protesting the uniforms," she choked. "A few of us are. This was planned."

"Oh," said Eli as he dropped his hands.

"And I-I just wanted to dress up for the concert tonight," Clare squeaked. Tears crept into her eyes, and it broke Eli's heart. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, shit, Edwards," Eli put his arm and headed outside.

"What are you doing?" Clare asked. "We can't leave."

"Clare, look at what you're wearing," said Eli wryly. "I don't think you're in the position to scold or stop me from breaking a rule or two."

"Yeah, yeah," said Clare as they walked towards Morty. "But as you pointed out: look at what I'm wearing! It's JANUARY and COLD!" Eli chuckled.

"Get in," he said as he opened Morty's passenger door. "I've got a coat and a blanket in here." Eli made his way in as well, and reached for the coat, draping it around Clare's shoulders. "Here." He pulled her to him and put the blanket on them both.

"Ok-okay," chattered Clare as she shivered in Eli's arms. "Wh-why did you br-bring me out here, E-Eli?"

"To apologize. Look, I'm not in a very good mood." He sighed.

"I n-noticed," snapped Clare.

"I'm sorry, Clare. I had a seizure last night." Clare paled.

"Are you okay?" she asked, alarmed.

"I'm fine, it was a minor one," he sighed. "Induced by another damn nightmare. First one I've had since October."

"I'm sorry, Eli," Clare had finally begun to warm up.

"It's fine, Blue Eyes." He rubbed her shoulders. "Mom freaked on me, and when I saw you dressed like that I freaked on YOU, and I'm sorry." He kissed her temple. "I just wanted to see my girlfriend so bad, and well," he chucked as he ran his fingers through her black extensions, "you don't look much like her today!"

Clare breathed a sigh of relief. "I thought you were mad at me."

"No, I wasn't," whispered Eli. "Hey, nothing's going on today, I know you don't have any tests." He quirked an eyebrow. "Why don't we go in the school, grab our stuff and skip?"

"Eli…"

"Come on, we've got to relax a little before the show tonight!" Eli pouted.

"…FINE," conceded Clare with an eye roll. "Let's go."

**Adam**

"Come on, guys, where are you?" Adam was freezing his ass off on his porch waiting for Eli and Clare to pick him up. Eli texted him earlier saying that he and Clare were skipping out on school and that he'd pick him up at seven. The concert started at eight, and it was already quarter past seven. Adam breathed a sigh of relief when the familiar black hearse came into view on his street. "Finally!"

"Come on Torres, we're gonna be late!" Eli yelled from Morty's window.

Adam rolled his eyes as he climbed in the back seat. "No, YOU guys were late picking ME up," he pouted.

"Sorry," Eli said with a shrug (his tone not apologetic at all). "We were…_busy."_

"Eli!" Clare smacked his arm, blushing furiously.

"Gross," remarked Adam. "Anyway, DEAD HAND TONIGHT BABY! BOOYAH!"

"Booyah again, Adam?" Eli quirked an eyebrow. "Really?"

"What?" Adam shrugged.

"I'm so confused," said Clare.

_Eli_

"HELL YEAH!" cried Adam. "CLARE, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR GETTING US THESE TICKETS FOR CHRISTMAS!"

"NO PROBLEM!" Clare answered as she jumped up and down.

Eli smirked; Clare kept her "costume" on and as she jumped up and down he couldn't help but look at her rear. Despite the fact that he was backstage (_again)_ at his favorite band's concert, his mind kept wandering to his afternoon with Clare. The two had become more and more physical during their make-out sessions, and Eli couldn't help thinking about going the _furthest_ with her. _(_Hey, he is a guy after all).

"ARE YOU HAVING FUN, BABE?" Clare screamed over the noise. Eli smirked; his girlfriend seemed to be truly enjoying herself, which made him even more infatuated with her.

"YOU KNOW IT, EDWARDS!" He joined them in their jumping.

Clare

Clare entered her home, elated from the evening with Eli and Adam. She had no clue she could enjoy herself so much somewhere so…loud!

"HELEN, you have to let me TELL HER!"

_What?_

"RANDALL, get the FUCK OUT OF MY HOME! YOU'RE NOT TELLING CLARE!"

"YOU STUPID-EVEN IF THINGS WEREN'T THE WAY THEY WERE I'D LEAVE YOU!"

Clare wandered into the dining room, where the shrieking came from. There stood her father, whom she hadn't seen in months, and her mother, looking drunk as ever.

Clare couldn't take it anymore. "STOP!" She yelled.


	14. Right Here For You Now

**A/N: Thank you all so much for reviewing! You're truly wonderful.**

**Special shout-out: Love you floorplanhobo, aka my Bestie! I'm glad today sucked less than yesterday. Thank you for letting me bounce ideas off of you! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_Eli_

"Okay…" Eli scratched his head. "Let me get this straight: your dad moved to the States…to be with his _boyfriend?"_

Clare nodded solemnly. "Yep."

"Seriously?"

"Believe me Eli; I COULDN'T make this up if I tried."

"Huh." Eli wasn't sure what to say. "That's….cooool." Clare called Eli first thing in the morning the day after the Dead Hand concert; saying "Sorry for being clingy, I know I just saw you, but can we _please_ hang out today?" Eli could never turn her down. Especially when snarky Edwards actually used the word _please._

"No it's not Eli!" Clare cried. "It means my parents' entire marriage was a _lie._" She put her face in her hands. "Seriously, I shouldn't, like, _exist._"

Eli reached across his bed and took her hand. "Clare," she sniffled. "Clare, look at me." She slowly looked up, using her free hand to wipe unshed tears from her eyes. "Clare, tell me: if your parents were just getting divorced, and your dad WASN'T…gay," Clare let out a soft sob, "…would you still think their entire marriage was a sham?"

Clare took a deep breath before admitting "I…I guess not."

"I'm sure your parents loved each other, okay?" He thumbed the freshly brewed tears away from her cheeks. "Their entire marriage wasn't a sham; it's just…as dumb as it sounds: these things just happen."

"You're probably right," sighed Clare.

"And as for that little statement you made about how you shouldn't exist?" Eli gripped Clare's shoulders tightly. "Never, EVER think that way again, okay?"

"But-"

"No, no arguing this one, Edwards." Eli pressed his lips to hers, hard. "You are the kindest, wittiest, smartest person I know, and the world was MEANT to have you in it, okay?"

Clare blushed, and to Eli's relief, the hint of a smile formed on her lips. "Okay."

"Good. Come here." Eli pulled Clare down with him onto his bed and held her.

"I'm sorry I'm so…emotional," Clare sniffed.

"Clare, you had a fucking bomb dropped on you last night," Eli retorted, stroking her hair. "You're not overreacting in the slightest, okay? I'd be crying like a little bitch right now if I were you."

Clare laughed at that image, and it was music to Eli's ears.

Clare

"Thanks for being here for me, Eli," Clare yawned.

"Well, it IS kind of my job, right?" asked Eli cockily.

"I suppose," agreed Clare. "I feel like you're the only thing keeping me sane."

"That's a scary thought," marveled Eli. "Considering it's ME we're talking about, here."

"True." The couple enjoyed a few moments of silence and then Clare asked the dreaded question haunting her mind: "Are you sick of me?"

"What?" asked Eli, flabbergasted.

"I mean…we've been together a while now."

"Yeah…and?" Eli furrowed his brow. "Why would I possibly be sick of you?"

"Well, because we haven't…" Clare's face flushed scarlet. "…YOU know."

"No, Edwards, enlighten me." Eli loved to tease her.

"Don't make me say it, Eli!"

"Okay, okay," Eli chuckled. "Clare, believe me, as much as I would love to _you know_, I've gone nearly two years without it. I think I'll be okay."

"We will, you know," Clare noted.

"We will, huh?" Eli raised an eyebrow.

"I'm surprised you haven't noticed." Clare held up her left hand. "I quit wearing my purity ring the first of the year."

"You….HOW didn't I notice that?" Eli's mouth hung open in shock.

Clare laughed and put on her most flirtatious smile. "Maybe it's not my hands you've been looking at."

"Clare, you have a dirty mind!" Eli kissed her cheek.

"I meant my EYES, you perve!" Clare hit his chest. "You're always telling me how pretty they are."

"Ha-ha." Eli rolled over so that he was on top of her. "Just so you know, Edwards," his voice turned husky as he leaned his lips close to her ear. "If you tell anyone what a SAP you've turned me into," he nibbled the lobe gently. "I'll deny it." He moved his trail of kisses down her neck, allowing his teeth to graze on her vein at times. When Clare quivered under his touch, his lips twisted into a smirk (while doing their dirty work).

"Eli…" Clare moaned. She reached under his navy thermal and pulled it up. Eli, realizing what she wanted, assisted in removing the article of clothing. She ran trembling fingers down his pale chest, her eyes glued to his just-toned-enough form.

"You know, Edwards," Eli captured her lips with his in a heated kiss. "-they say it's rude to stare," he took her shirt off in a swift moment, then cupped her breasts gently over the bra, "-but I don't mind." He kissed her again before she could retort, biting her lip to gain access inside her mouth.

"Eli…" Clare wrenched her head away to breathe and pant her boyfriend's name. "I don't want to-" he kissed her again. "I don't want to do _that_ today…but you can…you can go farther…"

Eli didn't hesitated and unhooked her bra. "Huh," he said.

"What?" asked Clare as she sat up to cover her breasts, embarrassed.

"It's just, I've never seen this bra, Clare," Eli grinned. "It's got SNAPS!"

Clare blushed. "It's new."

"Oh?" Eli gently moved her hands down to her sides. "Don't hide from me, Clare," he breathed into her ear. "I'm going to choose to believe you purchased this little piece of lingerie for my pleasurable viewing purposes."

She didn't deny it.

**Adam**

"Are you screwing with me, Eli?" Adam inquired as the friends browsed the comic book store.

"No, dude," the goth boy replied as he thumbed through the new issue of _The Goon._

"I don't believe you!" Adam protested as he put back the graphic novel in his hands. "Where's Clare? She's hiding behind the magazine stand, taping this, isn't she?" Adam looked smug. "WELL ELI, YA CAN'T PUNK A PUNKSTER!"

Eli rolled his eyes. "Punkster, Adam? Is that even a word?"

"Shut up."

"Whatever," Eli sighed as he made his way to the leisure reading area. "And no, I swear, it's true. Clare's dad has apparently decided he likes people like him, not people like…Clare's mom."

"So that's why they've had so many problems," realized Adam. "Her dad is gay."

"Well, that's the thing," Eli responded. "Mr. Edwards says he's NOT gay, he just fell in love with this Rodolfo guy."

"That doesn't make any sense," argued Adam, pinning his eyebrows. "If he wants to bang a dude, he's gay, right? Or at least Bi."

"I don't know, Man." Eli shrugged. "I think sexuality is more fluid than labels; it's not black and white. Love is about what you feel, right? Not about your sex. Or the other person's."

Adam looked thoughtful. "I guess if a guy can be born in a chick's body, a homosexual love can happen in a straight man's life."

"Exactly," nodded Eli. "Look, Adam, I asked you to hang today because we need to talk."

"Oh God," Adam shuddered with false fear. "Are you breaking up with me?"

Eli chuckled. "No, you dork. But…" he sighed. "I AM probably going to be a little busier than usual for a while. With Clare." Adam opened his mouth, but Eli cut him off. "Look, it's not what you think, okay? She's…she's really not handling everything as well as I'd like." A rueful laugh fell from Eli's crooked lips. "That being said, she's still handling it better than I would. I need to be there for her, okay? You do too."

"I know, Eli, and it's fine." No resentment laced Adam's voice, which made Eli breathe a sigh of relief.

"I want you to hang out with us, too, obviously. So does Clare. I just…I don't think I'll be able to have our regularly scheduled guys nights as often as usual." Eli frowned at his friend apologetically. "I'm really sorry, but I have to help my girlfriend. I'd…I'd do the same for you."

"Whoa dude," Adam threw his hands up. "You're getting mushy on me!" Laughter filled the area. "Eli, it's cool, I'll live. Drew's been needy for my time lately since Alli dumped his dumb ass anyway. And besides…"

Eli smirked at the blush appearing on Adam's cheekbones. "Besides what, Adam?"

"I've sort of been talking to a potential ladyfriend for Machismo, here." Redness intensified on his face. "But I don't know if anything will actually come of it, so let's not talk about it yet, okay?"

"Sure, Dude." Eli grinned with a punch to Adam's shoulder. "My little boy's all grown up."

"Shut up, Eli."

_Hey you, take a look around I'm beside you_

_I'm right here for you now_

**A/N: Hope you liked it! Next chapter: Valentine's Day. **** Please review! Makes my fingers type faster…hehe**


	15. Hanging By a Moment

**A/N: Thanks to all who read and reviewed! Just for those who like to read this but don't have it on alert, the story will be rated "M" soon.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Degrassi.**

Clare

Clare smiled as she closed her locker door just to be greeted by her boyfriend's smirking face.

"Hi," she muttered with a shy grin.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Eli responded with a grin, presenting his girlfriend with a small bouquet of violets.

"Eli!" she exclaimed. "I thought you said Valentine's Day was _lame._"

"Well, it _is_." He rolled his eyes as he leaned in for a quick kiss. "But I still wanted to surprise you."

"Well, thank you."

"I didn't get you a card though," he said darkly. "I'm not giving the damn Hallmark companies anymore money for their extortion of holidays."

"I feel bad, I didn't get you anything…" she frowned. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He shrugged, and Clare could tell he really didn't care.

"Hey, these are lovely and all, but how in the world did you keep these fresh in your locker all day?" She raised an eyebrow.

Eli looked down. "I _may or may not_ have skipped last period to pick them up?"

"Eli!"

"What? I said _may or may not."_

"_Fine_, because this was very uncharacteristically sweet, I'll let you off the hook for your truancy." She smirked.

"Spend time with me today?" He looked hopeful.

"I thought Thursdays were guys' nights with Adam."

Eli's face formed a shit-eating grin. "It normally is, but _Adam_ got himself a date."

Clare's eyes widened. "No way."

"Yep. But I know nothing, not details, no names, so let's not gossip like a bunch of little girls about it and take a drive in Morty."

"Well, I'd love to, but I sort of already have plans…" Eli pouted. "But I'd really love it if you'd join me."

_Eli_

Eli had no clue what Clare was dragging him into, but he just wanted to spend time with her. She was so chill about everything and adored the small, simple gesture of a few flowers.

He tried not to think about Julia, and her high-maintenance attitude towards holidays.

_Not today._

"Make a left here," Clare instructed as Morty neared an intersection. "All right, it's the last building on the left."

Eli frowned as they pulled into a hospital. A _children's_ hospital. "Clare? Is someone in your family sick?"

"No, don't worry," she said with a reassuring smile.

The couple made their way to the left wing of the large structure. Clare led Eli into a small conference room. "Here," she said as she threw him a bright blue polo.

"Um, what am I supposed to do with this, Edwards?" She rolled her eyes.

"Go put it on. I'll pay the five bucks for it later."

He was thoroughly confused. "It's not really my _color."_

"Very funny." She dragged him across the hall and shoved him into the men's room. When he emerged, Clare did as well from the lady's room. She donned a matching bright blue polo, but her name was sewed into the left breast pocket.

"Give me that." She motioned for Eli's school polo and put it in her oversized school bag. He followed her back into the small conference room where she put the bag with their coats. "All right, let's go."

He stared at her blankly. "Clare, um, what are we _doing?"_

"Oh!" She blushed. "Of course. Well, I volunteer here on Thursday afternoons."

"Ah. Doing what, exactly?"

"I play with cancer patients," she stated matter-of-factly. "Well, sometimes they're really too ill to _play,_ so I just visit with or read to them."

"How long have you been doing this?" Eli asked, marveled by his girlfriend's general sense of…goodness.

"Since Darcy went to Africa." She took his hand in hers. "Come on."

Clare

Clare couldn't help but feel nervous as she led her boyfriend down the hall, towards the playroom. She had wanted to bring Eli to volunteer with her for a while now, but didn't want to overwhelm him. If she stressed him out in any way or caused him to have a seizure, she would never be able to forgive herself.

"Hi guys!" Clare grinned hugely as she entered the room of sick, yet cheerful, children. She released Eli's hand and knelt down, her arms wide open.

"Clare!" No less than 5 small children ran towards her, fighting for a spot in her embrace.

"How are you guys today?" Clare ruffled a small redheaded girl's hair. Eli gulped when he realized she was the only child out of the eight in the room who _had_ hair.

"I'm good!" One child exclaimed.

"I'm a little tired," another yawned.

"I feel like playing!" the smallest kid announced.

"Okay, Simon," Clare grinned. "I bet I can guess what you want to play."

"Simon Says!" Simon confirmed. Clare laughed.

"Okay, we'll play, but I want to introduce you to my very special friend Eli!" She waved Eli away from the door, towards her. "Say hi, Eli!"

"Hello." Eli smiled at the kids and put his hand on Clare's shoulder.

"Is he your BOYFRIEND?" the redheaded girl asked with huge, blue eyes.

They reminded Eli of Clare, and it broke his heart.

"Yep," Clare confirmed.

"Won't you get cooties?" Simon asked, horrified.

"I got my circle-circle-dot-dot shot, so I don't have to worry about that! Enough talk, guys, let's play!"

_Eli_

"Well, that was fun, but for being sick, those kids sure have a lot of energy!" Eli felt rather good after playing with those kids. Simon, in particular.

"Ha-ha, yeah," Clare nodded as she sipped her coffee. "Most of the kids we saw today are towards the _end_ of a hospital visit. They tend to have more energy after rest and blood transfusions." She frowned. "They're such _good_ kids. Most of them will be back in the hospital within six months."

Eli reached across the table they shared at the Dot to wipe a tear from her cheek. "Why do you do it?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's got to be hard. Surely, some of them…are no longer with us." He reached for Clare's hand. "Why put yourself through that pain, getting close to people who might not…" Eli thought of Simon's smile and couldn't finish his sentence.

"I do it because it makes those poor children feel better, feel happy, for a short while," she said without hesitation. "I've been blessed with good health, and for some reason I'll never know, they haven't. I just want to help in any way I can."

"You're amazing, you know that?" He leaned across the table to kiss her. "Every day, you surprise me with something new to love about you."

Clare blushed furiously. "Thank you." She looked up at him from under her eyelashes. "Would you want to come with me again sometime?"

Eli smiled. "I'd love to."

Later that night as he drifted off to sleep, Eli couldn't help but realize he was falling more in love with Clare than he ever thought possible. After Julia, after she found out about his illness, after all of their pointless drama, he never fathomed they'd end up here.

And he felt damn lucky for it.

_I'm falling even more in love with you_

_Letting go of all I've held onto_

_I'm standing here until you make me move_

_I'm hanging by a moment here with you_

**A/N: Woot woot. Review, please!**


	16. Next To Me

**A/N: This is the last "T" rated chapter. You've been warned. Also, two months have passed since the last chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, nor do I own "Next To Me" by Civil Twilight.**

Clare

When Clare woke up on the morning of April 9th, 2011, the first thing she thought was: _I'm finally 16._

Sixteen. A big age for Clare. Padding towards the shower, she thought of the conversation she shared with Eli a month ago.

_**Eli trailed his hips down Clare's pulse point, stopping every so often to nip at a bit of skin. Her shirt had long ago ended up on the floor next to his. Unconsciously, Clare scratched down Eli's back, so hard she drew a bit of blood.**_

"_**Ow," he mumbled after a rather sloppy kiss.**_

"_**Oh my God, I'm so sorry," she said, horrified.**_

"_**Shh, it's fine," he kissed her nose. "I like it."**_

_**With her bottom lip trapped between his teeth, Eli reached down towards her waistband. Clare froze when he tried to unbutton her jeans.**_

"_**I'm sorry," Eli mumbled as he sat up against Clare's headboard. "I shouldn't have done that."**_

"_**No, it's…it's okay…" Clare sat next to him and put her head on his shoulder. "Eli, I don't WANT to stop, it's just…"**_

"_**What?" He interlocked their fingers.**_

"_**It's stupid."**_

"_**Nothing about you is stupid, Blue Eyes."**_

"_**Ugh. Okay, look, emotionally…I'm ready." **_

_**Eli's eyes lit up. "Really?"**_

"_**Yes, but…"**_

"_**Ah, there's a but."**_

"_**I'm sorry." She looked away from him. "It's dumb, but I really just want to be sixteen before I do…that."**_

_**Eli blinked at her. "Okay, you know I'm not going to pressure you, but may I ask why sixteen?"**_

_**Clare blushed. "I just think you should be able to drive a CAR before you drive a PERSON!" Eli howled with laughter. "Don't laugh at me!" She hit him in the stomach. "It's not funny!"**_

"_**Sorry, Edwards, but it is." Eli put his arms around her, still shaking from his laughing outburst. "Listen to me, Clare." He placed one hand on her cheek, forcing her to meet his eyes. "I don't care HOW long you want to wait. I mean, I'm a guy, so OF COURSE I want to you know, do it…"**_

"_**Eli!"**_

"_**What?"**_

"_**Could you please use a classier term?"**_

"_**Clare, don't get me wrong, sex is great, but there is nothing CLASSY about it." He chuckled and kissed her cheek. "But as I was saying, before I was so RUDELY INTERUPTED," he winked, "I'm not with you because I want to get in your pants."**_

_**Clare couldn't help but smile at that. "Let's…you know, on my birthday."**_

"_**It's called 'sex', Clare. You need to say it. Come on now, say it: 'have sex'."**_

_**Clare groaned. "Eli, let's HAVE SEX on my birthday."**_

_**Eli grinned. "If that's what you want, sure." His face became enlightened with thought. "Hey, by the time we're done, I won't have to actually buy you a present!" He winked.**_

"_**ELI!"**_

_**It took the bruises from THAT particular 'beating' a week to heal.**_

"Tonight's the night," Clare whispered into her bathroom mirror.

**Adam**

"Yes, Eli, I know," Adam repeated for the tenth time.

"_It just has to go down well, okay?"_ Eli stressed through the phone.

"OKAY, Dude," Adam replied, exasperated.

"_Sorry Man,"_ Eli muttered. _"I know I'm acting like a moron here, it's just…Clare's mom didn't even ask her what she wanted for her birthday."_

"Are you serious?" Adam asked, appalled.

"_Clare said she doesn't even think her mom realizes what day it is."_

"Dude that's…damn."

"_I know. Thanks for doing this."_

"No problem. I'll see you tonight."

After hanging up, Adam hailed a cab. He had an airport to get to.

Clare

Clare smiled at her reflection in the mirror: she wore a strapless turquoise sundress with a navy shrug over the shoulders. Navy flats donned her feet and a turquoise headband with a navy flower accented her curly hair. She put on a bit more make-up than she normally would, but it was her _birthday_ after all.

Her phone buzzed. The screen signaled a text message from Eli.

**Let me in, Blue Eyes!-Eli**

Giggling as she ran down the stairs, Clare felt less anxious than before; her mother didn't come home last night, she claimed to be crashing at a friend's house in Ottawa. What her mother was doing in Ottawa, Clare had no idea.

"Hi, Eli!" Clare smiled hugely as she threw her arms around her boyfriend.

"Well, hi!" Eli laughed and hugged her back. "You'd think the birthday girl was happy to see me or something."

"I am!"

"Are you ready for our big birthday date?" He grabbed her hand and escorted her to Morty.

"You have _no_ idea," she sighed. "I've been looking forward to this for months." She winked. "And not JUST for our date."

If she didn't know any better she would have sworn she saw Eli blush.

**Adam**

"You excited to see Clare?" Adam asked the girl next to him. After picking up his current companion at the airport, they rushed to Eli's to help Leah decorate for Clare's surprise party. Guests had arrived, and everyone was just waiting for the couple to show up.

"I really am!" squealed the girl. Adam had to fight to keep from rolling his eyes.

_Girls._ Thank God he didn't have to pretend to be one anymore.

Adam's phone buzzed and a text from Eli cued him to make everyone hide. "Okay, guys!" Adam bellowed. "They're almost here! Everyone hide!"

Clare

"Eli, what are we doing at your house?" Clare questioned. "I thought we were going to Rizzoli's for dinner." Eli had just parked Morty in front of his house, making Clare thoroughly confused.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot to tell you I left my credit card in my kitchen. Realized it on my way to pick you up," Eli responded.

"Oh, it's okay, I'll just wait in the car."

"Um…no," he said a bit too quickly. Off Clare's quizzical look, he explained: "Mom wants to say Happy Birthday. Come in with me please?" He smirked, eyes shining with happiness. Clare couldn't refuse. Eli opened her door and put his hand on the small of her back as they walked towards his front door. "By the way, you look beautiful."

"Thanks." She blushed as Eli unlocked the door. He turned the lights on and then…

"SURPRISE!"

"Oh my," Clare gasped. She put her hand to her heart in amazement as she glanced around the living room. Nearly all her friends stood in various places and positions: Adam, Jenna, even Sav and Holly J. Leah stood in the kitchen doorframe, beaming at Clare; Eli's grandmother could be seen sitting in the room behind her. "What is all this?"

"Thought it was rather obvious," Adam stated, shit-eating-grin in place. "It's a surprise party! For your birthday! Yay!"

"Dude," said Eli, shaking his head.

"What?" Adam shrugged. "It is!"

"Thank you," Clare said, her eyes darting towards Eli.

"You're welcome, Blue Eyes," he said before kissing her temple.

"AWE, aren't you two cute," Holly J pretended to gag.

"Sav, keep your woman in check, would ya?" Eli asked.

"Ha. You'd like to see me _try_." Sav grunted as Holly J dragged him into the kitchen.

"Happy Birthday, Baby," Leah crossed the room to her son's girlfriend. Wrapping her in a hug, she said: "Love you."

"Thanks," Clare hugged back. "Love you too."

"Okay, Eli," Leah turned towards her son. "I'm going to Bubbi's for the night. _Do not trash my house."_

"Yes Ma'am." Eli saluted then turned towards Clare. "Are you okay with this? It was sort of Mom's idea. She said everyone ought to have at least one surprise party in their lives."

"Actually, this is my second." Clare smirked. "Had one when I was five. Barney the Dinosaur entertained, there was chocolate cake…it was a big deal."

"Oh," Eli looked rather sad, breaking Clare's heart.

"But this one has _much better_ company," she assured him, standing on her tip-toes for a kiss.

"Well, good," Eli muttered when they pulled apart. "Speaking of the company, I sort of have a surprise for you…" he steered her towards the kitchen.

"Another one?" she teased.

"Yep. Come on out, Alli!"

"CLARE BEAR!" Alli ran into the living room and pummeled Clare with her hug.

"ALLI!" Clare squeezed her best friend back with all the strength she had. "What are you doing here? I thought your parents didn't want you to come home until the summer?"

"Well, Sav convinced them I needed to be here for my best friend's sweet sixteen." Alli drug Clare to the couch. "And they said I can finish the year at home, but not at Degrassi."

"But you're still BACK!" Clare squealed (not as annoyingly as Alli, mind you, but she squealed none the less). "This is so great!"

"I know!" Alli grinned. "I almost didn't make it, since my parents are out of town, but Eli arranged to Adam to pick me up from the airport."

"He did, did he?" Clare smiled at Eli, mouthing 'thank you'.

"Do you want your birthday present?" Alli asked, eagerness visible in her eyes.

"Sure," Clare shrugged. Alli ran into the kitchen. "Nice job, Goldsworthy."

"Why, thank you," Eli looked smug. "Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves." And they were: Adam and Jenna were dancing by the stereo, Holly J and Sav were wrapped up in their own little world, and the refreshments laid out didn't remain untouched.

"Here, Clare!" Alli bounded back to the couch. "I got it in India."

Clare carefully unwrapped the package. Inside was a beautiful green scarf with blue embroidery. The two colors should have clashed, but they intertwined beautifully. "This is beautiful, Alli," Clare breathed. "Thank you."

"You're welcome!" The two girls hugged, and Eli smiled at the sight of his happy girlfriend.

_Eli_

"That was some party," Clare plopped down on Eli's couch. Alli and Sav, the last remaining guests, had just left. "I'm pooped."

"Yeah, I never thought I'd say this, but I might be sick of Twister," mumbled Eli as he joined Clare, lazily slinging an arm around her shoulders. "And 'I Never'."

Clare giggled at the memory of Eli being stripped down to his boxers in their little party game.

"Don't laugh at me, lady!" Eli tickled Clare, pinning her to the sofa in hysterics.

"I-can't-stop-laughing-if-you-don't-stop-tickling-me!" she spat out between fits.

"Okay, okay!" He put his hands up but didn't move.

"Umm…Eli? Couldn't you get off of me?"

"Nope." He shook his head. "You're too comfy.

"Fine." She pouted.

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Stop giving me your version of the puppy-dog face."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You can't feign innocence with _me,_ Edwards."

"I feign NOTHING, Goldsworthy."

"Ugh, fine." He sat up, pulling her with him. "Not stop pouting." She rewarded him with the biggest grin he'd ever seen. "So, do you want your present?"

"I thought the party was my present!"

"Well, that's more from Mom." Eli rose and headed for the coat closet. "I got you something else."

"Oh, you didn't have to."

"I know, Babe." He sat next to her with his coat in hand. "I wanted to. Now close your eyes."

"Eli-"

"Close em'!" She complied, and Eli placed a small package in her hand: a black box with a bright blue bow on it. "Okay, you may open them."

Clare gasped (for at least the third time that night) upon opening her gift; in the box sat a small, silver ring with a miniscule diamond (her birth stone) in the center. "Eli…it's lovely."

"Read the inscription."

"True Love Lasts." Clare's eyes welled up. "Eli…"

"I thought it was a nice spin on what your purity ring said…'True Love Waits'." He looked down. "Is it too much?"

"No, no…Eli, I love it." She leaned up to press her lips to his. The kiss was slow, sweet, and long.

"Can I put it on you?" Eli asked.

"I don't know, can you?" Clare softly retorted.

"Clare."

"Yes, Eli," she whispered.

As he slid the piece of jewelry onto her left ring finger, Eli couldn't help but imagine another day, in the (not _too_) distant future when he might present Clare with another (larger) diamond. She'd be saying yes to an entirely different question.

Clare

"You know, Eli, you've now replaced TWO very important pieces of my jewelry," Clare whispered between heated kisses on Eli's bed.

"I know." He smirked then proceeded to nibble on her ear.

"Eli…" she moaned.

"Mmmm?" Eli took his t-shirt off, throwing it to join Clare's shrug and their shoes on the floor. She dug her nails down his now bare back, enticing a groan out of his throat. "Fuck, Clare."

She was panting too heavily to even think about reprimanding him for the offensive word. With shaky hands, she reached for his belt.

"Clare," he grabbed her wrist. "If we go there, I really don't know if I can…stop."

"Eli," she whispered, her voice deepened by arousal. "I'm ready. We've talked about this."

He looked deep into her eyes, searching for any sign of doubt and found nothing but pure, unadulterated love.

"Okay," he said, leaning down to capture her lips once more.

_I've got this second chance_

_I'm gonna take it_

_I've got this song and dance_

_I'm gonna take it_

_I've got all that I need_

_And I can taste it_

_I've got you __**next to me**_

_And I don't wanna waste it_

**A/N: Well, did you like? Please let me know. Again, this is the LAST "T Rated" chapter…for obvious reasons. Please don't stop reading, I promise, nothing will be too dirty. Thanks **


	17. First Time

**A/N: Well, here's the sexytime. Thank you to all who reviewed; please don't throw fruit at me! ;-)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, nor do I own "First Time" by Lifehouse**

_Looking at you, holding my breath_

_For once in my life, I'm scared to death_

_I'm taking a chance_

_Letting you inside_

_Eli_

Clare lay beneath him, shaking ever so slightly. His heart swelled (among other things).

"Clare…" Eli leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I…God, you're beautiful."

"So are you," she whispered, earning a look from Eli.

"Excuse me? Come on Edwards," he chuckled nervously. "Guys are supposed to be _handsome._"

"Oh, I'm _sorry_. You're handsome." A shaky hand reached up to cup his cheek. "But your eyes…I'm sorry, Goldsworthy, but _they_ are _beautiful_." Eli didn't know what to say, so he caught her lips in his, nervously reaching for the back of her dress. She arched her back, giving him easier access to the zipper (which would prove too stubborn for his liking). His trembling hands slid the dress past her toes, leaving Clare in her simple, white cotton underwear and bra; he sucked in a breath at her innocence and the slightly vulnerable look in her eyes.

"You okay?" he whispered.

She giggled slightly. "Eli, I'm fine; I'm just a little bit nervous." She reached for his belt buckle, and took it off with no problem. After unbuttoning his jeans, however, Clare struggled to get them off. "Dammit, Eli…"

"What?" he laughed.

"You HAVE to stop wearing skinny jeans." With a soft chuckle he removed her hands, stood up, and shimmied himself out of the offensive pants.

"Come on, Edwards," his deepened voice said. "You know you _love_ what the skinny jeans do for my butt." Before she could retort, he wiped the incredulous look off her face with a searing kiss that left her quivering beneath him. He lightly dragged his fingertips across her collarbones, through the valley of her breasts, and down to her navel; this illicited a shiver from the girl panting beneath him.

"Eli…" she slowly pushed him off of her and sat up. He looked confused, that is until she reached behind her back, unhooked her bra, and threw it on the mess they had made of Eli's bedroom floor. His eyes widened and he tentatively cupped her face in his hands. "Touch me, Eli." Her voice hitched on the last syllable, and he swallowed. As he gently cupped her breasts, he couldn't help but think that all this fooling around was _finally_ leading to the point of foreplay. Only God knew how long he would last with a girl he loved as much as he loved Clare, but he wanted to make this as good for her as realistically possible. Lifting her up just to lay her down on her back, Eli trailed hot kisses down her neck, alternating sides.

He removed his lips from hers and held himself up with one hand, while the other gently eased her panties down, past her knees, ankles, and finally feet.

_I'm feeling alive all over again_

_As deep as the sky that's under my skin_

_Like being in love, she says for the first time_

_Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right_

_Where I belong, with you tonight_

_Like being in love to feel for the first time_

Clare

Clare was lying stark naked under her nearly-equally-naked boyfriend, and she wanted to even the score. With a sly (yet _shy_) smile, she pulled on his boxers, indicating her desire. Eli smiled down at her as he raised himself up to slide the boxers off. Clare couldn't help but gasp; she had never seen him _completely_ unclothed until now.

"Like what you see, Edwards?" he asked, grinning. She just stared at him, shock written all over her face. "God," he hit himself on the head. "I really don't know why I said that." She smiled up at him.

"It's okay. I'm used to your smugness."

"Very funny, Clare…and it's _not _okay; I'm just so anxious…" he looked away.

"You're nervous, Eli?" she inquired, raising an eyebrow. This wasn't exactly _his_ first time.

"Clare, I'm so fucking nervous it's not even _funny._"

"Why?" Her voice came out very, VERY quiet.

"Because I love you," he kissed her quickly on the lips. "Because I don't want you to make a decision you're not ready for or might regret."

"Eli…" she reached up to run one hand through his hair, using the other to pull him down to her by his neck. "I love you too." She kissed him slowly, and oddly, almost _chastely_. "I am ready for this. I promise."

"Okay…" Eli situated himself properly between her legs. Their eyes locked for a moment, both sets shining with emotion. "Clare, can you…here." He softly placed his hands on her hips to spread her legs apart. She gasped when he reached down to touch her.

"Eli…what…OH!" Her hips bucked upward when he inserted two fingers into her, moving in circles to make her good and wet. "Eli…" she clenched the bed sheets and moaned (loudly). Once he was satisfied with her heightened arousal, Eli removed his hand and positioned himself on top of her again. "What was _that _for?" she gasped.

"That," he kissed behind her ear. "Was to help make things run more…smoothly."

Clare arched an eyebrow, getting it. "Really, Eli? I hardly think this is the time for puns."

"Clare, it is ALWAYS time for MY puns." He chuckled at the look on her face then kissed her, hard.

"Eli…please…"

He pulled away, and stared at her for a moment, before speaking softly. "You're _positive_?"

"Yes," she breathed, arching her back a little bit to further prove her point, only slightly alarmed by the intensity of his arousal on her leg.

"Okay," he kissed both of her closed eyelids as he spread her legs apart once more. "Clare…this is going hurt at first, okay?"

She nodded quickly. "I…I know."

"I love you," he whispered as he eased into her.

_We're crashing_

_Into the unknown_

_We're lost in this_

_But it feels like home_

_Eli_

He groaned once halfway inside her; she was _so fucking tight._ The sound of her breath hitching nearly made him lose it, and that just wouldn't do. Reaching her resistance, he hesitated to move.

"What's wrong?" she squeaked from underneath him.

"Hold on to me, Blue Eyes." She complied, and he pushed fully into her. As she cried out, he felt his heart rip in two.

_Dammit, don't cry._

"Shh…" he kissed the few tears falling from her pretty blue eyes away. "I'm here." She squeezed his shoulders tightly, and he waited for her to adjust to his invasion.

"Eli…" she softly sobbed. "It…I hurt."

"I know, Baby…" he kissed her forehead. "Do you want…do you want me to stop?"

"No," she gasped. "Just…keep going." He complied with her wishes, and moved slowly in and out.

"Oh, God, Clare…" he grunted. After a few more strokes on his part, she surprised him by raising her hips to meet his thrust with one of her own. "_Fuck."_

"Eli…slow down, just a little…please…" Eli stopped, horrified. Her little maneuver caused him to speed up his movements, driven by pleasure.

"God, Clare…I'm so sorry."

"It's okay…" He moved slowly, crying out himself whenever she did. "ELI!" She ran her nails down his back, drawing a bit of blood (not for the first time, either). The endorphins running through Eli blocked any pain his small girlfriend could inflict.

"Clare…God…I…." his entire body vibrated bore collapsing on top of her, and his lips didn't leave hers at the end.

Afterwards, they lied next to one another, equally sweaty from the event. Panting, he pulled her to his chest and held her head close to him. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah…" she trailed off.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing…it's just…really nothing like the movies, is it?" Eli chuckled.

"Not really, Clare. I should've lit candles or some shit…God, I'm sorry…"

"No! No, Eli…it was as close to perfect as I could ever have hoped to get." She kissed his cheek. "It was right…just you…and me."

"Well, I don't know about you, but that's all _I _need."

"I love you." She wrapped her arms around him, slightly dazed and sleepy from the eventful evening. "Forever, Eli."

"Forever, eh?"

"Oh no, I didn't mean…" Eli could only see her messy, curly hair when he looked down, but he could certainly feel the heat rising to her cheeks.

"Clare…" he kissed her head. "Look at me."

"No."

"Edwards."

Sighing, she obeyed. He kissed her, long and slowly on the mouth. "I love you. Always. Okay?"

She grinned. "Okay."

_I'm feeling alive all over again_

_As deep as the sky that's under my skin_

_Like being in love, she says, for the first time_

_Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right_

_Where I belong with you tonight_

_Like being in love to feel for the first time_

**A/N: Well? I tried very, VERY hard on this chapter. Please let me know what you think. Criticism (positive or negative) is always good for a writer.**


	18. The Morning After

**A/N: Sorry for the hiatus, there. Writer's block, dealing with the aftermath of a family tragedy, blah blah blah…on with the story! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or "The Morning After" by Elliot Smith.**

_I'm in love with the world_

_Through the eyes of a girl_

_Who's still around the morning after_

_Eli_

Eli woke up with Clare in his arms and grinned; not only was she _in his bed_, she was _NAKED in his bed._ Memories of the night before flooded his mind and he sighed with contentment. His mind couldn't help but wander to his first time with Julia (his first time, period). She left before he woke up the next morning and avoided him for a week. Despite their closeness, the whole situation became terrible awkward. Being with Clare like this, however, was another story.

"Morning," Clare mumbled sleepily from her position on his chest.

"Morning," he whispered, then kissed her hair. "How did you sleep?"

"Quite well, and you?"

"Good." Clare giggled. "What's so funny, Edwards?"

She looked up at him under her eyelashes (mascara still in place from last night). "We sound so formal!"

"Well, you ARE my lady." He rolled his eyes.

"You know what?" She smiled.

"What, Blue Eyes?"

"I can't help thinking that this should be _incredibly_ awkward, but it's not…at least not for me."

Eli smiled at the blush forming on his girlfriend's cheeks. "It's not just 'not awkward', Clare, it's pretty damn great." He kissed her forehead. "In fact, I could get MORE THAN USED to waking up with you in my arms…_naked_." He whispered the last word into her ear, sending shivers down her back. He leaned down to kiss her lips, but Clare shot up like a bat out of hell. "Clare? What's wrong?"

"I HAVE MORNING BREATH, ELIJAH!" she yelled as she scrambled to put her clothes on. Eli could do nothing but tilt his head back and howl with laughter.

"Clare, calm down." He stood up and went to her, putting his arms around her (still naked) frame to keep her still. Tilting her chin up with his hand, he whispered: "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

"Rhett Butler? Really?"

"Shut up, Miss O'Hara". Their lips collided, and limbs intertwined as they tumbled to the floor in a silly, romantic mess.

Clare

"I have to say, Alli, aside from Eli not getting killed on Vegas Night, I've never been happier about something." Clare was referring, of course, to Alli being home from India.

"Awe, thanks!" Alli beamed. "I feel special."

The two girls strolled through the park by Alli's house; a lazy Sunday afternoon was in order following Clare's birthday party the night before.

"So…" Alli looked at Clare meaningfully. "Did you stay with Eli last night?"

A crimson flush filled Clare's cheeks, giving Alli her answer.

"Did you guys cuddle?"

"Well, yeah…but Alli, I have to tell you something." Clare gestured to the swings. "Let's go sit down." The playground was surprisingly barren for a beautiful spring afternoon, and Clare felt rather thankful.

"Okay, Clare! Spill!" Alli kicked her feet, swaying a little in her swing.

"Last night…well…Eli and I…we…" Clare looked at Alli meaningfully.

"YOU DID IT?" All swinging stopped.

"YES!" Clare hopped up to silence her friend. "SHH!"

"Sorry!" Alli stage-whispered. "Are you okay?"

Clare smiled. "I really am." She took her promise ring off and handed to Alli. "He gave me this beforehand."

Alli examined the piece of jewelry. "Cute, Clare. Hey, at least you had some sort of commitment ring on your finger!"

Clare bowed her head. "I didn't really think of that." She sat back down after retrieving her ring.

"Do you regret it at all?"

"No," Clare responded without hesitation.

"Was it good?"

"ALLI!"

"Well, was it?" Alli grinned.

"Alli…"

"If you don't tell me, who ARE you going to tell?"

"…good point."

"I'm a genius, the sooner you realize this, the better off we'll all be. Now…was it?"

"Really, really good." She couldn't contain her goofy grin.

"Did it hurt? My first time did."

"Yes, but Eli…he was so sweet. I have to admit, it wasn't like I expected it might be, but I really don't know WHAT I was expecting."

"Yeah, it's not really a story-book affair." Alli looked a bit bitter.

"I'm sorry." Clare felt very bad. Alli didn't have a boyfriend, something that was typically important to her.

"Oh, Clare, don't be…I WANT to hear about this stuff." She rolled her eyes. "I mean, come on, how many times did I go on and on about Johnny or Drew to you?"

"…good point, again."

_Eli_

"So, Elijah," Leah began as she served her son dinner (braised beef and mashed potatoes; she felt like cooking). "Did everyone have a good time last night?"

"Sure did." Eli sipped his soda. "Thanks again for setting the party up, Mom. Clare was thrilled."

"No problem, Kid." Leah reached for a crescent roll. "You know I love Clare. I feel so bad for her; she's going through a lot."

"Yeah…" Eli trailed off sadly. "Mom, Helen didn't even acknowledge her birthday. She hasn't been home."

"You're fucking with me."

"No, Mom!" Eli shook his head; his mom rarely swore. "I don't know what's going on. Her dad called and said happy birthday, but she hasn't seen him in months."

"Is he still gay?"

Eli shrugged. "I would assume as much."

"Did Clare stay here last night?" Leah already knew the answer, and she didn't mind, Clare had slept over several times before.

"Yes," Eli looked down, appearing nervous. "Um, Mom…"

"That's me…"

He ran a hand through his hair. "I know the deal with us is we have to be open, so…I should tell you: Clare and I slept together last night."

Leah rolled her eyes. "I'm surprised it didn't happen before now, Son."

"You're not mad?"

"Were you safe?"

"She's on birth control."

"Were you respectful?"

"Of course."

"Then I'm not mad."

"Good."

"Is she okay?" Leah spooned a second helping of potatoes on her plate.

"Oh, in that regard, she's good." Eli smirked.

"ELIJAH!" Leah rarely blushed, but the occasion called for it. "I may be 'cool with it', but I did NOT need to know that."

Eli roared with laughter until the ringing of his phone interrupted. Seeing it was Clare, he immediately answered.

"Hello? Miss me already?" His tone was teasing. Leah pretended to gag.

"_Eli?"_ She sounded as though she had been crying, putting Eli on high alert.

"Yeah? What's wrong?" He was already halfway to the kitchen door. Leah appeared worried, but waved him out, signaling him to call her.

"_Mom's gone. She's not coming back."_


	19. A House Is Not A Home

**A/N: Long time, no update. Sorry about that. Theatre rehearsals are getting rather intense! A note on this story: I will finish it by the end of the week. There will be six more chapters after this one, and I plan to do a sequel at some point. Enjoy reading!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or "A House is not a Home"**

_A chair is still a chair_

_Even when there's no one sitting there_

_But a chair is not a house_

_And a house is not a home_

_When there's no one there to hold you tight,_

_And no one there you can kiss goodnight_

Clare

Clare stared at the note in her trembling hand:

_Clare,_

_I'm sorry, Baby, but I have to go away for a while. I don't know when I'll be back. You've always been so grown up, so…together. You'll be okay. I left you five hundred dollars. You should be able to make that stretch, right? _

_Call Grandma Lizzie if you need anything._

_I DO love you; I just…can't live my old life anymore._

_Mom_

_P. S. I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell your father about this when you talk to him next._

"Seriously?" She asked (anyone) aloud for the fifth or sixth time. A knock sounded on the door, which she answered almost immediately.

_Eli. Thank God._

_Eli_

Eli stared at his girlfriend, rather alarmed. She stood in the doorway, hair dishelved, eyes red, and her _entire body was trembling._

"Eli," she choked out. "She's…she's gone."

With that, she fell into his arms, sobbing hysterically. He did all he knew to do: stroked her hair, kissed her head, and allowed a refrain of "I love yous" to fall from his lips.

Clare

Clare snuggled into Eli's arms on her bed. All cried out, she sniffled and hiccupped while Eli continued to comfort her, hold her.

"Clare, maybe she'll be back," Eli tried to reason. "She didn't say she'd NEVER come home."

"Ha," Clare sighed. "Home. This isn't a home. This is a HOUSE, a dead body, an empty shell. It lost its soul some time ago; it hasn't been a home since then."

"Clare…"

"Eli, she said 'she can't live her old life anymore'". She buried her head in his chest, trying not to sob again. Her voice came out muffled: "Does that sound like she's coming home to you?"

Eli didn't know what to say to that.

_Eli_

Clare finally fell asleep; she exhausted herself with tears. Eli slowly slid out from under her and tiptoed to the hallway. He needed to call his mother.

"_Hello?"_

"Hey, Mom."

"_Eli! What happened? Is Clare okay?"_

"Not really. Her mom left."

"_Oh. When will she be back?"_ Eli could hear kitchen tools banging in the background.

"We…don't know. She said she couldn't be here anymore and didn't know when she'd be back." He felt is blood begin to boil with anger.

"_Oh, that is TERRIBLE!"_ Leah sound completely outraged. _"What kind of mother IS she?"_

"Obviously a bad one." Eli hesitated; an idea began to form in his head a while ago. Clare needed a home, and as she proclaimed earlier, this house was no longer one by any definition of the word. "Mom, look, I know this is a lot to ask, but…"

"_Spit it out, Elijah."_ Leah knew what her son was going to ask.

"Can Clare stay with us? Semi-permanently?" He held his breath. Leah never had a problem with Clare sleeping over, but her _moving in_ with them might be another story.

"_Well…"_ Leah sighed. _"Sure. I love that girl, and frankly, I just want to take care of her."_

"I just want to help her, Mom. She stood by me through so many things."

"_I know. And just to make sure, you think this is a good idea?"_

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" Eli scratched his head in confusion.

"_Relationships can change when couples move in together, Kid. Are you sure Clare is IT for you? Because this isn't a fleeting matter. Once she moves in, she's staying. If you make that commitment, you just can't back out of it."_

"I know, Mom. I swear, I want this."

"_Does she?"_

"Honestly? I think she wants to be anywhere but here."

Clare

Clare woke up around nine P.M. She stretched and wiped the sleep (made worse from all the crying) out of her eyes. She reached for Eli, but he wasn't next to her. Looking up, her eyes fell on his frame, rummaging around in her…closet? Her suitcase and duffel bag were open, and Eli threw jeans, sweaters and her school uniform pieces into them haphazardly.

"Eli?"

He spun around. "Hey, sleepyhead." He walked over to her and placed a peck on her forehead. "Did you have a nice nap?"

She nodded. "What are you doing?"

"Oh," Eli sat next to her. "I'm sort of…packing your stuff up."

"Okay…" she shrugged. "Um, why, exactly?"

He chuckled. "Well, I wanted to ask you something."

"Ask away."

He held both of her hands in his. "You're right, Clare. This house is NOT a home. You deserve one. I want you to know that you can always come to me. I'll be your home, if you let me."

"Wow," Clare breathed. "Eli, I love you and appreciate the gesture, but that's probably the corniest thing you've ever said."

"Ha-ha." He rolled his eyes. "Look, I talked to Mom. We want you to move in with us."

"Eli, I can't do that!" Clare stood up and began pacing. "I will not be a burden to your mother!"

He rose and placed his hands on her shoulders to quell her nervous movement. "Baby, you're NOT a burden. I love you. Mom loves you. You're _family_, now. To both of us."

"Eli…" tears streamed down her already puffy face. "Don't you think I've cried enough today?" She hiccupped. "If you keep being so sweet, I'm going to dehydrate myself!" They laughed.

"Oh, well _excuse _me, Edwards." He pulled her in for a hug, resting his chin on her head. "I'll try to be my usual snarky self when you move in. At least in the mornings."

"Okay," Clare whispered.

"Okay? Does that mean you'll do it?"

"I'd love to." He kissed her passionately and proceeded to throw her things into the duffel bag.

_Eli_

"Mom, we're here!" Eli bellowed after closing his front door.

"In the kitchen!" Leah called.

"Eli," Clare whispered. "I'm nervous."

"What?" He cocked an eyebrow, an amused expression on his face. "Why?"

"What if she thinks I'm PATHETIC? I mean, it's not everyday her son calls her up and says "Yo, Mom, my girlfriend's mom sucks. Can she crash with us?"

Eli howled with laughter. "Edwards, did you just say 'yo'?" She hit him. "I'm sorry, but the way you make me sound so…ghetto…is hilarious!"

"Very funny!" She took his hand. "Let's go, then."

They entered the kitchen and smelled the glorious scent of cookies baking. Leah looked up from the oven. "Clare!" She rushed over to her. "Hi, Baby." They embraced, and Clare felt a (another) tear slide down her cheek. "I'm so sorry your mom is a bitch."

Clare had to laugh at the bluntness. "Thank you SO much for letting me stay here, Leah."

"Stay here?" Leah rose an eyebrow. "This is your new home, Babe."

Eli watched his mother stroke his girlfriend's cheek and smiled. He knew things would be okay…eventually.

_I'm not meant to live alone_

_Turn this house into a home_

**A/N: Hope you liked. Review and get virtual cookies (the yummy kind, not the kind that hurt your computer)**


	20. I See You Getting Closer, Amity

**A/N: WARNING! EXTREME SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, nor do I own "Amity" by Love Hate Hero**

Clare

Clare rolled over in bed, her navy t-shirt riding up to expose her pale stomach. Her face, a mere inch from Eli's, formed a smile at the sight of her sleeping boyfriend; his mouth hung open and a thin line of drool ran down his cheek. She stretched and hopped to the floor, heading for the bathroom to brush her teeth. Eli had yet to become acquainted with her morning halitosis of sorts and she planned to keep it that way.

Clare knew she'd be lying if she said living with her boyfriend was anything but excellent (so far, anyway). It had been a week since she moved into the Goldsworthy residence; she hadn't heard from her mother, but Grandma Lizzie was aware of the situation. She laughed as she placed toothpaste on her brush, remembering _that_ conversation:

"_So…you're living with your boyfriend?"_ Grandma Lizzie attempted to confirm over the phone. Clare had just finished explaining everything; she wasn't particularly nervous about her grandmother's reaction. Lizzie believed in free love.

"Yes, Grams." Clare twirled the cord from Leah's kitchen phone around her finger. "I know it's weird, but I don't want to move to Niagara Falls, and your life is there…"

"_It's not weird, Sweetie. I say be happy."_

"Thanks Grams."

"_I do have half a mind to find your mother and give her a good spanking though." _Clare's face fell.

"Let's not talk about Mom."

"_Okay, Honey. I do want you to agree to one thing for me, though."_

"What?"

"_Every other week I'm coming there to take you out to dinner, and the opposite weeks you're coming here."_

"Why?" Clare sighed, and then realized how she sounded. "I mean, I love our visits, but we usually just see each other twice a month."

"_Family is IMPORTANT, sweet girl. I'm sorry your parents and sister are so absent."_

"It's okay, Grandma…"

"_No, it's not. I'm going to try to make up for their…what's the word, these days? For their 'doushebaggery'?"_

"Grandma!" Clare's jaw dropped in shock.

"_What?"_

"Where did you even hear that?"

"_Hey, I'm cool!"_

Clare rolled her eyes. "That you are. Love you, Grams."

"_Love you too, Clare."_

She padded back into Eli's-no, _their_-room and hopped on his sleeping form.

_Eli_

"Oomph!" Eli groaned, not entirely aware of what was going on. He felt weight on his waist, and shifted.

"Morning, sleepyhead," Clare called from above.

_Clare Edwards was straddling him. Yeah, not a bad way to wake up._

"Clare…" Eli pretended to be annoyed. "It's Saturday. Why are you up so early, huh?" He lifted himself up, coming face to face with his girlfriend. He pecked her on the lips. "And WHY did you wake ME up?"

"Weeeeell…." Clare drew the word out as she leaned in, her minty breath ghosting over Eli's ear. "Your mom is out until Monday. I thought we should spend the day together."

"Oh?" Eli wrapped his arms around her, placing one soft hand on the small of her back and pulling her with him as he lay back down.

"Oh." Clare's lips brushed over his in a slight, almost teasing manner. Eli's hands roamed down to her backside and gave it a soft squeeze. "In bed," Clare added.

"Well well well, Clare Edwards." Eli flipped them so that she was on her back. "You're a feisty one, eh?" His mouth attacked her neck and she squealed in delight. He trailed his lips along her jaw line; once he reached the clavicle he bit down, hard. She moaned in a way she never had before; Eli felt his arousal and Clare most certainly did too, considering all he wore were boxers.

They had had sex twice since their first time, and it got a little better with each experience. Something bothered Eli, though…try as he might (and believe him, he TRIED), he couldn't get Clare to reach her peak. She definitely ENJOYED what they did, but…

He felt like a bit of a failure.

His self-deprecating thoughts soon ran out the door when Clare's hips bucked up towards his.

"Oh, God…" he moaned. An animalistic growl bubbled up from his throat, and he ripped the offensive t-shirt Clare wore right off. She wore no bra, and his lips eagerly made their way to her left breast, nipping at the nipple as his left hand rose to caress the neglected one.

"Eli!" Clare's hips rose to meet his again. "Oh, God…"

Today WOULD be the day. Eli had nothing to do but make sure his girlfriend saw fucking STARS by the time he was done with her.

Clare

Clare never thought she'd say this at sixteen, but she really, REALLY liked sex. It might be her new favorite activity. She and Eli had snuck in two more romps since her birthday, and each time she felt closer and closer to something. What, exactly, she had no idea.

She didn't understand why he seemed so pained whenever they were done. She once asked him if she was doing it wrong, and horrified, he looked at her and said there wasn't really a wrong way TO do it, and she was perfect.

Still, she wondered. But in moments like this, she just couldn't bring herself to care about her insecurities too much. Not when Eli was sliding her panties off, leaving her completely naked before him. She looked up into his eyes, crystal pools trying to convey to him that she wasn't just exposed in body. Her soul was on fucking display for his taking, and she needed him to know that. She was completely, totally, and unequivicollay _his._

"Oh!" Surprise (among other feelings) coursed through her when Eli gently but firmly circled her most sensitive spot with his thumb. Then, a bit roughly (not that she minded), he inserted two swift fingers into her heat at once. He pumped in and out, almost in a frenzied way. His thumb never stopped working it's magic. As his hand continued its meticulous work, Eli kissed her roughly, biting a little sharply on her bottom lip. He enveloped it between his, sucking gently, and a whimper left Clare's mouth and entered his. He rose his fingers, still inside of her, to brush the spot within Clare, and she screamed.

He was certainly glad they had the house to themselves.

Clare continued to writhe beneath him, raising up into his touch every now and then, trying, _begging, _to achieve more friction. He happily complied, pumping his hand faster and faster.

"Oh, FUCK, Eli…"

Eli's face would typically have a smirk on it right now, but his little Saint Clare had just said _fuck_.

"Eli…" She blushed, and reached her hand down to his boxers. She felt like a selfish lover, and that just wouldn't do.

"No," he used his free hand to remove hers from his groin. "You just relax. Let me take care of you."

Clare stared up at him with eyes like saucers, the widest they'd ever been. "O-okay."

Eli smirked then dipped his head to her neck. He slowly nipped and kissed her way down: her clavicle, her breasts…

He had to stop working his magic to reach his lips to her stomach, and she whined loudly at the loss. "Shh," he whispered. His teeth grazed her hipbones, eliciting a groan of both pleasure and frustration from Clare. As he gently spread her legs and moved his head towards their center, Clare grabbed his hair and gasped.

"What-what are you doing?" Clare asked, trembling with anticipation, nerves, and fear.

Eli smiled and looked at her intensely. "Do you trust me, Blue Eyes?"

She slowly nodded.

"Then lie down. Relax."

She obeyed, and he finally reached his goal.

_Eli_

"ELIIIIII!" Clare screamed after riding out her first ever orgasm. Eli mentally gloated.

And he had begun to doubt his skill.

Clare panted beneath him, sweat gleaming on her face. "What-" she gasped. "What was that?"

"THAT," Eli said before pressing his wet lips to hers, "was what Heaven REALLY feels like."

"Eli!" Clare exclaimed.

"Yeah, you've said that a few times in the past half hour," chuckled Eli.

She hit him, but couldn't stay mad. Not when she wanted more. "Punishments a bitch, Eli."

"First 'fuck' and now 'bitch'?" Eli smirked (again), infuriating her. "What has gotten IN to you, babe?"

Clare's lips twisted into a smirk of her own. "Not you. Not yet, anyway."

Eli nearly choked hearing those dirty words come out of Clare's mouth.

"Oh, Edwards," he growled. "You have no idea what you're in for."

Once again, he pinned her to the bed with one hand. He used the free one to rip off his boxers and was inside her before she even fully comprehended what the hell he was doing.

He continued to hold her wrists back with one hand, and he pumped in and out of her faster than he had yet dared. "Oh, for the love of….Clare!"

She dug her nails into his back. It was her favorite way to inflict pain (pleasure). This time was frenzied and quick, but Eli held on managed to make her finish again before he let go.

Once finished, they fell into a messy, twisted, hot and sticky heap. Eli moved her sweaty bangs aside and kissed her forehead.

"That…" Clare breathed, "…was amazing."

"Yeah, not gonna lie, that is the best sex I've EVER had."

Clare blushed.

"Ever?"

"Ever." He kissed her hair. "Now, Edwards," he pulled her against him. "Can we PLEASE sleep a little more? It's SATURDAY."

Clare giggled. "Sure. I'm a bit worn out." Even though her back was pressed against his chest, she knew a smirk was plastered on his features. "Stop being so smug, Goldsworthy."

"You wouldn't have me any other way."

"…you're right."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

_Oh, I'm holding on for you…_

_Let's finish this together_

_Have you ever done something that makes you proud?_

_On and on, I do it hands down_

_I…I wanna have a good time_

_Hearts are beating faster, and nothing could be hotter_

_I see you getting closer, Amity_

_Your breath is getting shorter_

_My arms are tired_

_You're slowly sliding closer…_

_To me_

**A/N: Like? Not so much? Please let me know. Also, "Amity" by Love Hate Hero is probably the sexiest song I've ever heard.**


	21. Electrify My Life

**A/N: Update.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Clare

Clare held Eli's hand as Morty drove them to Niagara Falls. Today was the first of the weekly dinners Grandma Lizzie had insisted on, and for some reason, Clare felt nervous.

"You okay?" Eli asked as he glanced at his quiet girlfriend.

"I'm fine, I just…" she bit her lip. "I have a funny feeling, in here." She placed a hand on her stomach. Eli painted a look of false horror on his face and smirked.

"Um, something you want to tell me, Edwards?"

"No, why?" Clare looked at him with a completely valid look of innocence. He chuckled.

"Never mind." He rubbed her hand with his thumb. "How are you dealing? We haven't really talked about it much since you moved in."

Clare took a moment to think. How _was_ she doing? Sure, she missed her mom, but it was rather nice not having to take care of her when she got drunk. _Stop it, Clare,_ she scolded herself. _She's still your mother, even if she DID abandon you…_

"I'm scared for her," Clare finally admitted. "And a little pissed off."

Eli squeezed her hand.

_Eli_

Eli took a deep breath as he pulled into Clare's grandmother's home. This was his first time here. Lizzie seemed cool enough the few times he had met her, but she was still Clare's _grandmother_, for fuck's sake. And he was her _live-in boyfriend._ And they were in _high school._ Clare insisted that her grandmother was completely okay, even THRILLED with the situation, but Eli had his doubts.

"Ready?" Clare smiled and leaned across the hearse's front seat to kiss Eli's cheek.

"Sure thing." They made their way to the front door, and he rang the bell.

"Hello, kiddies!" Lizzie opened the door and ushered the young couple in. "Glad you're here!"

"We are too, Grams." Clare hugged Lizzie. "Dinner smells great. What are we having?"

"Your favorite. Homemade mac-n-cheese, peas, and grilled chicken." She gestured for them to follow her into the kitchen as she talked.

Eli chuckled. "Peas, Edwards? Really?"

"What? They're good." Clare shrugged her shoulders and Eli just shook his head, bemused by his girlfriend's….well, just _her_, really.

Clare

"Grams, this dinner was SO GOOD," Clare groaned as she pushed her plate out of the way. She smiled, happy with how the hour passed: her grandmother asked Eli about his mother, favorite songs, hobbies…everything. She was extremely kind and wonderful (not that Clare expected anything less).

"Yes, Miss Anderson, you're an amazing cook," Eli nodded and smiled.

"Call me LIZZIE, you little punk!" Lizzie winked as she gathered the dishes. "Hope you saved room for some dessert; I made fudge brownies with peanut butter swirl.

"Oh, man…" Clare smiled and looked at Eli. "They're great, especially with almond milk."

"_Almond milk?"_ Eli asked, flabbergasted.

"Yeah," Clare laughed.

"No need for all that dairy," chided Lizzie. "I try to use soy and almond milk whenever I can." She brought plates with treats on them, then grabbed the almond milk and poured three glasses. Eli hesitantly tried it and was pleasantly surprised by its taste.

"Good, huh?" Asked Lizzie as she walked into the living room.

"Thanks for coming with me." Clare sipped her drink.

"I was happy to," insisted Eli, "Mom wants to come sometime."

Clare grinned. "Grams would like that."

"Okay, Clare Bear, we need to discuss a few matters," announced Lizzie as she whisked back into the kitchen.

Clare gulped. What could they possibly have to talk about? _I hope Grams hasn't changed her mind about letting me stay with Eli._

"Your mother mailed me these," Lizzie said softly as she sat. She held official-looking papers in her hands.

"What…what are they?" Clare asked quietly, not sure she really wanted to know. Eli took her hand under the table, and she shot him a thankful look. His eyes seemed to tell her what she needed to hear: _I love you, and I'm right here._

"Well, she signed the house over…to Darcy." Lizzie passed the papers to her granddaughter.

"What?" Clare snatched the papers, dropping Eli's grasp from her hand. "She SIGNED OVER THE HOUSE? And to DARCY? WHAT THE HELL?"

"Clare!" Lizzie gasped, not in a scolding manner, but surprise.

"Sorry, Grams," Clare muttered. She looked down. "She's…she's really not coming back."

Lizzie stood and went to hug her granddaughter. "Helen's never really been stable, Sweetie. It's probably my fault…she always wanted a normal life, and I was never quite "normal" enough for her."

"Grams, it's not your fault Mom ABANDONED me…just like Dad." Clare refused to let tears fall from her eyes. "Speaking of Dad, how is this okay? He owns the house too, doesn't he?"

"He signed it over to her when they separated," Lizzie answered. "I'm so sorry. But, we need to try to get a hold of your sister so we can take care of some legal matters."

"She's in Kenya. I haven't heard from her since about a month after Dad's little 'announcement'." Clare shivered. "She promised she'd come home for a visit soon, but I haven't heard anything about that lately. She doesn't even know I'm living with Eli and his mom."

Eli rubbed her back. "We'll call her in the morning, okay?"

Clare looked over her shoulder. "Okay."

_Eli_

"Well," Eli stated as the couple walked into his room, "not a terrible evening."

Clare shot daggers his way. "Are you _serious?"_

Eli held his hands up in defense. "The food was good!"

Clare rolled her eyes and sighed. She started stripping and made her way to the top half (her half) of the dresser. Eli stripped down to his boxers and flopped onto the bed, watching his girlfriend. She chose a Degrassi Drama t-shirt and threw it on over her panties. Eli opened his arms and she crawled into his embrace.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Eli muttered: "You know we'll get through this, don't you?" Clare shook her head into his chest. "We will, Clare." He chuckled darkly. "I think at this point, we can handle most things."

Clare looked up and smiled softly. "You're probably right."

"PROBABLY?" Eli feigned shock. "Really, Edwards, you doubt my SMARTS?" Clare nodded, smirking. "That calls for punishment, you know."

With that, Eli flipped her onto her back and had his way with her, punishing her until the sun came up.

They were late for school the next morning.

_My life_

_You electrify my life_

_Let's conspire to re-ignite_

_All the souls that would die just to feel alive_

_I'll never let you go_

_If you promise not to fade away_

_Never fade away_

_Our hopes and expectations_

_Black holes and revelations_

_And our hopes and expectations_

_Black holes and revelations_

_Hold you in my arms_

_I just wanted to hold you in my arms_

**A/N: Review, please.**


	22. All Around the World

**A/N: Chapter 22! Review in exchange for eternal love from yours truly.**

**Disclaimer: I own this laptop and a red backpack, not Degrassi.**

Clare

"I don't want to do this," Clare said as she gripped the phone tightly.

"I know, Baby." Eli rubbed her back.

"We haven't talked in so long."

"Maybe it's time."

"You're right."

"I know."

"Okay."

A few moments passed. "Um…Clare?"

"Yeah?"

"You kind of need to dial if you expect the call to go through."

"Oh. Right." She dialed. "It's ringing!"

"Good," he chuckled.

"_Hello? Free The Children, Kenya Branch. How may I direct your call?"_ Clare's shoulders deflated. How she managed to forget she'd have to go through a receptionist of sorts, she'd never know.

"Um, hi. My name is Clare Edwards and I'm trying to get a hold of one of your volunteers."

"_Their name?"_

"Darcy Edwards."

"_Your relationship to the volunteer?"_

"We're sisters."

"_Alright. We will send a scout to where she is working. You can expect a call from her sometime in the next three hours. She knows how to reach you?"_

"Okay. Thank you. And yes, she has my cell." She hung up the phone and turned to Eli. "They're fetching her. She will call soon."

Eli kissed her. "See? Aren't you glad we left school early?"

"We really shouldn't have, especially since we got there late!"

"Five minutes, Edwards. Five freaking minutes."

She pouted. "Still."

"We had to come home early if you wanted to call Darcy today because of the time difference." He pulled her into a hug.

"I know," she sighed. "When is your mom supposed to be back from her trip?" Leah was away in London, meeting with a British to discuss the details of their Canadian and US release.

"Sunday." It was Thursday.

"We need to go to the store without her, then. The fridge is looking pretty sad." She laughed.

"Yes, ma'am." Eli picked Clare up and sat her on the island. "I hate these uniforms," he groaned.

"I know, Darling."

"Let's go change."

"Yes, sir."

**Adam**

_**Hey dude. Video games tonight?-Adam**_

Adam closed his phone and sighed. He seriously needed some guy time. Fiona Coyne was frustrating the hell out of him, and killing some shit via a controller to the virtual world might be the only thing capable of easing his frustrations.

His phone buzzed.

_**Can't tonight, dude. Clare and I are waiting to hear back from Darcy, then we have to go to the store. Tomorrow?-Eli**_

Adam let out a breath. _Of course._

Don't misunderstand Adam, he gets enough of that on a daily basis. He gets that Clare is going through a lot and Eli has to be there for her. Hell, HE wants to be there for her too; she's like a sister to him. But it seems like every other week there is some new crisis in her life. Ever since she moved in with him, Eli's been so stuck up her-

_No, Adam. Shut up. You love them both._

Whatever. He'd find his own fun.

_Eli_

Eli sighed as Clare paced back and forth in the kitchen. She looked adorable; she slipped on his favorite yellow sundress of hers when he insisted they change. Her hair was a bit messy; she tended to run her fingers through it while nervous.

"Clare." She stopped pacing, whirling around to face him.

"What if a lion ate her?" It took all of his strength not to laugh and the completely serious look on her face.

"_What?"_ The hurt look on her face confirmed his fear that his amusement didn't stay hidden. "Clare, come on. You have to admit you're sounding a bit ridiculous."

"No I'm not!" She stomped her foot, anger painting her cheeks red. Combined with the yellow dress, Eli thought she looked like the sun.

"Clare, calm down." He stood from the island in the kitchen and went to hold her. "They don't just put volunteers in the jungle." Eli didn't know if this was true or not, and he hated (possibly) lying to his girlfriend. He hated seeing her upset more.

"I haven't heard from her…"

He kissed her, cutting off her worry. "I know," he whispered. "I'm here."

"Thank you," she whispered back.

Then her phone rang.

Clare

"Hello?" Clare answered excitedly. It was an international call, so it _had_ to be Darcy.

"_Hey, Clare."_ Clare jumped up and down at her sister's voice. She squeezed Eli's hand in excitement.

"Darcy!"

The girl on the other line chuckled. "_That's me. What's up? I need to get to bed."_

Clare's heart sank. _What if her sister didn't want to talk to her?_

"_Darcy…"_ she swallowed, and Eli gave her a look of encouragement. _"You know how Mom and Dad split up?"_

"_Yeah,"_ scoffed Darcy. _"And how our father is apparently gay now? I got the memo."_

"There's more." Clare's voice wobbled.

"_What? What else could they POSSIBLY have done?"_ The eldest Edwards sister sounded rather irate.

"Mom's gone. She just left. And she signed over the house to you."

Silence.

"Darce? Are you there?" Clare bit her bottom lip, more uneasy than ever.

"_Yeah, I'm here, Clare-bear…"_ Darcy inhaled sharply. _"She just LEFT? She abandoned you?"_

Clare flinched at the words. "Pretty much."

"_This makes no sense."_

"NOTHING in our family has made sense for a long time, Sis." Clare wouldn't look at Eli; she didn't think she could stand the look of pity on his face.

"_I know. I shouldn't have left."_

"Darcy, no…you did what you had to…"

"_Yeah, okay, but I shouldn't have stayed away for so long. I'm coming home."_

"What?"

"_Well, you can't live by yourself, can you, little sister? I assume Dad is still in the States?"_

"Well, yeah, he is…but I'm not living by myself…"

"_Oh, is Grandma Lizzie staying with you?"_

Clare hesitated. "No, I'm not at the house."

"_You're in Niagara Falls? Did you transfer schools?"_

"No."

"_Then what are you DOING, exactly?"_

"I'm living with Eli." She spoke this statement in a very quiet voice.

"_Oh. That boy?"_

"Yes, my BOYFRIEND." Clare rolled her eyes.

"_And his mom, right?"_

"Right."

"_Well, that just isn't…"_ Darcy sighed (again). _"I guess it's not my place to say anything, huh?" _Clare remained silent, for she didn't want to agree or disagree. _"I'm still coming home. It sounds like there are some things we need to deal with. And when I get there I want you to consider moving home, with me."_

"Darcy, I-"

"_Consider it, baby sis."_

"Fine."

"_I have to go. I'll get up early to deal with the paperwork over here and arrange my flight and everything."_

"Okay. I love you."

"_Love you too. Bye, Sis. Call you tomorrow."_

"Bye."

Clare hung up the phone, and allowed a tear or two to trail down her cheek. She hugged Eli, and he just held her.

"What's this I hear about you leaving me?" he asked after a moment.

"You caught that, huh?"

"Sort of."

"Darcy…I don't know. I don't want to think about it. I'll hear from her tomorrow. Shall we go to the grocery?"

Eli grabbed the keys to Morty. "Sure thing, milady."

**Adam**

All alone, Adam decided to go skateboarding. It had been a while, and he fell flat on his ass several times. The sun started to set, and he thought about just going home and reading comics or something.

Then he saw him.

It made no sense.

He was supposed to be gone.

_Fitz._

**A/N: Yeah, I know, I'm evil ;) I'll update again tonight. Three more chapters! Don't worry, there will be a sequel. But first I'm going to do a little something different…you'll see! **


	23. Gotta Have You

**A/N: Two updates in one day! Do I get a cookie?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or "Gotta Have You" by the Weepies**

**Adam**

"What the hell are you doing out of Juvie?" Adam just got right to the point. He was in no mood to see Fitz, and honestly, he was a bit frightened. Despite the fact that Adam was definitely a guy (totally), and could certainly hold his own in a fight, he was no physical match for Fitz. Hell, even Eli got his ass kicked by the bully.

"Calm down, Adam." Fitz approached him, and Adam immediately backed away, leaving his skateboard.

"What, no clever nicknames?" _Shut the fuck up, Adam. Now is not the time to be snarky. You are NOT Eli, and even if you were, look where his mouth got HIM with Fitz. _

"Listen to me, Torres."

Adam stopped backtracking. Something in Fitz's voice was just…different. "Fine," Adam sighed. "What?"

"I'm in a ton of shit." Fitz looked down. Adam couldn't hold in a snort.

"Don't you think you should be?"

"Yes, but not as much as I am." Before Adam could protest, Fitz explained. "Look, I really did just want to scare Emo Boy, okay? I would never stab anyone. That's just dumb. But…my social worker made me go to a therapist, and…"

"And what?"

"I need to apologize. Put everything about the "incident", as my shrink calls it, behind me." Fitz looked down, and if Adam didn't know any better, he'd think he saw a blush forming on his cheeks.

"Oh."

"Yeah. I was going to do it in a mediated manner at Degrassi, but you're here now, so listen, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let Owen throw you threw that glass door. I really shouldn't have tried to fight you or been a dick about Bianca."

"Thanks…I guess." Adam didn't know how to react. "You know, Fitz, you were actually kind of NICE to me for a while there."

"I know. I thought you were pretty cool. I just…I'm sorry about the fight club thing. I know you think you're a guy-" he held up his hand at Adam's angry look- "-and I'm sure you are. You just had shit luck and your…soul or whatever picked the wrong…vessel."

_What the actual fuck. Did they give him hippie drugs or something?_

"But I just can't hit anyone who is, or has ever been a chick," finished Fitz. "I can't. I couldn't. I don't know why I wanted to fight. I think I knew Eli would come help…I don't know. Anyway, I am really, truly sorry."

Adam sighed. The sincerity in the broken boy before him was nearly palpable. He had no CHOICE but to forgive him. "It's okay, dude. Well, it's not OKAY, but…"

"Thanks, Torres."

"Sure."

There was an awkward silence.

"Well," began Fitz as he tugged on his shirt, "I guess that just leaves Eli and Clare. I already apologized to Simpson."

An alarm went off in Adam's head. "No."

"What?"

"Just…stay away from Eli and Clare. They're happy together, and Clare is going through a lot, and Eli…he just…stay away from them, okay?" Adam's voice was adamant.

"But…I have to apologize." Fitz hung his head.

Adam let out a breath of hot air. "Okay," he relented. "But let ME arrange it, okay?"

They exchanged contact information.

Clare

"Eli, we do NOT need FOUR boxes of Kix."

The scolded boy pouted. "WHY NOT, CLARE?" he whined. "They're kid-tested, and mom-approved!"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, Eli, and that's all fine and dandy. But…Babe…_four boxes is a little extreme,_ don't you think?"

"Fine." He huffed and removed two boxes from the cart Clare was in charge of pushing. "But if I can't get four boxes of Kix, you can't get an entire gallon of peanut butter passion ice cream."

Clare stuck her tongue out. "It only comes in the gallon size, _Elijah_." She pushed the cart. So far the couple had filled the cart with Kix, Special K (for Clare), apples, snow peas, mac n' cheese (the boxed kind, not Grandma Lizzie's), almond milk, regular milk (for Eli, who was a MAN, thankyouverymuch), all the ingredients needed for baking cookies, and frozen chicken. "What else do we need?"

"Besides your ice cream?" he grinned. "Pop Tarts, eggs, orange juice, chips, bread and coke."

"Alright. I'll get the bread, chips and Pop Tarts. Want to take the cart to get the rest?"

"Sure." He pecked her on the temple. "Meet you up front." He took off.

Clare smiled and hummed the song stuck in her head as she headed for the bread aisle.

_Gray, quiet and tired and mean  
Picking at a worried seam  
Try to make you mad at me over the phone  
Red eyes and fire and signs  
I'm taken by a nursery rhyme  
I wanna make a ray of sunshine and never leave home_

No amount of coffee, no amount of cry  
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine  
No no no no no, nothing else will do  
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you

She loved living with Eli, and frowned when her mind wandered to her sister. She didn't want Darcy to live alone, but…

_Eli was her home now._

Even something as mundane as grocery shopping was fun with him; he made her tingle from the inside out. They were soul mates, they were one, they were simply _meant to be._ Sure, they were young, but why in the world should that MATTER? They were by no means a "normal" couple, and why should they have to wait to start their lives together? Who CARES if they want to get married or something?

_Whoa, Clare. Snap out of THAT mess. You're sixteen, he's seventeen. _

Her cell phone rang, pulling (rescuing) her from the dangerous thoughts. The screen let her know Adam was phoning. "Hello?"

"_Clare? Is Eli with you?"_ Adam sounded frantic, and a bit out of breath. Clare immediately began to fret.

"We're at the store; he's on the other side. Why? What's wrong?"__

Adam quickly explained his recent encounter wit h a certain (reformed?) bully. Clare took it all in.

"Okay, listen to me Adam. Do NOT tell Eli about this."

"_Okay, well, will you?"_

"Of course, but…not yet. Look, he's already stressed because my sister might make me move back in with her."

"_Oh. But Clare, you have to tell him! What if he runs into Fitz like I did?"_

"I'll tell him soon, I promise. Just…give me a few days, okay?"

She heard Adam's exasperated sigh through the line. "_Fine."_

"Thanks Adam. I'll see you in school tomorrow."

"_Yeah. Bye Clare."_

Clare hung up the phone and sighed. She didn't want to deal with this. It felt like all too much. And to think, she had just gotten comfortable; she lived with the love of her life. Every time something started to feel normal, it just completely…shattered.

She couldn't stress Eli out anymore. He couldn't have more seizures.

No, she would protect him. She had to.

_Eli_

Eli smiled as he gazed upon his sleeping girlfriend. She seemed rather exhausted and a bit worried when they met up in the grocery store, but inquired about it she just smiled and insisted that sleepiness was the culprit. After eating frozen pizza for dinner (a new favorite of Clare's), she yawned and headed upstairs for bed. He crawled in with her soon after, a bit tired himself.

His arms squeezed her soft frame, which was clothed in one of his Dead Hand t-shirts.

He frowned, thinking about the talk she had with Darcy. It sounded crazy, but he didn't want to sleep without her anymore. Accustomed to her warm flesh flush against his, he shuddered to think of falling asleep or waking up without it.

It was safe to say he was a fucking sap.

Shaking his head, he simply pulled her closer, and thanked whatever God there was for her and the fact that his (if not hers, he guiltily added) life was going so…_well. _

He wouldn't let her leave; he would keep her right where he was. He had to.

_No amount of coffee, no amount of crying  
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine  
No no no no no, nothing else will do  
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you  
_

**A/N: Okay, so the next chapter is probably going to take a few days, because it will be LONG and full of a good bit of action. Chapter 25 (the last chapter) will be a denoument of sorts and set the stage for the sequel. Don't worry, though, I promise it won't end with a cliffhanger. Please review!**__


	24. Anyone Else But You

**A/N: Sorry this took so long to write. I'm not sure why, but it was hard to do.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing that makes me any money; that means I own no Degrassi, and no "Anyone Else But You" by the Moldy Peaches**

Clare

"Eli," Clare sing-songed. "It's time to wake up!" She shook his shoulders.

"Mmm…." He moaned as he stuck his head under his pillow. "No."

"Eli…" she leaned down, removed the pillow and bit his ear. She earned an entirely different kind of moan. "We have to pick up Darcy."

"Idon'twanna." He was nearly _whining._

"I know, Baby." Clare didn't really want to pick up her sister, either. She loved Darcy and wanted to see her, of course, but she didn't want to be pressured into moving back into the house she grew up in.

She wanted to stay with Eli.

Clare sighed from frustration; she still hadn't told Eli about Fitz getting out of Juvie. Everything continued to pile on her heart and mind, and frankly…she was _tired._

"Please, Eli?" she tried again. "Hey, if you get up and deal with my sisterly drama now, I'll let you do whatever you want to me later."

He shot up. "Anything, Edwards?" He raised an eyebrow.

She blushed. "That's what I said."

"I'll hold you to that," Eli called as he hopped out of bed and headed for the shower.

**Adam**

Adam paced his bedroom floor, an activity he had seldom quit since running into Fitz. He sighed and pulled out his phone totext Clare.

_**Have you told him yet?-Adam**_

She replied back almost immediately. _**Not yet. Picking up Darcy from airport. I'll do it this weekend, I promise.-Clare**_

Adam sighed. "I hate keeping secrets." He pouted.

"Drew!" he yelled as he exited his room. "Let's play some video games. I need to kill something."

_Eli_

Eli tried not to laugh as the sisters laughed and giggled in Morty. Their reunion was…well, like any cheesy, somewhat cliché airport reunion between sisters. They laughed, they cried, they squealed, ect. "Having fun, ladies?" he asked.

Clare just nodded.

"Thanks for picking me up, Eli," Darcy noted. "I'm glad we didn't have to take the bus or a cab."

Clare squeezed the hand in hers. "Yeah, thanks Eli." She grinned.

"My pleasure," he droned. "Are you sure you don't want to come to my house, Darcy?"

"I'm sure," Darcy answered. "I need to unpack at home right away then I have to get to the courthouse to make sure the papers Clare gave me are in order."

"And you REALLY don't need me to come with you?" Clare asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Really, Baby Sis," Darcy laughed. "We'll catch up over dinner tonight."

"Okay," Clare smiled, and Eli loved the sight.

**Adam**

"Shit," Adam muttered when he saw who was calling: Fitz. "Hello?" he answered, although he really, REALLY didn't want to.

"_Hey Adam."_ Once again, Fitz's voice sounded eerily tranquil.

"Hi, Fitz." Adam took in a breath. Though he knew the answer, he asked anyway: "To what do I owe this particular pleasure?"

"_I wanted to see if I could talk to Eli and Clare tonight."_

Adam sighed. "I don't know, yet. I'm sorry."

"_Okay, fine. But if you don't arrange it soon, I'm going to have to find him myself."_

"Duly noted." The call ended.

_Fuck._

Clare

"Eli…no," Clare attempted to push her boyfriend off her. He attacked her, pinning her to the couch upon returning from the airport.

"Why? What's wrong?" He sat up, pouting. "I thought you said we could do whatever I wanted later?" He wiggled his eyebrows, and Clare fought the laugh bubbling up in her throat.

"I know, but…hold on to that raincheck for just a while longer." She sighed; nerves wracked her body. It was time to tell him about Fitz, whether she wanted to or not. "I need to talk to you about something."

"What's up, Edwards?" Eli raised an eyebrow. His girlfriend meant serious business. "Wait," his voice laced with fear, "…do you want to move back in with your sister?"

Clare couldn't help but laugh at his pained look. "No! Of course not!" She took his hands in hers. "I want to stay here with you. You know that. I can't imagine being anywhere else."

He smiled softly. "Good."

"I need you to listen to what I have to tell you though, okay?" He nodded, his facial features contorted in confusion. "And not interrupt until I've finished, understood?" Again, he nodded. "Look, Adam ran into Fitz the other day. He's out of Juvie."

"WHAT?" Eli made to get up, but Clare pulled him closer to her, tightening the grip on his hands.

"I said no interruptions, Elijah," she scolded. He pouted and she continued. "He didn't hurt Adam, in fact, Adam said he apologized for everything. And, well," she took in a breath, "-he wants to apologize to us too."

"You've got to be fucking KIDDING me, right?" Eli's face flushed an angry red, reminding Clare of the night of the dreaded dance. Stupid Vegas Night, stupid bullies, stupid ipecac, moronic near-stabbings…

"Look, Eli, Adam said Fitz seems like he's really changed." Clare tried to reason with her boyfriend; she desperately needed him to calm down.

"Yeah, right," Eli snorted. "I'm not meeting with him, Clare. You told me I couldn't get into anymore fights, and well, if I see him, I'll punch him."

"Eli…please." She looked up at him, her ocean eyes moist with tears. "It's been months, school's almost out…"

"So what? Why does this matter so much to you?" His eyes bore into hers. "I don't get it."

"I guess I just believe people can change-"

"Don't be naïve, Clare!"

"I'm not! I just think that you should let him APOLOGIZE. Forgiveness is an amazing thing, Eli…would we be here if I hadn't forgiven you for your involvement that night?"

Eli remained silent for a moment. Clare could see her words beginning to get through to him.

"Fine," he finally agreed. "We can meet him at the DOT, not here, for TEN MINUTES."

"Good," Clare beamed. "I'll just have Darcy meet us there for dinner. Adam and Fitz can come after."

"I don't like this, Clare." Eli's face was stone.

"I know."

_Eli_

"Clare, I think you should just really move in with me," Darcy finally approached the subject as she finished her strawberry milkshake. They had made it through dinner with fairly safe topics of conversation: Kenya, Degrassi, Clare's parents (painful, but necessary)….Jesus. Eli would gladly converse about them all over and over again than hear Darcy try to persuade Clare back into living with her.

And the event FOLLOWING dinner that loomed over him.

"Darcy, look, I understand why you think I should, but it's just not necessary," Clare stated, her voice not faltering. "I love you, and I'm SO GLAD you're home, but living with Eli is working. I've had a whole lot of change this year, as you can see, and you weren't here then." Darcy flinched. "Eli was. He's taken care of me. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, just…to make you understand."

"Clare, I…" Darcy looked pained. "I should have come home sooner. I'm so sorry I didn't."

"I know." Clare reached across the booth and took her sister's hand. "Everything will be ok. Maybe…" she glanced sideways at Eli. "Maybe I could stay with you one evening a week? We can get to know each other all over again."

Eli smiled and nodded. "Yeah, totally. I feel bad leaving you alone on guys' nights anyway."

"Sounds like a plan!" Darcy clapped her hands together and stood. "I have to get going. Manny is in town and I promised to meet her for a drink."

"You drink now, Darce?" Clare raised an eyebrow.

"Ha, hardly. It's been a long day, Baby Sis." Darcy waved as she walked out.

"Well, that wasn't so bad," Eli said as he stretched.

"Nope," Clare agreed. "Oh, hang on, I think Adam's texting me."

_**Hey. With Fitz around the block. Can we come in?-Adam**_

Clare looked up at her boyfriend. "Adam and Fitz are here. Can they come in now?"

Eli nodded, his face oddly pale.

_**Sure. Give us 5 minutes, k?-Clare**_

She took Eli's face with downcast eyes in her hands. "Look at me, Eli." He did. "Try to keep calm. You'll be fine. I'm right here." She pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "I love you." Their foreheads touched.

"I love you too," he said.

"Heeeey, guys," Adam's voice rang. The couple looked up.

They were here.

_Eli_

"Hello, Clare. Eli," Fitz said as he sat down. Adam nervously sat next to him. The couple nodded at the other two.

"Fitz," Clare responded. "You wanted to talk to us?"

"I did," Fitz replied. Eli noticed that something about his former nemesis DID seem…different.

A moment of uncomfortable silence fell upon the foursome.

"Fitz," Adam hissed under his breath. "Get on with it."

Eli squeezed Clare's hand, needing to let her know he was okay. He hated making her worry, and as much as he didn't want to be here, he knew Clare was right. This needed to happen.

"Clare," Fitz began. "I'm sorry for using you as a pawn to get back at Eli. It wasn't fair. For what it's worth, though, I really DID like you."

"You did?" Clare asked in a small voice.

Fitz nodded. "I knew you liked Eli, and I knew he liked you, and I just…did what I always do. Messed it up."

"You didn't mess anything up," Eli interjected. "Clare and I are fine. We're happy. She's actually LIVNG with me."

"Eli, hush," Clare scolded.

"That's good," Fitz said. "I'm glad you worked it out." He sighed and looked down for a long moment. "Eli, look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pulled that knife on you."

"You think?" Eli asked.

"Eli!" Clare hissed. "I think you have something to apologize for too, don't you?"

Eli spared a look at her; the look on her face was adamant. "Yes, I guess," he sighed. "I shouldn't have spiked your drink with vomit juice, Fitz. I'm sorry."

"I think you're ENTIRE feud got out of hand." Adam looked down. "That's just my two cents."

"Adam's RIGHT," muttered Clare.

"Can you ever forgive me, Eli?" Fitz asked, his hands folded on the table. "I forgive you for your part."

Eli was thrown. He knew he should just let it all go, but…Clare rubbed her thumb over his hand. Fine. He'd forgive Fitz.

_It's what SHE would do, after all._

_Clare really had made him a better person._

"Forget about it," Eli said. He held his hand out to Fitz. "For real this time, ok? Truce."

The two shook hands, and Clare and Adam breathed collective sighs of relief.

Clare

"You did well today, Eli," Clare muttered as she crawled into bed next to him.

"Thanks, Blue Eyes," he responded softly. Idly playing with her hair, he continued: "I'm still sorry for what I put you through."

"Shh, it's okay." She began kissing his neck. "Ready to cash in that raincheck?" she asked in a husky voice.

Eli turned over and pulled her into his arms. "Actually, do you think we could just cuddle?"

Clare smirked. _Her boyfriend wanted to cuddle_. "Sure, love." He pressed her back to his chest and held her close.

After a few moments, when Clare thought Eli had drifted off to Dreamland, she heard him whisper.

"Hey, Clare?"

"Hmm?" She rubbed his arms that were circled around her waist.

"You…you weren't HAPPY Fitz liked you, were you?"

"What?" Clare turned around so that she was facing her lover. "No! I was just surprised. How could you think that?"

"I don't know." Eli averted his gaze.

"Eli," she kissed his lips. "Believe me, I know we're young, but I just don't see myself loving anyone else but you."

"Really?"

"Really." She smiled and kissed him again.

"I love you too."

_You're a part time lover and a full time friend_

_The monkey on your back is the latest trend_

_I don't see what anyone could see in anyone else_

_But you_

**A/N: Next chapter is the last! Review please.**


	25. All We Are

**A/N: I can't believe this is the last chapter! *tear* I DO plan to write a sequel at some point, but I am going to do another story first (it won't be nearly this long)**

**If you like my writing, check out ****Sitting in a Tree**** and its spin-off ****Branches****…I use my OCs **

**Thank you all so, SO much! I never thought I'd get 50 reviews let alone over 250! This chapter goes out to my bestie, Floorplanhobo! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, nor do I own "All We Are" by One Republic**

Clare

"Well," Eli said as he pulled his girlfriend into his arms, "looks like summer is here."

Clare smiled and squeezed Eli tightly. "Yeah, it is."

"Been quite a year, huh?" He kissed her head. They leaned back on Morty, resting in the school parking lot for their last day at Degrassi as a sophomore and junior. "We've been through A LOT."

"Indeed," Clare responded with a sigh. "I'm ready for a break from school."

"What do you want to do this summer?"

"I'm not sure," she frowned. "With finals, Fitz and Darcy coming back, and everything…I don't know, I just haven't really thought about it. What do you want to do?"

"Well, I don't know…" just like he had so many months before, Eli cut his sentence off with a deep kiss. He pressed Clare up against Morty and held her close by the hips.

"Wow," Clare breathed after he pulled away. She smirked; "You aren't going to run away to a French exam, are you?"

He laughed. "No, no exams for me." He opened Morty's door for her.

On the ride home, Clare piped up. "Maybe I should learn how to drive this summer."

"Oh, you're sick of me carting you around?" he teased.

"Oh, of course." She rolled her eyes. "I just want to learn." She looked down, nervous for what she was about to ask. "Do you think maybe you could teach me?"

Eli slammed on the breaks and turned to look at her. "In _Morty?"_

"Sure," Clare shrugged and (not so) innocently batted her baby blue eyes up at him.

"Dammit, Clare," Eli sighed as he started driving again. "Fine."

Clare smirked.

**Adam**

_**Did you do it yet?-Eli**_

Adam sighed. _No, of course he hadn't done it yet. He was a chicken shit._

_**No.-Adam**_

Of course he WANTED to talk to Fiona and ask her out. He heard through the grapevine that Fiona would be staying in Toronto for college; she had started her own fashion line here and wanted to keep building it from the ground up (surprisingly).

_**Better do it soon.-Eli**_

Adam sighed.

_**I'll do it at the party she's throwing this weekend. You coming?-Adam**_

Fiona decided to throw a huge party…and she invited Adam. He nearly lost it when she smiled softly at him and handed over the invitation. "Bring whoever you want," she added with a wink.

_**Yeah. Gotta go, Mom's home. Ttyl-Eli**_

Adam hopped into his new (old) car and drove off, thinking of a way he could practice his game.

_Eli_

"Hey kids!" Leah called as she breezily walked into the kitchen, where Eli and Clare were eating cookies. "Nutritious snack," she noted.

"Hey! We're celebrating!" Eli threw his hands up in defense. "Schoooooool's out for summer!" he sang.

"Alice Cooper, kid?" Leah rose an eyebrow. "Really? I thought my son was COOL."

"What! I am cool!" Eli stood up to put his plate in the sink and laughed.

"How was work, Leah?" Clare asked as she joined Eli at the sink.

"Great! I actually have something to talk to you two about. Sit down?" She gestured to the island.

"What up, Mom?" Eli asked as he helped Clare onto the counter.

"Well," Leah began. "I got that promotion!"

"You did? That's wonderful!" Clare rushed to hug her boyfriend's mother.

"Congrats, Mom!"

"Thank you, children." Leah took in a breath. "Here's the thing…they want me in the London office for the summer."

"Oh," the teenagers muttered in unison.

"I was thinking, this could be a GREAT opportunity…for YOU two."

"What?" Clare asked, confused.

"Yeah…what?" Eli tilted his head to the side, feeling (and looking) like a lost puppy.

"I want you two to come with me. We can get you Euro Rail passes and you guys can travel through the continent!"

The two just stared at her, mouths agape.

"That…sounds…AWESOME!" Eli finally cried.

"It does, but Leah, I can't let you pay for me…" Clare looked down. Leah was already feeding her and allowing her to live in her home; she couldn't take anymore from her.

"Nonsense, Dear. Did I mention the PAYRAISE with this promotion?" Leah smiled. "Tell you what, I know your father has been sending you checks. How about I pay for your plane ticket and Euro Rail pass and you pay for the other parts of the trip?"

Clare smiled. That sound reasonable. And this was _Europe. _With her _boyfriend. _

"That sounds wonderful, Leah," she said. "Thank you!"

"Great! It's settled then." Leah headed for her office. "Oh, Clare, I do want you to let your father and sister know our plans. Better get packing guys! We leave Monday!"

And she was gone.

"Wow," Clare breathed.

"Have you ever been to Europe?" Eli asked.

"No!"

"It's great." He put his arms around her. "I really can't wait to share it with you. I have so many things I want to show you."

"How many times have YOU been there, Goldsworthy?"

"Oh, a few."

"Really now?"

"You don't know quite EVERYTHING about me, Edwards." He winked and leaned in for a kiss. "It's going to be a great summer."

"I love you, Eli."

"I love you too, Blue Eyes. All we have is all we are, and I am perfectly happy with that."

"Me too."

The couple headed upstairs to start packing.

They had quite the adventure ahead of them.

But not before Fiona's party.

_I could tear you apart, but it wont break anything that  
We are, we are_

_We won't say our goodbyes  
You know it's better that way  
We won't break, we won't die  
It's just a moment of change  
All we are, all we are  
Is everything that's right  
All we need, all we need  
A lover's alibi_

Every single day that I can breathe  
You changed my philosophy  
I'm never gonna let you pass me by

So don't say your goodbyes  
You know it's better that way  
We won't break, we won't die  
It's just a moment of change 

**A/N: Told you I'd set you up for a sequel! REVIEW PLEASE! **


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